What a girl wants...

Best. Perfume. Ever. Want it.







I'm So Sexy Lip Gloss. Obviously, I want it.








Tramp Lamp. Need it. Want it.









Yeeesss.... Want it.







Robot earrings. So cool. Want it.




Checkbook cover. Want it.








Pier One. Delicious. Want it.

"Well, I was mauled by a cougar, I didn't learn nothin' but racecar drivin', and my Crystal Gayle T-shirt is ruined."

The weekend was a blur of Will Ferrell quotes, road rage, and gagging.

Where to start... Let's see... Krista arrived first and visited me at the library, where I pointed out that Tony's dad was there. I think he knew who I was, but neither of us acknowledged the other.

Then Kristen arrived, and we headed to Nikki's to see Aaliyah. (I promise, pictures soon. Today Blogger was being stupid.) So they both got to hold her. Then we rushed off for some delicious drive-in food before a brisk walk (well, brisk for Kristen, with Krista and I slowly following). And...then we got some bakery goods. On our way home, I got to point out the cute Heath Ledger-type boy, and he waved at me. *blush* Anyway, we ended the night watching Dirty Dancing and Superstar. After Kristen made fun of Dirty Dancing throughout the entire movie, she goes, "I liked it! I think I'll buy it!" Oh, and Kristen had a bit of trouble with one of her bakery items. See her for details. Then point and laugh. Oh! And I also offered them cheese and crappers. Yes, I said crappers instead of crackers. *sigh*

Saturday morning, Krista broke my grandpa's recliner. hahahahahaha It was stinking hilarious. It wasn't really her fault. We'd known for quite a while that the back was gonna go, and it just happened to be Krista who granted us the priviledge of watching someone scream as the chair back fell off.

Then, Gagging: Part 1. I was eating some frosted shredded wheat, from a brand new box, when all of a sudden I tasted something nasty. I spit it out into the bowl, and whatever it was, was bright green-yellow and mushy. It looked like shit. I kept spitting yellow slimy stuff, and ran to the bathroom, heaving and gagging over the toilet. I can't even think of the cereal without involuntarily gagging. Disgusting. I will never, ever eat shredded wheat again. Ever. In my life. Ever. Eeeevvveeerrrr.

Later, after Kristen finally woke up, we walked to a few shops around town, stopping in at a coffee shop for breakfast. I enjoyed a wild berry fruit-tea smoothie blast with two cappuccino creme wafers. Mmm... We stopped at a shop that reeked of body odor, where I got Jersey a little beanie baby doll. She loves it, by the way. Then off to Eau Claire for fabulous shopping. And by fabulous, I mean I got a bottle of shocking magenta nail polish with a skull on the front, a bottle of 3-in-1 shower gel, shampoo, and bubble bath from Bath and Body Works, and a button that says "I *heart* being awesome." It's true. I really do.

Lunch at Garfield's in the mall (Redlaw and I ate there when she visited, too!), dinner at Taco Bell. Talladega Nights in between. Pretty funny movie, despite the clips of humiliating the elderly and an overly long kiss between Will Ferrell and Ali G. Movie quote: "The room is spinning! I'm getting dizzy from all the gayness!"

We did have one incident of road rage. Some guy on a motorcycle pulled out in front of us and was driving really slowly. He started to turn but didn't use his blinker or do a hand signal. Kristen let out several short blasts of her horn. The guy turned and stared Kristen down as she yelled, "Blinker! Blinker! Yeah, use your blinker!" Then he flipped her off. Luckily, it ended there.

Sunday morning, Gagging: Part 2. Kristen walked out of the bathroom with a disgusted look on her face. She says to me, "Remember your shredded wheat incident?" I gagged and nodded. She holds out the plastic cap to her travel toothbrush. It was filled with mold. Then she said, "And I already brushed my teeth!" Yuuuuuck.

So we went to Target to lovingly spend our money. I purchased Underworld and Underworld: Evolution. Mmmm.... Scott Speedman.... *drool* We also returned to the mall for lunch (I know that you need to know where we ate...it's very important). Kristen and I both had Arby's (I got the delicious roast beef meal, she got a salad.), and Krista had Subway. She got...er...a sub.

After a bit more shopping, we were forced to part ways. *sigh* Such sweet sorrow and all that. You know how it is. I spent the rest of the night napping through my Scrubs dvd (disc 1) and flipping between the Emmys and HGTV's Design Star.

"Nobody leaves this place without singin' the blues."

Today is my grandmother's birthday. I had a flower arrangement delivered to the house this morning. They're really pretty, light and dark pinks in a coral pink vase. I think she was a little disappointed, though, that they weren't from one of her kids instead.

Today a book was returned to the library, and the cover was hilarious. Although, probably only Krista will understand why. The cover picture was the inside of a room. In one corner was a wheelchair, and outside the window was a bird. The title of the book was "Petey." So. Freaking. Funny.

Last night Amanda was playing patty cake with Jersey, who wasn't really feeling well but insisted on playing. So Manda was holding on to Jersey's hands and making her do the gestures as she sang the song. She must have accidentally twisted Jerz's wrist or something, because Jersey started crying.
Manda: *kissing both of Jersey's hands and trying to soothe her* Whassa matter, Werz? Did you burn yourself on the patty cake oven?
Jerz: *sniffling, but feeling better* Do patty cake.
Manda: No. It's too dangerous.

I laughed till I cried.

And what's with these random guys from high school showing up and looking cute? It's seriously weirding me out. And I can't mention their names cuz Nicole will think I'm nuts. Unless she's currently having her baby. Nic? Are you still preggers or do you have a wee one finally? Anyway. The boy today was a year younger than me, but he remembered me. I never would have been attracted to him in high school, but now he has this Heath Ledger from "Brokeback Mountain" thing going on. Minus the homosexuality, of course. But you know, rugged, blondish, quiet manliness. Seriously. It has disturbed me.

Also, these boys are showing up only on the days I'm at my less fabulous (if you can believe it...haha). It's the Farmburger Conundrum all over again. Farmburger was the nickname we gave Krista's crush in college, for a more innocent reason than that he was meaty. Krista loved studying in the library because Farmburger normally showed up there. At one point, though, he rarely came at all. We had decided to go study at the library, but Krista was dressed in pajamas--too big flannel shirt and non-matching pants. She knew that Farmburger would not be in the library if she changed clothes and did her hair. She also knew that if she didn't do her hair or change her clothes, she'd inevitably run into the manly Farmburger. And since she'd rather see him than not, she went to the library in her pajamas and bed-head. Of course, there was Farmburger.

That's how I've been feeling these days at work. Do my hair nicely or put it in a pony tail? Put it in a pony tail, and here comes a hot boy. Have a face break-out, and here comes a hot boy. Take a bite of lunch and have Ramen noodles hanging down my chin, and here comes a hot boy.

Anyway, Krista and Kristen are coming to visit me this weekend, so it should be pretty fun. We're planning on drive-in food, window shopping, and Talladega Nights.

Ooooohhh.... Mommy like.... And by mommy, I mean me.

101'd!

So, I know most of you think that I'm like the coolest chick ever, right? (Ah, keep your wise-guy remarks to yourself, Eric.) Well, just so you all don't feel so bad about not being as cool as me, I thought I'd level the playing field by revealing some little-known secrets. I wasn't always this awesome, you know. To prove it, and to celebrate my 101st blog post, enjoy these little factoids.

Top 5 Dorky Movies In My Current Collection:
1. The Adventures of Pluto Nash, starring Eddie Murphy
2. Galaxy Quest, starring Tim Allen
3. Bowfinger, starring Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, and *gag* Heather Graham
4. Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, starring a lot of people who should have known better
5. Stealing Harvard, starring Jason Lee *love* and Tom Green, who eerily looks like my step-dad in this movie

Top 5 Dorky CDs In My Collection:
1. 98* Greatest Hits~I wasn't a very big fan of 98*, but I did often steal the single "Invisible Man" from my freshman year roommate.
2. Coolio featuring 40 Thevz, the single C U When U Get There ~ I believe the first time I heard this song was with Nicole, on our way to a 4-day Christian rock fest. hahahahahahahaahahahahahaha Best line: "I ain't tryin' to preach, I believe I can reach, but your mind ain't prepared. C U when U get there." Oh, Lord.
3. Chumbawamba, Tubthumper ~ Come on, like you didn't jam to it. I would like to add, though, that I did not purchase the cd myself. It was a Christmas present. :-D
4. Chris Gaines, Lost In You ~ It's just the single...to a movie that was never made because the song flopped. And yes, I do like the song.
5. Soundtrack to the movie Beaches ~ Um...I have no justification for this one. I'm just a dork.

Dorky Books I've Read:
1. Everything "written" by V.C. Andrews up until high school graduation.
2. A lot of Harlequin crap, I'm afraid. Long before college, though. I know better now.
3. Chick Lit. My name is April, and I'm addicted to Chick Lit.

My Girlhood Crushes:
1. Michael J. Fox, in his Family Ties days.
2. Joey Lawrence, in his "Whoa!" days.
3. Jon Knight, in his NKOTB days.
4. Balthazar Getty, in his Lord of the Flies days.
5. Michael Pare, in his Eddie and the Cruisers days.

Secretly Love These Hip Hop/Rap Songs:
1. California Love, by Tupac Shakur and Dr. Dre
2. Shake Ya Tailfeathers, by Nelly, P. Diddy, and Murphy Lee
3. Mo Money, Mo Problems, by Notorious B.I.G., Puff Daddy, and Mace
4. In Da Club, by 50 Cent (I actually love most of 50's songs...I have a mini crush on him.)
5. Gold Digger, by Kanye West and featuring Jamie Foxx

So, there you have it, my friends. Dorkery at its finest. Of course, just admitting all that only made me cooler than I already was. But don't worry, some day you'll be as cool as me. If you try really, really, really hard.

I thought bein' alone was better than...was better than...

Dear Library Patrons,
Take a shit at your own home. Don't wait until you get to the library, take a huge crap, and then leave the door wide open without even the fan going. And then don't come up to the counter later and say, "Hmm...it kinda stinks in here." Cuz it's your ass.
Love, April

Dear Idiot,
You are a waste of space. Stop breathing through your mouth, picking your nose, wearing the same clothes every day, and generally stinking up the joint. If you tell second shift one more time about how busy it's been when you've done nothing but sit on your ass, leave on your "break," or stink up the bathroom all day, I will rap you on your Jack Johnson....and/or stab your cheek with a ballpoint pen.
With Hate,
April

Dear Jersey's Dad,
How are you gonna be criticizing the cable guy, saying he doesn't know what he's doing? If you know so much, why don't you get a job at the cable company and start paying some damn child support, fool? I'm sure Jerz loves the Care Bear with the blueberry scented tummy, but being a daddy means more than the occasional present.
Love, April
P.S. How can you wear black velvet sweat pants in the middle of August?

Dear Mice,
Stay out of my car, if you know what's good for ya.
Love, April

Dear God,
I am sweet and loveable, as evidenced by the above letters. So where's my future husband? I'm not getting any younger.
Love, April

"No, I don't want a bite of your burrito, sicko!"

I got to see Aaliyah again briefly last night. I kept my distance because I've been battling a cold all week. She's still adorable. I'll post a pic next time.

By the way, the title of this post is a quote from my boss in response to the idiot she hired for the summer. He's the laziest piece of crap ever, and it continually pisses me off. He sits on his ass for hours at a time, reading, then gets up and says, "Well, I'm going on my break." I can't even look at him because I want to judo-chop his face off. Anyway, every day he goes to the store, buys 2 frozen burritoes, then lets them set out on the counter. After they've thawed a bit, he eats them, unheated. *shudders* He also goes to the bathroom about 8 times a shift, sometimes in there for 30 minutes at a time. So yesterday, he apparently asked my boss if she wanted a bite of his burrito, and that was her response.

I also had something bizarre happen at work yesterday. Before I begin, let me just have all of you who don't really know me, pretend that my last name is Smith, and also pretend that it's uncommon. (The rest of you can read along substituting Smith for my real last name.) Ahem. So, I'm working at the circ desk when this young woman comes in. She's very pretty, dressed all in black, with this charcoal gray houndstooth print hat. I ask if I can help her, and she says in this quiet, soft voice, "Yes, I'd like to use the computer." And I can hear an accent, possibly French. So I ask if she has a library card or if she's just a visitor.
Frenchy: Well, I'm with the Smiths.
Me: What?
Frenchy: The Smiths. You know, the Smiths?
Me: Uh, I am a Smith.
So I'm thinking she's staying at the house of some of my family members at first. Then I realize she means a band. And I'm also beginning to think that her accent sounds incredibly fake. Also, the entire time she's talking, it's like she's putting on a performance--elaborate gestures, cutesy expressions, etc.
Frenchy: Yes, we played in Rice Lake last night. And tonight, we travel to St. Paul to perform. But we'll come back here after that.
(Please picture every other word punctuated with a wave of the hand, a tilt of the head, anything theatrical you can think of...except no jazz hands.)
Me: Uh-huh... Okay, well...
Frenchy: I love it!
Me: Yeah, well, I'm sure... It sounds like fun, huh?
Frenchy: I have no complaints.
Me: Okay.
Frenchy: (leaning in super close, staring into my eyes) I have no complaints...at all.
Me: Er...you can go on a computer now.

I'm telling you, it was freaking weird!! Also, when I acted out this conversation to my mom and sister, and I imitated Frenchy leaning in really close for that final line, my mom insisted I never do it again because she felt like stabbing me in the eye.

I'M AN AUNTIE!!! AGAIN!

Aaliyah Kay was born at 2:27 a.m. Wednesday.

7.3 pounds, 20 inches long.

Apparently she looks like my brother. After work, I'm headed back to the hospital to see for myself.

The end of the weekend already? *sigh*

Thursday night, Nikki started going into labor, I guess. But Friday morning I was informed she'd been sent back home to let her cervix thin out some more. As of right now, 4:10 p.m. Sunday, still no baby. Although I did have a dream Friday night that she'd had a baby boy, whom she named Lance Reed. I assume my subconscious combined Lance Bass from N'Sync and Austin Reed from Days of our Lives.

On Friday, Kristen and I spent way too much money shopping in Eau Claire. I bought this tasty green purse with black skulls on it, for a clearance price of like $14. I tried to find a picture of it, but I couldn't find one. :( Trust me. It rocks. We also ate at Olive Garden, which was dee-lish-us. And we heard people at a table near us joking with their waiter, and then the waiter goes, "True dat." It was hilarious.

Saturday we had brunch at Perkins before heading out to Hudson to find our hotel, Best Western. Despite requesting an early check-in, our room was one of the very last to be cleaned. So we basically got into our room about 9 minutes before normal check-in. As we got ready, we were lucky enough to find that Lance Bass movie, On the Line, was on TV. It's as lame as you would expect. Then we headed to Stillwater, MN for Mike and Jolene's wedding, which took place on a riverboat. It was a very moving ceremony. Jolene was GORGEOUS. Oh, my gosh. Her hair was fantastic, the makeup flawless, and the dress. Oh, Lord. So beautiful. And of course Mike was very handsome in his tux. He even hugged me and Kristen. Awww...

Kristen and I were kept entertained by two of Jolene's other friends from college. They were party girls and definitely had some interesting stories. Plus being on the river was so cool. We hung out on the deck for quite a while, just soaking in the breeze and the beautiful surroundings. Jolene's brother made mix cds for the entertainment, and I was quite pleased to hear "Thriller" by Michael Jackson.

This morning we went to Mike and Jolene's house for brunch with some of their friends and family. Then the newlyweds opened their wedding presents. I got them this, while Kristen got them a set of ice cream bowls, all tinted a different color, and some ice cream toppings. I think Mike was quite pleased. Jolene's mom asked, "What's your favorite ice cream, Jolene?" And Mike answered, "Whatever's in the freezer." haha

So, now I'm back home, and I'm exhausted. Time to go take it easy.