Bedtime Stories

Last weekend, Jersey slept with Gram (my mom) while her mother was partying with me and my friends. She was scared of the deer antlers on the wall, so to keep her mind off it, she and Gram made up bedtime stories.

Jersey: Once upon a time, there was a little brown dog named Brauny. And he was a pissin-on-the-floor, poopy shitster. He made poop piles everywhere with poop cherries on top. Your turn to tell a story, Gram.

Gram: Okay. Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named April. And all the boys wanted to be her boyfriend.*

Jersey: And she had a very, very, very, very, very beautiful dress. And she was gonna go to the ball!

Gram: When she got to the ball, all the boys wanted to dance with her.**

Jersey: (gets ornery look, narrows eyes) But she couldn't dance with anyone. She couldn't even hug 'em cuz ... (evil look on her face) ... cuz her arms were too short!

*Obviously a fairy tale.
**Obviously.