Thursday, September 27, 2007

"But nothing's lost. Or else: all is translation / And every bit of us is lost in it ..."

So, I was going to write about how my grandparents drive me crazy with all their questions, and it was going to be funny, too. But then my grandma has been really disoriented and sick the past two days, and it just didn't seem very funny anymore.

She asked if my uncle Brad, who lives in California, was going to sing at her sister's funeral.

She kept looking around the room for Jersey, who wasn't even at the house.

She couldn't find the bathroom this morning, then couldn't remember which way to get back to her bedroom afterwards.

I can't imagine a worse ending to a life, losing one's memory. Every precious moment you've held dear, lost in blankness and confusion.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

What fresh hell is this?

Dear Lord in Heaven,
Why did you create teenagers? Follow up question, why did you make them into sullen little bastards? And is it too much to ask that I don't have to single-handedly deal with an undead group of 30 or so sulky teens who give me dirty looks, swear at and push each other around, and all convene into my little library?
Whoops! Sorry, God. I have to cut this short. Apparently Hell Night isn't over, here comes another round of teens. You can recognize them by their over-indulgence in make-up, streaky hair, and/or donkey-like braying laughter.
Love,
April

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Jerz-O-Rama*

Now for some overdue pictures of Jersey, who turned 3 in August.

A Jersey in motion stays in motion ... long after her aunt has been worn out.



Strawberry sundae from Dairy Queen. Jealous.



I love when her hair is fluffy like that. It always reminds of Season 4 American Idol contestant, Nadia Turner.



Jersey makes friends with everyone. This was at a garage sale about 2 weeks ago, where Jersey befriended twin girls and their two chihuahua puppies. She's seen here holding Chiquita.



Ah, Halloween. Here is Jersey in the costume/mask aisle at a store, trying on an Elvis pompadour and aviator glasses. She's attempting the famous Elvis lip-curl, but it becomes a cute pucker.



Dear Lord, don't let Jersey become a pimp. Love, April.



Don't you just want to rub her little spotted belly??

*Unfortunately, due to the unstable and volcanic relationship between my brother and his estranged wife, I have not seen my other beloved niece, Aaliyah, in over 2 months. Otherwise, I'd be plastering her adorable mug all over this blog as well.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Lord, beer me strength.

Last night I dreamed that I was in a race, and only the top 20 finishers who reached this shed would be saved. (Saved from what, I can't recall.) Anyway, I and someone I know in real life made it. We were breathing heavily from the race. I looked around the room to see who else had made it. This young woman with long, platinum blonde hair and too much make-up was flirting with some guy.

In a baby voice, she said to him, "I'm so gwad you wunned with me."

Narrowing my eyes in contempt, I said to her, "Uh, don't you mean 'wan with me'?"

Then I woke up laughing.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

My birthday is coming soon.

In case you're wondering what in the world a classy gal like me could possibly want for my birthday, Christmas, or any other time of the year, I decided to create a wish list blog.

Interested persons click here: What This Girl Wants.

And even if you don't want to buy me anything, feel free to snoop.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

"It's like with firemen. You don't leave your brothers behind. Even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut."

My poor little pumpkin, Jersey, is really sick. :( She got off the little schoolbus yesterday and just laid in my arms for about an hour, tossing and turning. She had a bit of a fever and her breathing was pretty wheezy. I rubbed her back until she fell asleep.

She does like her school, though. Obviously, it's just a pre-school, but she's having fun. I asked her before she fell asleep if she made any friends. She nodded solemnly. "What are their names?" I asked. She quietly replied, "Joshua... Mackenzie... Just forget it." Thinking makes me feel tired and sick sometimes, too.

Earlier at work yesterday, my boss had come into the room where I was proofreading. He saw the stack of papers with his name on it that he had to correct. He sighed in exasperation. "Quit marking stuff wrong!" I quickly replied, "Quit making mistakes." Then he started laughing and said, "Good point."

I also suggested that we all dress as characters from "The Office" for Halloween. He thought it was an awesome idea. I wondered who would play Dwight. Just then a male co-worker walked past and gave me a nerdy grin and wildly waved. hahahaha It was hilarious. Obviously, I'd want to be Pam, which annoyed Kristen, who promptly claimed that she wanted to be Pam. (Ooh! Right after I wrote this, a woman named Pam came into the library! It's a sign, right?)

A friend, whom I will not name at this time, got in contact with me again after several months of silence. She was talking to me about her boyfriend and how they had talked about where they would be right now, if they weren't together. She joked that he'd still be living with his mother. He claimed that if he wasn't dating her, he'd be with me. I promptly threw up a little in my mouth. Apparently he also claimed that he and I have so much in common. Yet he doesn't notice that I don't talk to or look at him if he's around. Yeah, I'd really date him. *shudders* Anyway, I was trying to remain polite about this confession, so instead of ranting about my dislike, I simply said, "Oh, brother." Then she says, "I know! Delusions of grandeur." I pointed at myself and exclaimed, "And I'm the grandeur!" Then we laughed a lot. But seriously. Gross.

I was looking through old emails the other day, and I made myself laugh at some of the things I had written to friends. My favorite was from last fall, when Krista had asked if I had been hired at Bath & Body Works, where I had recently applied. I responded, "Bath and Body Works never called, those cherry blossom-scented bastards." hahahahaahahahahaha

This was another one that made me laugh, in an email to Kristen. "Life sucks. And then your grandma eats the slice of cherry pie that your mom left for you, even though she has her own freaking tray of pumpkin pie that you hate. Oh, wait. That's my Thanksgiving."

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

"A double kick drum by the river in the summer."

Wilco was, yet again, awesome as awesome can be. This time in freezing weather. The concert was held outdoors, right on Lake Superior. The fog rolled in, the mist misted us, and the wind was frightfully cold.



But we were ready to rock, regardless of the weather. Nay, in defiance of the weather! We huddled in our camp chairs, sipping on hot chocolate, awaiting the deliciousness that is Wilco. But first up was a Duluth band, Low. In honor of a fellow blogger who happens to be a big fan of Low, I took a couple pics for her.



Before I get to Wilco, I'd like to mention here that fellow concert-goers are rampant a-holes. They don't care if they are 2 feet taller than you, they will inevitablely stand directly in front of you, bobbing their hoodie-covered head so that you can never get a clear view of the stage. They don't care if there is only room enough between you and another person to comfortably take a deep breath, they will push right through, most likely spilling beer all over your coat, not bothering to apologize. And there will be lots and lots of smoke, a stinky combination of cigarettes, cigars, and, you guessed it, weed.

Also, if I were to write a letter to some of these concert-goers, it would probably go like this:
Dear Dudes,
Quit looking like a lady.
Love, April
(seriously, what is with guys wearing skinny jeans???)

Anyway. Wilco took the stage. As you may recall from my last post, I requested three songs: Either Way, Via Chicago, and Heavy Metal Drummer. I was very pleased that their first song was, indeed, Either Way.



Sadly, there was no Via Chicago. I did, however, get some terrible dancer's elbow slammed down onto my shoulder. That's something.

And during the encore performance, Wilco brought Low back out to play a song with them. I thought that was pretty cool of them.



Kristen and I were having a pretty rocking time.


Then, during the second encore, Wilco's penultimate song was what I had been waiting ever so impatiently for: Heavy Metal Drummer. If you still haven't listened to it, what the heck are you waiting for? Also, if you ever get the opportunity to see Wilco live, do not hesitate. They are so fun and lively and entertaining. You will not be disappointed, even if you're surrounded by girly-boys in dreadlocks and get beer spilled on you by slutty girls. Seriously. They're that good.

Monday, September 03, 2007

"Maybe you still love me, maybe you don't. Either you will or you won't."

Okay, Wilco. I'm fully prepared to be rocked, and you'd better be fully prepared to do the rocking.




Please play Via Chicago this time. And Heavy Metal Drummer, because it makes me laugh. OH! And Either Way off the new album. Oh, baby. I'm SO ready for this concert!

Saturday, September 01, 2007

'L' is for lazy.

One of my bosses happens to have her own blog, and she introduced me to a fun idea for a post. So, being that I'm too lazy to write a real and/or meaningful post today, I'm going to copy her idea. Initially, someone is to give you a letter of the alphabet, and you then post your 10 favorite movies starting with that letter. For today's purpose, I'll choose a random letter and make my list. Anyone else who'd like to play may leave a comment asking for a letter, which I will choose for them.

Movies that start with the letter "L"

1. Labyrinth

2. Lord of the Rings trilogy

3. Lost in Translation (Apparently people either love this movie or hate it. I whole-heartedly love it.)

4. Love Actually

5. The Lost Boys

6. Legends of the Fall (I've actually given up count of how many times I've watched this one.)

7. The Last of the Mohicans

8. Liar Liar

9. Little Miss Sunshine

10. A Love Song for Bobby Long

And, just for a laugh, how about 5 of the worst movies that start with L?

1. Lady in the Water (horr.i.ble. only way to say it.)

2. The Last Kiss (I wanted so badly to love this one. So, so, so disappointing.)

3. Little Black Book

4. The Ladykillers

5. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (I don't even have to watch this one to know it's deplorable.)