"There is no charge for awesomeness ... or attractiveness."

Last night I took Jersey and Amanda to our town's new drive-in movie theater to see Kung Fu Panda, starring the voice talents of Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Seth Rogen and David Cross. Oh, and stupid Jerkface Jolie. (I don't care how many kids you adopt, Jolie, you still look greasy and stinky.)

There's a play area in the front of the field for kids/families to waste time until it gets dark enough to show the movie, so we let Jersey run amok with all the other hooligans while Amanda and I stood off to the side watching. I whispered to my sister that I hoped it didn't look like we were lesbians watching "our" daughter, then took a step further away from her.

After a while we pulled Jerz away from all the wild kids, made her go to the bathroom, then stood in line at the concession stand ... behind The Devil. *groan* She still comes into the library all the time, so I have to be nice, but ugh. It felt like for.ev.er before we got to place our orders. The young man working the register? Hawt! (He looked like this guy!) I ordered us popcorn, drinks, and Pop Rocks (for Jersey, of course).

Young Man: And which kind of Pop Rocks would you like? We have red, blue, and tropical punch.
Me: *slightly drooling at hawtness* Um, I think we'll go with the red.
Young Man: Oh, excellent choice! *grins wickedly and ever so deliciously*
Me: *incoherent babbling*

The movie was pretty funny. I think it would have been even better if a certain three-year-old hadn't kept waving her red glo-stick in my face, "falling" backwards off the middle armrest into the backseat, whining about not being able to stay to watch the second feature (which was Crappyiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crap or something), and making me acknowledge every time she understood a plot point ... but what are ya gonna do? For her first movie experience, it wasn't too bad. Amanda really liked the movie. Like four times, she says, "April, we need to buy this movie!" And by "we," she meant me.

April vs. The Devil, Round Two

Okay, so I promised an update about my confrontation with The Devil. Don't get too excited; there were no tears or cursing. But I did receive a pathetic apology. Here's how it went.

On July 5th while at work, I noticed that The Devil had pulled up to the library. I made the decision to meet her outside and ask to speak with her privately. Before I could say anything else, she began telling me how sorry she was for the things she had said the week before. I thought maybe someone had given her a heads-up about my reaction, so I simply crossed my arms and said, "Well what makes you decide to apologize now?" She claimed that she couldn't stop thinking about it and regretting it. I asked, "How could you even say the things you said to me? How could you say them to anyone?"

She replied, "Well, I thought you were pregnant."

Nice, right? I told her that a simple mistake like that was forgiveable, but the fact that she touched my stomach was not. Nor was it okay to make comments that I'd better watch myself, etc. She agreed, saying that after she realized that I wasn't pregnant, she tried to change the subject but just kept making the situation worse.


Anyway, then she kept on going about how she wishes I were pregnant, because I should be able to experience something so beautiful. Blah, blah, blah. I kept my eye-rolling to a minimum, but I did snort a few times. I told her that it had been unacceptable to say those things to me. She just kept going on and on about motherhood, somehow working in some crap about how I was so beautiful and could be a model. I just wanted to say, "Hey, lady, don't blow smoke up my ass. Just say you're sorry for being an idiot, and we can move on."

After all was said and done, we went into the library, where she returned a movie.





Uh-huh. The Devil tapped her fingernail on the cover of the dvd and said, "Girrrl, you need to watch this movie."

I sighed.

She leaned back and nodded her head. "It's got a you-and-me moment."

I almost said, "Oh, a moment where some skinny bitch makes a fat girl feel like a piece of shit?" Instead I made a noncommital noise as I checked in the movie.