Saturday, May 26, 2007

"Never dorken my door again."

Well, as you know, I went up to Kristen's brand new house in Superior last weekend to help her move. It was pretty exhausting, but fun and fulfilling, too. And since I had my new digital camera, I have a couple pictures to share with you.

One of the highlights of moving, at least in my opinion, is unpacking little knick-knacks and decorations and deciding where to put them. Here we have Kristen enthusiastic about finding her stash of unicorn figurines. She claims not to remember being that into unicorns, but take a look at her excited expression.



After all of her unicorn treasures were found, she knew exactly where she wanted to put them: in the guest bedroom for her visitors to enjoy!



But after all that unpacking fun, there was a lot of dishes to wash.



Luckily, Kristen's dad installed the dishwasher, so we were saved from that chore! I would show more pictures, but I'm sure Kristen would like to post some of her own once she gets it looking the way she envisions. Plus, the rest of the pictures show Kristen growing more and more irritated at my continual picture taking. I did help pick out her curtains for the living room and dining room, and we put together an end table, her tv stand, and a bathroom shelving unit. We're awesome.
So, other than moving furniture and boxes, doing moving-in type things, the weekend was uneventful. I mean, we did have a good laugh at her neighbor across the street when we saw him staring at himself in a gigantic mirror, gesturing wildly at his mirrored reflection, and then suddenly falling over. We gathered that Kristen will have many more moments to enjoy his weirdness, as we imagined Kristen sitting in her darkened living room staring across the way and silently smoking a cigarette. Not that she actually smokes, but it made the fantasy that much funnier.
I told Kristen that when my car loan is all paid off, which should be this week, I'd like to go back to Curves. Except instead of saying Curves, I said Culver's. Repeatedly.
And we decided that anytime someone unwanted shows up at her house, she should say, "Never dorken my door again." It's the perfect insult. :)
Anyway, in work-related news, we had a second break-in that resulted in stolen money. When I spoke with the police officer, I let him know how annoyed I was about him saying it was just our "overactive imaginations." He says, "I don't know where she (my boss) came up with that. I never said that!" Right. Anyway, I told him my very meticulous and thought-out theory on how the intruder was getting in (which door, etc.), and he just said, "Well, that doesn't mean anything." And he kept concentrating on the porn on the computers. The second time he came to the library, he waves his hands toward our circ desk monitor and says, Dubya-esque, "Now, uh...are you, uh, wireless?" Like he wasn't sure of the terminology.
Me: No. And my boss already gave you that information.
PO: Oh. Well, uh. I thought maybe that's how they were getting porn on the computers. They were hacking in from outside the building.
Me: *deep breath, trying not to sound like a bitch* Regardless. That wouldn't explain the missing money. Or the missing notes. Or the furniture moved.
PO: *puts his hand on his hip, shakes his head* Oh, yeah. That's right.
I could have screamed. So freaking stupid. So, although my theory didn't "mean anything," once the lock had been changed (the lock I said the intruder must have found an extra key for), no more unauthorized visits. Hmm, but what do I know? I'm just a stupid girl who works in a library.
Anyway, here's a pic of Aaliyah that I took today. Isn't she just an adorable, toothless love bug?

Thursday, May 17, 2007



Don't you just want to squeeze those little cheeks?

Monday, May 14, 2007

Heart of a Nerd


I was going to post a picture of the cover I made for the mix cd, but I've given up after 48 attempts. However, I did get the cds made, and those of you living outside Wisconsin who requested a mix will get yours dropped in the mail today. I hope it makes you oh so happy.

Heart of a Nerd was created not only to celebrate general nerdiness, but also to seduce and nurture your own inner, sexy nerd.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Dear Assface Biker,

So sorry to interrupt your public brooding and menacing stance. I didn't mean to offend your delicate sensibilities and get your kerchief in a bunch by wondering if you were coming into the library. I didn't realize smoking and wearing black leather in front of the public library with a crowd of other bikers was the cool thing to do at 9 a.m. on a Saturday. Gee, it sure would be nice to open the windows to allow some fresh air to circulate. But I guess you guys need to smoke a few more cigarettes before heading out. Hope you swallow a bug while enjoying the open road.

Love, April

Friday, May 11, 2007

Dear Bald Sir at the Grocery Store,
Nice "No Fear" ankle tattoo. I guess 1995 is alive and well, if only on your hairless leg.
Love, April

Conversations:

Last week my grandma was obsessed with how pretty the moon was. One night she came up to my room and noticed I had the shade drawn over my window.
Grandma: How come you have the shade down? You can't see that big, full moon outside.
Me: Because I didn't want anyone to see my big, full moon.
Grandma: Oh, you! *laughing*

My mom was kneeling on the living room carpet when Jersey decided to climb up. She ended up sitting more on the top of my mom's (mini) stomach roll.
Jersey: No, Gram. I wanna sit on your other lap.

Last night my mom and I were on the phone discussing American Idol since she and I are both Bee Gees fans. My mom has a major thing for Barry Gibb.
Mom: John accused me of checking out Barry's package.
Me: Were you?
Mom: Well, yeah! I thought I was being sneaky, but I saw him noticing.
Me: You saw John noticing Barry's package, too?
Mom: NO!

Yesterday at work, I was helping two guys at the computer. One guy printed a map. He came up to the desk to pay for it. I told him how much it was.
Guy #2: Don't forget, you didn't pay last time you printed something.
Guy #1: Oh, yeah! That's right.
Me: Don't worry about it. The first time's a freebie.
(My face suddenly turns red.)
Guy #1 and Guy #2: OOOHHHH!!!
Me: Lesson learned. No matter how innocent I mean it, never say "first time's a freebie" to men.

And Amanda just informed me of a new Jersey classic this morning. Amanda woke up first and went to the bathroom. From where the bathroom is, you can see right into her bedroom. Jersey woke up and rolled over.
Jersey: Hi, Momma.
Amanda: Hi, Jerz.
Jersey: Whatchu doing?
Amanda: Just going potty.
Jersey: Okay.
Jersey turns back over and farts really loud.
Jersey: Ah, my fart said good morning to me.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Stinko de Mayo

I was planning to blog on Saturday, but I got sidetracked with a library mystery. I can't really go into details, but it involves a possible break-in and a whole lot of porn on the computers. Yeah. Lucky me. And I thought the Ides of March were bad.

Oh, and it's always reassuring when the police officer you're reporting a possible crime to thinks that it's just your over-active imagination. Nice.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

"You know how it's hard to be friends with me because I'm so awesome? Well, it's about to get harder."

My life is mega boring. My dreams, however, are pretty sweet. I've made out with two boys, 2 nights in a row. And last night? I totally had super powers. It was awesome.

For lack of anything exciting, I'll give you a couple more Jersey stories. I know, I know. She isn't even 3 yet, and she's already more blog-worthy than me.

My mom, her boyfriend John, and Jersey were outside one warm spring day. It was quite windy, and Jersey was wearing a sundress. The wind whipped her dress up over her head. After fighting to put it back down, Jersey turned to my mom and John and said, "What the hell was that?"

Jersey got her first tour of her soon-to-be new school (Headstart). One of the teachers was asking Jersey some questions. They started talking about American Idol.
Teacher: Jersey, who is your favorite American Idol?
Jersey: Um, Chris Daughtry.
Teacher: Ooh, I agree. I like Chris Daughtry.
Jersey: I like Chris Daughtry, but I hate dog puke.
Teacher: I hate dog puke, too.

Jersey was dancing in the sunlight on the kitchen floor. She asked my mom what the light was.
Mom: That's just the sun shining through the window.
Jersey: Like a summer day in 1995.
(Seriously. She said that. We have no idea why.)

Here's something exciting for all you music lovers out there. I am working diligently on making an awesome mix cd. I won't divulge the theme yet, but it'll gently rock your face off. I have a few people already in mind to send the mix to, but I'm also willing to share it with a few others. You can email me now if you'd like a copy, or wait until I post a pic of the cover to see if you're interested. April's email: newdorktimes at gmail dot com