Dear Rolling Stone Magazine,
Thank you for the hot cover photo of Heath Ledger. And for reminding me that I'm a woman with needs. You can pass that along to him, as well.
Love, April
Dear Grandma,
Thank you for singing along with the Pussycat Dolls the other day. I prefer your rendition of "Stickwitu" over theirs anyday. Plus, it was the funniest thing ever!
Love, April
Dear Cop Who Stopped At My Mom's House,
Just because my brother is a criminal doesn't make me one by association. So stop tailing my car whenever I drive through town. Don't you have some doughnut-eating to do?
Love, April
Dear Jack Black,
She could never love you like I could. Don't be expecting a wedding present from me.
Love, April
Dear Boss,
Quit making jokes about my single status. Though I laugh, my bitterness runs deep. Deeper than the rivers of love. Er, forget that last part. That was dumb. But seriously, no more single jokes.
Love, April
Acquiring a Nemesis
3 years ago
8 comments:
how is Singledom funny? ever?
I agree with the walrus...when is Singledom funny? Really? Doesn't she ever remember the horrors of being single and getting those jokes made towards her? B*%&h. Pardon me. *blushes*
You're too funny, April. I don't know why men are so stupid and don't claim you. If I were male, I'd claim you.
Hell, if I were lebonese I'd claim you.
(N)
...she's mine....
Singledom is ONLY funny when I make the jokes about it. Then you may laugh. But not too loudly or too long, else I quickly grow annoyed.
Jolene, you're welcome. At least my bitterness is good for something.
Ladies, thanks for claiming me.
Hey, I want to stake a claim in April - you guys have to share!
Your letters are the best....as are your bitter cards...what do I have to do to get one of those, eh?
ohmyhell that is hilarious! Why can't I be funny like that dang it?! I envy your wit!
Red, name the occasion or circumstance, and I'll set my bitterness to work.
Dawn, Don't be too jealous. My wit extends only to my writing skills. In real life, my comebacks are more like, "Shut up, stupidhead!"
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