Personal ad faux pas.

Hey, fellas. I know that it's hard to meet that special someone out there. Sometimes you just have to do the unthinkable, something your buddies would razz you about--putting up a personals ad. It's okay. Don't be ashamed. All's fair in the search for love, right?

I've looked at some of your ads today, guys, and I gotta say, you're screwed. And not the way you'd no doubt like. So, to help you win some lady love, here's some free pointers.

Don't use a picture of yourself with a sucker in your mouth for your profile pic.

Don't claim to be 31 when you're obviously closer to retirement age.

Don't use the phrase "Seeking a Fishing Buddy" as your attention grabber. 1) Ask the guy at the bait shop to be your fishing buddy. 2) There's no reason to capitalize 'fishing' or 'buddy.'

Don't quote the movie "Airplane" if you ever hope to get nookie.

Don't use your high school yearbook photo and/or family portrait as your profile pic.

Don't post your ad without using SpellCheck. Twice.

"There is nothing fake about me, except my leg." Self-explanatory.

Don't call yourself Scooter, Ger, or Sparky.

Don't weight 350 pounds and report that your ideal woman is slender. Idiot.

Don't wrestle for the NFW then say you're looking for someone who isn't a "psyco nut job."

Don't use an apostrophe for a plural noun. Come on. Just...don't be an idiot.

Hope that helps! If anything, it's made me feel better.