"I swear I've seen a lot of things in my life, but that... was... awesome! But sorry about your car, man. That... that sucks."

So last night Carol and I went to see Tom Farley, brother of the late Chris Farley, speak about his book "The Chris Farley Show." He was funny, as one might guess. After mocking one teen boy about his improv performance, he said, "As far as you know, I'm joking." ha! I laughed a lot at that.

Afterward I got my program autographed. His pen hovered above the paper as he contemplated what to write. I told him, "'You're awesome' will do just fine." Cuz I'm cheeky like that. Instead, he wrote, "To April: HOLY SCHNIKIES! -Tom Farley." It was perfect because Krista and I used to quote Tommy Boy all. the. time. in college. I bought a copy of the book as a Christmas present for Krista, but I won't tell you what he wrote inside since I have to let her have some surprise when she opens the present. It's perfect, though. And in the copy Carol got for the library, he wrote, "No library fines on this book! Just donate heavily to your public library."

Also, when Tom saw my "Living in a van down by the river" T-shirt, which I even forgot I was wearing because I was all excited to meet him, he just grinned. "Great shirt!" he said. "Love it! Great, great shirt!"

Then I passed on a story to him about a girl I knew from college who had met Chris when he frequently came back to the high school (where she went as well) guidance office to talk, and how he tried flirting with her but she didn't know who he was. Tom nodded his head. "Yup, that was Chris. That's where he was comfortable, where his roots were. That sounds exactly like Chris."

I walked away smiling, but it was sad, too. Chris Farley was my idol. In college, Krista and I were the dorky girls (sorry, CK, but it's true) whose idea of fun wasn't partying and drinking, it was watching Tommy Boy and saying each line at the same time it was being said. We were in love with every moment of that movie, and each time we watched it we'd find something new to crack us up. I've heard people say that Chris Farley only did the same character over and over, but it wasn't the characters that we loved. It was him.

"Now all your love is wasted? Then who the hell was I?"

So Friday night Kristen and I went to the Twin Cities to see Bon Iver, with opening act AA Bondy. I wasn't sure I'd like AA. His CD didn't do much for me. But he's better in person and was actually quite funny. For example:

AA Bondy: "I don't believe athletes at the Olympics should be tested for drugs." *crowd cheers* "Personally, I want to see how fast they can go." *strums guitar* "This is a children's song."

Maybe you had to be there. It was pretty hilarious, though.

And Bon Iver? So MF awesome. Kristen and I managed to stand right up at the gate in front of the stage. She'd been to that venue before, so she was clever and knew exactly where to stand. At first we were behind another row of people, but before the concert even started, this guy and his girlfriend in front of me decided to leave their spot. He bent down and said loudly "Go for it!" And go for it I did, swooping in on that coveted gate spot like a vulture on roadkill. Now, it's possible that he was actually talking to someone else, but I didn't care. I heard "Go for it!" and nothing was stopping me.

The girl to Kristen's left kept elbowing her, dancing like a hoochie, and bumping her. The girl to my right annoyed me greatly by talking in a little girl voice, telling her guy friend "Feel my rock hard abs!" But she kept laughing at things Kristen and I said or did, so I forgave her for being everything I'm not. Plus, she knew one of the guys in the band, so I was kinda hoping we'd get to follow her backstage. (Didn't happen. She disappeared before the end of the encore. Her spot was swiftly snatched by a dorky guy who'd been yelling things all night like "That was very nice!" "Fantastic!" and "WONderful!")

I can't really tell you how spectacular Bon Iver was. There I was, just six feet from him, beating out 1,500 other people to be that close to him. He was funny, too. After we'd cheer for him, he'd bashfully shake his head and say "Thanks, yo." One time he tried to shush us, which just made the crowd cheer even louder. I yelled "Opposite!" Eh, maybe you had to be there. Here are some pics I took with my cell phone.

Also, in the dream I had later that night when telling other girls about how hot Bon Iver's music was, I may or may not have used the phrase "You'll cream in your jeans!" Also, I suffered from man voice all day Saturday due to screaming so much at the concert. But it was totally worth it.

Other highlights of the weekend:

~Bought Guitar Hero Aerosmith. I played it for two hours last night. Pro: they have a ton of guitar choices for characters and not every song is actually by Aerosmith. Con: When you play as Aerosmith, the design on the neck on screen where the fret buttons come down makes it super difficult to see the actual colors of the fret, so prepare to screw up a lot.

~K-Lo and I went to Michael's in Duluth so she could order matting for her Bon Iver poster, and we made the boy working there laugh several times. I got him started using the phrase, "In my professional opinion." Then after we found out that K-Lo's contact number at the store was still her parents' home number, we all made up an imaginary conversation about her mom calling to tell her Michael's had called. This is all of us speaking as Kristen's mom.

Boy: Um, somebody named Michael called. He wants to do arts and crafts with you?

Kristen: He wants you to come over right away.

Me: *excited voice* Are you dating someone? When do we get to meet him?

Boy: He sounds really nice!

~We saw "Tropic Thunder" in Duluth. It was pretty funny for the most part. The best thing of all was that Kristen ordered pretzel bites with nacho cheese at the concession stand before the movie started, and at first all she saw was the guy filling the container with enough cheese to drown a moose. "Why the crap is he giving me so much cheese?" she asked. I shrugged. Then he filled the rest of the container with the pretzel bites--there were about 30 of them the size of a fat man's big toe. We stared in horror. And then couldn't stop laughing. We ate like seven, total.

~I had breakfast at Hell's Kitchen in Duluth. Never been there before. It was excellent. And in Minneapolis, we had dinner before the concert at an Irish pub, where Kristen's sandwhich was called the James Joyce. My sandwich didn't have an awesome Irish name, so I renamed it the Flannery O'Connor.

~Bought a shload of Christmas pressies for my sister, which I'm using as an excuse to give her an early present. I can't tell you what it is yet because she might read the blog. But I'll tell you soon, dearies.

~Went to a craft fair at Glensheen Mansion in Duluth. It was a little "meh." Though I did buy a cute little vase. I'll take a pic soon. Anyway, we had to ride a schoolbus to and from the parking lot. On our return trip, this woman behind us had her nephew with, a toddler, and she kept asking him questions nonstop throughout the ride. Each new question was said in a progressively higher-pitched tone. "Are we on a bus? Is it yellow? Are you sure? Do you see the water? Where's the water? Do you see daddy? Is he behind us? Do you see your uncle? Is that his truck? Are you tired? Are you sleepy? Do you need a nap? Are you sure? Do you have the hiccups? Should I scare you? Boo. Did I scare you? Did I scare you? Boo. Did I scare you?"

UGH. So annoying. But then for the rest of the day, Kristen and I kept saying to each other "Do you have the hiccups? Should I scare you? Boo. Did I scare you?" And while we were playing the new Aerosmith Guitar Hero I bought, she did it again. Two minutes later, she got the hiccups. We couldn't stop laughing. Then she'd hiccup again in the middle of talking or laughing, and it made us screw up our game cuz we were laughing so hard.

~When I got home Monday morning, waiting there for me was the newest issue of Paste magazine, with the delish Bon Iver on the cover. WONderful.

~Friday night, Krista arrives. Saturday night, Backstreet Boys concert at the Minnesota State Fair. Will be boy band-alicious.

"That reminds me of an episode of 'Reba.'"

Krista came for a visit this past weekend, and now I'm blue cuz my life is boring again.

On Saturday we played all three of my SingStar games, and Krista beat me at almost every song. Plus, my voice turned manly after all the strain. Hmph.

Later that night we met up with my friend Rachel and we went to the drive-in theater to see Get Smart. Rachel made fun of me for buying Backstreet Boys tickets. I made fun of her for liking Reba McIntyre and worse, the TV show Reba. Then she started relating every one of our jokes or stories by quipping, "You know, that reminds me of an episode of Reba." Funny, then annoying. And Krista kept it up for the rest of the weekend. Grrr.

Get Smart was okay. It had some decent laughs, but the movie was a little slow paced. Some quotable lines, though.

We went to a Methodist church near my house Sunday morning. As we were walking up to the building, the church bell suddenly rang, and I jumped, yelling, "Good Lord!" Oops!

The service was super boring because the pastor wasn't there to give the sermon. Instead, some lay person rambled on about some convention she'd gone to. And she paused after every other word or would repeat a phrase that she felt must have been really inspirational. For example, "This man I'd never met before preached about the passion of hospitality." *long pause* "The passion. Of hospitality." Also, she talked about the victims of flooding who'd seen their houses "go down the Kickapoo." I told Krista that at first I thought "Kickapoo" was just a church-friendly way of saying "the shitter." Then I was like, "Oh, yeah. The river. Dur."

We also had to hold hands with a neighbor during a prayer, but Krista ignored the person who tapped her shoulder, and I was forced into holding hands with an old man who steadily increased the pressure of his grip until I had to massage my hand to get the feeling back.

Then as we left, two older men I knew had to come up to me like a couple of kids vying for my attention. "Hey, April! Are you coming back again? I think you should come back again." "Hey, April! Remember Shannon? Guess what? She got married yesterday!" Goodie. Rub that in my face, why don't ya?

So after that we made our way down to Eau Claire for some lunch and shopping. I heart shopping. It's my favorite. Our first stop was at Red Lobster for cheesy garlic biscuits. Then on to Pier One Imports, where they had tons of clearanced items. I bought a red Japanese figurine for my future Japanese-inspired living room. Oh, living room of the future, how fancy you are. I also adored this lamp, but I have no place to currently keep it. :(
I tried to talk Krista into buying a hideous ceramic sandal-shaped tealight holder to give as a birthday present to Kristen, but she didn't go for it.

Next up was Borders, where I bought the newest CD by South. Pretty good. Especially liking the song "Wasted."

Target was our last stop and where I made the biggest haul: Becoming Jane, Flight of the Conchords, and Rihanna (which I'm LOVING), plus some fruit and scones (lemon poppyseed, of course) and birthday presents for a lawyerly friend. That night, Guitar Hero 3 was the name of the game. I think Krista's now hooked because she's determined to buy her own GH3. We'll have a chance to battle in August when she comes back up to GO TO THE BACKSTREET BOYS CONCERT WITH ME! That's right! I'm not alone! We're gonna rock it single 29-year-old style. She even brought a boy band cd up for me to include in the mix, but I can't tell you which boy band it is. It's an MMMSecret.