On Thursday, since it was cold and looking like rain, I brought out a green zip-up jacket that I hadn't worn in quite a long time. Inside one of the pockets, I found a fortune leftover from some Chinese meal. The fortune read, "Hope for the best--prepare for the worst." And so it began.

Later that day while working at the library, I had a run-in with a sneery woman. Since our new system is pretty much Internet-based, anyone can go online and look at their account. So this woman's daughter was looking up the family account, and it showed they still had a movie checked out. The mother comes up to the circulation desk and told me about it. She says, "We brought that movie back today with a bunch of other movies. She must have missed it." She, meaning my co-worker. Then she says, "That always happens here. If I bring in a bunch of movies, you miss one or two, and I end up getting late fines." I said okay, I'd check, and began looking for the movie in our courier bin.

It was a quick search because there were only 7 movies in the bin, and the one she claimed to have returned was not one of them. She asked if it could be somewhere else or if it could have had a hold on it and went to someone else. I patiently explained no, because in order for the hold to activate, it would have been checked in first. So, realizing that she hadn't actually brought the movie in, she began yelling at her kids and blaming them for not bringing it. She didn't apologize to me. The next day she brought the movie in, still no apology. And believe me, she should apologize for making her children watch a movie starring Kirk Cameron.

Anyway, later on Thursday afternoon, I had to tell this stinky old man, John, who sits at the computer for hours and hours, to shut his piehole. Except I was nicer. There were two kids on the computers also, and John got mad at his computer for some reason and said "Damn" really loudly. Granted, that's a pretty tame word, but still. It's a library! Neither my co-worker or I said anything, but then John did it again like 2 minutes later. So I said, "John, you're going to have to watch your language." He bellows, "What?" And I repeated, "You're going to have to watch your language." He turned around, and I thought that was the end of it.

Fast forward to Friday morning, moments after we open the library. I had told my boss, Carol, about what happened with John. Then he comes in the library, all set to plop his stinky ass down for another 5 or 6 hours, but first he comes up to me. He takes an empty beer can out of a plastic bag and practically shoves it in my face. He points at some tiny writing at the top of the can and says "What does that say?" And not thinking anything other than that he just couldn't read the small writing, I read the words "Damn good beer."
John: *yelling* Now you watch your language!
I got fucking pissed off. So I did a little voice-raising of my own.
Me: John, there is a difference between sitting at the computer and swearing loudly and you coming in here trying to catch me off guard.
John: Well, don't you tell me to watch my language. I have never --
Me: *cutting him off* You cannot sit in the library and swear. We don't tolerate it from children, we won't tolerate it from an adult.
John: I never swear in here!
Carol: John, I have spoken to you several times about your language.
John: Never! I--
Carol: I have spoken to you several times about your language.
Then he begins ranting about us letting little kids run around in the library, and one of these days someone's gonna get hurt.
John: You better take care of that!
Carol: John, if you're going to become offensive, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

I wish she had asked him to leave, the old stinky bastard, who sits looking up young women's pictures on match.com. Ish.

I'm currently working at the CA library, hoping fervently that the 56-year-old doesn't come waltzing in. Apparently I'm not the only library worker he's tried to woo. My boss calls him the Dumpster Diving Don Juan. I'll leave the explanation to your imaginations.