"Tugboats and arson, that's all I ever get from you people."

Well, we didn't crash the singles meeting at Perkins, mainly because they were all over 50. They were all meeting in the parking lot before going in together, so Kristen and I got an eyeful as we waited for her friend Kelly to arrive. One man zoomed through the parking lot, and Kristen yelled, "Don't get so close to my car, you single bastard!"

After Kelly arrived, we went in for dinner. Kelly was sorry she missed seeing all the old singles and kept thinking of ways to go sneak a peek. I think first she was going to take a long route to the bathroom. Then later as we left the restaurant, she wanted us to walk behind the building to peek through the windows. Because that wouldn't be conspicuous at all. :) Luckily, she wasn't wearing proper shoes.

Since it was also Kelly's 6-month anniversary with her boyfriend, and she was trying to think of something fun they could do, I asked where they had gone on their first date. She quipped, "To my bed." hahaha She was kidding, btw. But Kristen and I kept thinking about it and laughing all weekend.

K-Lo and I later went to rent videos, and as she was checking out, Video Dude informed her she had late fees for three late returns. She disagreed. Then I stood for 10 minutes as Video Dude and Video Chick consulted the computer and kept repeating the date the movies were checked in, and Kristen kept insisting that she'd returned them the night they were due. Finally she said that she'd also checked out movies the same day she'd returned her others. Sure enough, once Video People checked the computer, they saw she was right. Victory! Then, once Video Dude checked out her new movies, he said to Kristen, "Just make sure you get these back before we close on Wednesday." I thought, "Hey, jackass. Try checking them in on time. Der."

So we thought we'd rented a couple of horror films. One looked pretty good. It was called Between the Walls. We start watching it, and right away we know it's low budget. This guy, Peter, is packing up everything in his parents' house because the bank is foreclosing on it. And there's a secret room that his dad never let anyone into, but since good old dad is dead, in they go. Lo and behold, dad had recorded everything that ever went on and had held it against Peter. So Peter is super angry, but his best friend (who just happens to work at the bank that's foreclosing) continues to preach the Bible to Peter. Every other sentence starts out, "Well, remember when the Israelites...blah blah blah."

Kristen and I realized that we'd picked up a Christian film!! hahaha Talk about horror! It was so cheesy. The part that makes me laugh the most is when Peter's wife tells him she's picked up a double shift at work, and off she goes. Then Peter starts listening to the tapes his dad had recorded, gets angry, and smashes all the dishes on the floor. Late that night, Peter's wife walks in, wearing a flannel shirt, and sighs.
Me: Damn it, Peter! She just worked a double shift! She doesn't need to pick up your mess.
Kristen: What's her job? Lumberjack?
Me: Uh, it's lumberjill.

Later Kristen was staring at my pajama top, which was just an aqua-colored T-shirt with a picture of a rooster on it.
Me: What?
Kristen: I just don't understand. Why a rooster?
Me: What's funnier than a rooster on my chest?
(1 minute later)
Kristen: *starts laughing* That is pretty funny.
Me: That's what I'm saying.

On Saturday we went to an antique store because Kristen had found some pretty sweet 40s sheet music that she was going to frame, and I wanted to copy her. I didn't find any I liked. Oh, well. We also visited the public library, which was having a booksale, and Kristen picked up some books for her grandmother and a 1920s book for herself. Then we went to the children's room to visit Kelly. Kristen showed her the old book.
Kristen: Look what I got!
Kelly: *taking it* What, is this like, super awesome or something?
Kristen: *sighing* Ugh, it's from the twenties!

Then Kelly asked what we were doing at the library.
Kristen: We just stopped to check out the book sale, come say hi to you, have you criticize my purchases. You know.

Then on to Famous Dave's, which is famous for its barbecue. If you've never been to one, you're missing out. Mmm... Before we even got our food, Kristen reached for the barbecue sauce bottle, and a big glob squirted out. She grabbed a paper towel to mop it up. She touched the bottle, and more squirted out. She grabbed another paper towel. Five paper towels later, I told her to stop touching the bottle. And of course, Kristen had use for several more because she'd ordered barbecued chicken, and it got all over her hands, arm, shirt, etc. There was a mountain of used paper towels on her plate by the time we were finished eating. So she put them all on my plate to make it look like I was the messy one.

After that we did some shopping. We roamed around Barnes & Noble and DSW. Target. Fashion Bug. Dollar Store. It was exhaustive. We finally just headed back to Kristen's house for dinner and TV watching. I continued to read after Kristen fell asleep. We were facing each other when all of a sudden her whole body jerked. I almost screamed. She opened her eyes. "Sorry." She flipped over. A minute later her foot jerked. She turned to face me, "There was a car coming at me. Had to hit the brakes." She went back to sleep.

The next morning when we woke up, I looked at her blurrily. There was something strange.
Me: Your lips are orange.
Kristen: Doritos. Before bed. *goes back to sleep*

On Sunday we had a small lunch at Applebee's, then went to see Blades of Glory. It was pretty funny, but exactly what I expected it would be. Still made me laugh quite a bit, though.

Then, home I went. I'm probably forgetting parts. Ah, well. So it goes.