Friday, July 27, 2007

Because SHUT UP, that's why!

Above quote from a button that Krista just sent me. Have been terribly tempted to wear it to work.

The July heat must be making all of us cranky, as I've noted several blogs with annoyed letters posts. And since when am I not cranky? Therefore, I will join the masses with another edition of letters.

Dear boys age 11-22,
Cut your freaking hair. This isn't the 1970s.









Or are you trying to look like Kristy McNichol?





You look like a 14-year-old girl. Knock it off.
Love,
April

Dear Idiot Driver near the Kwik Trip at 8:30 this morning,
Quit being a douche. You can wait the 5 seconds for the car in front of me to turn left. You don't need to rush past me in a parking lane and then cut me off when I begin to drive. And don't give me that startled "Why's she honking at me?" look, dorkbreath. Learn the rules of the road, or I'll teach you the rules of my fist.
Love,
April

Dear Library Patrons,
Stop. Asking. Me. Stupid. Questions. Why are you bothering to get on a computer if you don't know how to use it? Why must I show you how to access the Internet? Why must I then show you how to find and/or use basic search engines, such as Yahoo! or Google? And no, I don't need to know your life history or what you need to make copies for. I don't care if you want to make 20 copies of the lyrics to "Endless Love." Just stop being stupid.
Love,
April

Dear Homer,
Save a seat and a doughnut for me.
Love,
April

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Childhood and all its glory

Jersey tripped and smacked her head against the corner of a wall yesterday afternoon. We had to take her to the emergency room, where she received two stitches. However, she was amazingly wonderful during the entire process. Obviously, she was upset and crying for awhile after she first hit her head. But I got her calmed down, and the entire hospital visit was remarkably pleasant. Jersey was fantastic.
Today, though, she was a little rowdy. Her head didn't hurt, but her moods swung from pouty...
to angry and crazed (I threatened to eat her chicken strips if she didn't settle down and stop hitting people)...
to contemplative (She ate all her chicken strips, resulting in a full little tummy)...
to just plain giggly again. That girl wears me out.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Picture Time! Break it down!
















"He's faster than Severus Snape running from shampoo!"

I didn't get to attend any awesome Potter parties last night, so I did the next best thing. I accompanied my boss Mary, her daughter and daughter's friend to the late showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Yes, I've seen it already, but it was a night of magical Potter goodness!


There was one guy two rows ahead of us with a Still-Living-In-Mom's-Basement-And-Never-Kissed-A-Girl-type beard. He laughed a lot at weird parts, with a braying hee-haw type of laughter that sent the rest of the audience into muffled giggles and snorts.


After the movie, we continued our Potter-mania by driving to Wal-Mart to wait mere moments for when the final book, Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows, became available. (Look, I know Wal-Mart is evil. If there was a regular bookstore closer than an hour away, I would have gone there instead.) The line began at Layaway and extended past Electronics, One-Hour Photo, Fabrics and Crafts. My job was to make everyone laugh while we waited. Though I was specifically talking to Mary, a girl right in front of me kept turning around and laughing. It was late; I don't recall all of my jokester ways. Though I do recall loudly proclaiming, "All right, now everyone get ready to kick anyone who walks by and reveals the ending!" They all laugh. Then, pretending an ending-spoiler had fallen to the ground, I go, "Oops, you tripped." Girl in front of me was cracking up. Really. It was funny. Trust me.


Anyway, we got to the head of the line rather quickly since they were prepared for the crowd. I was handed a book and 3 colored bracelets: green for Slytherin, blue for Ravenclaw, and yellow for Hufflepuff. They'd run out of the Gryffindor. :( There was also juice and a Harry Potter cake, but since it was after midnight and I needed to get up early for work, I passed on those.


The worst part, then, was waiting in line to pay. While they had moved us along so efficiently back in layaway, they only had 2 checkout lanes open. And since I'd stopped to talk to someone I knew, I was separated from Mary and consequently had to wait in line behind two particular library patrons who are very annoying. It took probably 5 minutes total to wait in line to get a book, and another 30 or so just to pay for it. I did get to talk to one cute guy, though. He walked up to me and goes, "They ran out of copies??" Me: Huh? He points at my book. "Is it true that they ran out of copies?" Me: I have no idea. (I'm at the top of my conversational game when talking to cute guys, as you can clearly see.) "Well, where did you get the book?" Me: Back in Layaway. Then he walked away. Top of my game, people. Top of my game. Anyway, there were like 50 people in line, and he came up to me in a panic. Not the annoying patrons in front of me. Not the loud woman behind me. Not the geek playing golf on his cell phone. ME. Take that, Wal-Mart customers!







I was extremely tired by the time I got home, HP in my hot little hands. Cripes, I must still be delirious from lack of sleep to post this fromping ugly picture. I look drunk.





The colors of Hogwarts, minus Gryffindor. I always imagined I'd be a Gryffindor myself, if I were a magic-learning student, but Mary reminded me that Hufflepuff's animal is the badger, and I do live in the Badger State.

Now, I am not the type of girl who likes to ruin surprises, so you won't find any spoilers here. But since I work in a public library, where we just happened to receive our copies in advance in order to process, I did get a head start on reading the book. In fact, I only have about 30 pages left. And this book is an emotional rollercoaster, for sure. I was right and wrong about some of my guesses/theories. But make sure to have tissues at the ready for this reading. Gather all your snacks and drinks, banish everyone else from your house, and treat yourself to one final adventure with Harry Potter.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

April vs. The Devil, Round Two

Okay, so I promised an update about my confrontation with The Devil. Don't get too excited; there were no tears or cursing. But I did receive a pathetic apology. Here's how it went.

On July 5th while at work, I noticed that The Devil had pulled up to the library. I made the decision to meet her outside and ask to speak with her privately. Before I could say anything else, she began telling me how sorry she was for the things she had said the week before. I thought maybe someone had given her a heads-up about my reaction, so I simply crossed my arms and said, "Well what makes you decide to apologize now?" She claimed that she couldn't stop thinking about it and regretting it. I asked, "How could you even say the things you said to me? How could you say them to anyone?"

She replied, "Well, I thought you were pregnant."

Nice, right? I told her that a simple mistake like that was forgiveable, but the fact that she touched my stomach was not. Nor was it okay to make comments that I'd better watch myself, etc. She agreed, saying that after she realized that I wasn't pregnant, she tried to change the subject but just kept making the situation worse.


Anyway, then she kept on going about how she wishes I were pregnant, because I should be able to experience something so beautiful. Blah, blah, blah. I kept my eye-rolling to a minimum, but I did snort a few times. I told her that it had been unacceptable to say those things to me. She just kept going on and on about motherhood, somehow working in some crap about how I was so beautiful and could be a model. I just wanted to say, "Hey, lady, don't blow smoke up my ass. Just say you're sorry for being an idiot, and we can move on."

After all was said and done, we went into the library, where she returned a movie.





Uh-huh. The Devil tapped her fingernail on the cover of the dvd and said, "Girrrl, you need to watch this movie."

I sighed.

She leaned back and nodded her head. "It's got a you-and-me moment."

I almost said, "Oh, a moment where some skinny bitch makes a fat girl feel like a piece of shit?" Instead I made a noncommital noise as I checked in the movie.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

The Turtle Trot!

I entered another race, this time just a lovely 2-mile walk. My boss Carol walked with me on this mostly flat route. The sky was overcast with spots of sunshine, and there was a wonderful breeze to cool us down. This was what the route looked like about 30-45 seconds after the race started.



A picturesque walk through the countryside.



Quite beautiful, really, when the clouds would finally part for a moment or two.






That row of trees in the background framed a cemetery.



Horsies!



This is what the front of my participant T-shirt looks like. Carol called them gangster turtles. Did I even mention the race was called the Turtle Trot?


I plan to annoy everyone by starting a T-shirt trophy collection. Know of any animal-themed races? ;)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I'll treat you right!

Life has been a little crazy and hectic around here lately, so I haven't been able to post. I really don't have the time right now, but I plan on posting soon. Please stay tuned for a full report on Kristen's visit, my confrontation with The Devil, a new job opportunity, and a late night visit from my bitch-tastic sister-in-law.

For now, please enjoy this recipe for the best summer treat you could possibly find. I didn't think to take a picture until I got to the last piece. But, oh, so delicious!

Chocolate-Berry Cream Pies


* 1/2 gallon chocolate ice cream, softened
* 1 can (11-1/2 ounces) frozen cranberry-raspberry juice concentrate, thawed
* 1 carton (16 ounces) frozen whipped topping, thawed, divided
* 3 chocolate crumb crusts (9 inches)
* 1 can (21 ounces) raspberry pie filling
In a large mixing bowl, combine ice cream and juice concentrate. Fold in 4 cups whipped topping. Spoon into crusts. Cover and freeze for 4 hours or until firm.
Remove pies from the freezer 15 minutes before serving. Garnish with pie filling and remaining whipped topping.
Yield: 3 pies (8 servings each).