Dear Bald Sir at the Grocery Store,
Nice "No Fear" ankle tattoo. I guess 1995 is alive and well, if only on your hairless leg.
Love, April
Conversations:
Last week my grandma was obsessed with how pretty the moon was. One night she came up to my room and noticed I had the shade drawn over my window.
Grandma: How come you have the shade down? You can't see that big, full moon outside.
Me: Because I didn't want anyone to see my big, full moon.
Grandma: Oh, you! *laughing*
My mom was kneeling on the living room carpet when Jersey decided to climb up. She ended up sitting more on the top of my mom's (mini) stomach roll.
Jersey: No, Gram. I wanna sit on your other lap.
Last night my mom and I were on the phone discussing American Idol since she and I are both Bee Gees fans. My mom has a major thing for Barry Gibb.
Mom: John accused me of checking out Barry's package.
Me: Were you?
Mom: Well, yeah! I thought I was being sneaky, but I saw him noticing.
Me: You saw John noticing Barry's package, too?
Mom: NO!
Yesterday at work, I was helping two guys at the computer. One guy printed a map. He came up to the desk to pay for it. I told him how much it was.
Guy #2: Don't forget, you didn't pay last time you printed something.
Guy #1: Oh, yeah! That's right.
Me: Don't worry about it. The first time's a freebie.
(My face suddenly turns red.)
Guy #1 and Guy #2: OOOHHHH!!!
Me: Lesson learned. No matter how innocent I mean it, never say "first time's a freebie" to men.
And Amanda just informed me of a new Jersey classic this morning. Amanda woke up first and went to the bathroom. From where the bathroom is, you can see right into her bedroom. Jersey woke up and rolled over.
Jersey: Hi, Momma.
Amanda: Hi, Jerz.
Jersey: Whatchu doing?
Amanda: Just going potty.
Jersey: Okay.
Jersey turns back over and farts really loud.
Jersey: Ah, my fart said good morning to me.
Acquiring a Nemesis
3 years ago
6 comments:
That Jersey is a CORKER! Haha! I'm so saying that whenever I morning fart from now on.
"First one's a freebie." I'm using this--maybe it will help me get a date.
April you are so funny it ought to be a crime. How do you remember all these zingers? Do you keep a small notepad and then grace us with your posts or do you just remember them? My memory is crap--I would need a notebook.
Rachel, if only I wrote these all down. I've forgotten like 3 other things I was going to write. My memory is also crap. Now, if I'm going to visit a friend for a weekend or something, then I try to write them down.
HAHAHAHA. That's the most cheerful fart ever!
I love seeing tattoos that people have to regret later. It makes me snicker. My friend put a snowboarding logo on her ankle in 1995. She's now a mom, professor and PhD candidate. Yeah. That tattoo is AWESOME now!
I love the Bee Gees. I was kind of disappointed in the performances that night. I think they could have been so much better. It's the Bee Gees for crap sake!
I sit for the little girl...she's 4, and the biggest character EVER!
I fed her some saltines last week, and when she was done she had a HUGE B.M...and she told me, "Oh, crackers make me go poop!"
It was AWESOME!
The other day at work, I told a guy who'd returned a short loan book late that "we charge by the hour."
So hard not to giggle! x
Lol
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