2010 - So far, so awesome

Dear 2010, so far? You're pretty effing awesome. First off, there was the Weekend of Wilco.

Topped off by seeing my college crush. (Still hot, btw.)

Then I saw John Mayer in concert.

And Saturday in Eau Claire at a chinese restaurant, who did I spy scooping some delicious delights? None other than one of my frequent go-to daydream boys, Justin Vernon, of Bon Iver.

I freaked out. I immediately texted Kristen: OMG! I THINK I SEE JUSTIN V!!!

Kristen: Where the f**k are you?

Me: (Chinese Name) in Eau Claire! I'm shaking! I need to go snoop and make sure!

Kristen: Omg omg omg omg! Go hump his leg!

But I didn't. I sat in my seat telling myself it would be rude to go interrupt his meal to tell him I would love to make beautiful music with him. In bed, of course. I can't play instruments or sing.

So we (me, my sister and niece) got up to leave, and there he was. I swiftly walked through the exit and sat next to the wishing pond, wishing for courage. My sister went back and told him her sister was too chicken to tell him how much she liked his music. He was funny. I won't tell you what he said because I'd like to keep some part of it private. But it was pretty hilarious. And she shook his hand and said he smiled the whole time.

Damn me and my crippling shyness.

Pretty sure that's one of his brothers next to him. And look, JV's got ice cream with sprinkles. Awwww. Do me now.

Also, I texted Kristen that I'm going to see Bret Michaels in concert Thursday night. (My friend is a big fan; I'm keeping her company.)

Kristen: FRIENDSHIP OVER.

Me: Good. I'm free to chase after JV then.

Kristen: FRIENDSHIP BACK ON.

OOOOHH! And if you're in the market for new music, Anais Mitchell's "Hadestown" is un-freaking-believable. Honestly, though it was just released, it has already jumped to the top five albums I've ever heard. It features vocals by Justin Vernon, Greg Brown, Ani DiFranco and more.

Children are the future? We're screwed.

At the library:

Me: Okay, your movies are due back in one week. So next Wednesday.

Girl: What's a week?

Me: Do you know the days of the week?

Girl: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Me: And what day is today?

Girl: Thursday?

Me: No. It's Wednesday. So you'll bring the movies back next Wednesday. One week.

Girl: Okay!

Her Older Brother: So, when are these due?

Me: *head slams down on counter*

Honestly. If you're old enough to check out books and movies, old enough to use the computer, and old enough to walk all the way to the library by yourself, I'm pretty sure you can figure out what a week means.

Best baby dream in human history

Facebook convo worth sharing (at least, I find it funny; therefore, worth sharing):

Amanda, from Critical Edition blog: I had a dream last night that I was watching a vampire movie starring Bea Arthur and Prince. I remember liking it. A lot. Too bad I had to get up so early to go to work - I missed the final battle between good (Prince) and evil (Bea).

Me: I, on the other hand, dreamed about watching dinosaurs hatch from their wee dino eggs. And they looked at me and said "Mama!" And I replied, "Oh, hell no!"

Amanda: If our dreams were to have a baby in a lab somewhere, that baby dream would be the best dream in human history.

Before they annoyed the crap out of me by asking nonstop questions, these kids in the library today cracked me up. They were doing research on the Titanic for school.

Kid 1: *excited* Hey! It says that the Titanic was owned by the British shipping company White Star Line!
Kid 2: I know. I know.
*silence*
Kid 1: *mocking* I know.

Later, they disagreed about how long it took the ship to sink.
Kid 1: It sank in two hours and forty minutes.
Kid 2: No, it didn't. The movie said (blah blah blah...I forget what he said exactly).
Kid 1: Kid 2, the movie is Rated R.
Kid 2: Nuh-uh.
Kid 1: It is, too! Cuz of the murders!
Kid 2: What murders?
Kid 3: Dude. All the murders. A bunch of people died in that movie.
Kid 2: Well, I know that, but it wasn't from murder.
Kid 1: Yes, it was!
Kid 2: Who got murdered?
Kid 3: That guy was shooting. And someone committed suicide.
Kid 2: *looks skeptical*

Later:
Kid 1: I took a lot of notes already!
Kid 2: Not as much as me.

I told Kristen that this is exactly what our conversations would be like if we were 10-year-old boys. Or 30/31-year-old us.

"Wonder Boy, what is the secret of your power?"

Rachel from work and I went to see "Batman: The Dark Knight" at the drive-in Friday night. It was pretty excellent; we were both pleased with it. There were several cringe-inducing moments that Heath Ledger's Joker gave us. And stupid freaking Matt Lauer gave a crucial plotpoint Thursday morning on the "Today Show," so I unfortunately already knew one thing. Ugh. Stupid bastard. Other than that, two thumbs up for the movie.

My mom got a new puppy at the house. He's a mix of Boston terrier, a Shih Tzu, and a chihuahua. His name is Brauny, named after my mom's favorite Milwaukee Brewer.

He's adorable and tiny and bite-y.

Mom made dessert the other day. As she was pulling the pan out of the oven, Jersey came up to her.

Jersey: What kinda cake is this, Gram?

Gram: These are lemon bars. Do you like lemon bars?

Jersey: Oh, yes. I love lemon bars! Except I haven't had them since military camp.

Jersey and her mom walking outside:

Jersey: Mom, what are those cracks in the sidewalk called?

Amanda: I don't know, Jerz. They're just cracks.

Jersey: No, according to my science book, the cracks in the sidewalk are made of needles. And needles are very dangerous.

I recently purchased a print from the LauraGeorge Etsy site, titled "Four Bookish."

I just picked it up from the frame shop yesterday and hung it over my bookcase.

Here's the other wall with my Gorjuss print, along with Jersey's handprints, a framed robot card from Kristen, and my fave photo from when Jersey was in the cutest baby contest:

I finished writing my second story for my writers group. I haven't had their reactions yet, but we meet Monday evening. Amanda, Mom and John loved it, though. After Mom quit crying, she croaked "Mediocre." ha!

My fave professor from my alma mater will be conducting a reading from his newest book at my library Wednesday night. I volunteered to make cookies. (Not just any cookies. They're chocolate mint cookies, and they're delish!)

My only other exciting news is that I joined Facebook. I know, quite the fascinating life I lead, isn't it?

Jerz on parade! (obviously to be sung to the tune of "Bulls on Parade.")

Amanda, Jersey, my aunt Linda, and I went to the Fourth of July parade Friday, as did most Americans, I guess. Anyway, it was a pretty fun day. Jersey was all smiles.



Even when she saw the old man and his skunk, which has been a part of the July 4th parade as long as I can remember. I can still remember my sister getting excited to pet the skunk when she was little.



British clown police? Albino Native American? Foppish mime? All of the above?





Jerz in action. Gotta grab that candy before the other kids do!

No matter what we did, we could not keep that kid's pants up. She mooned just about every float that went by. The ones throwing candy, anyway.

We also saw some bizarre things this year:

After the parade, it was off to my mom's house for an old-fashioned cook-out, after which the girls went swimming.

Today is also my mom's birthday. I'm sure she'd appreciate me telling this little anecdote:

Jersey brought Gram (my mom) a "note" that she'd scribbled for her.

Gram: Oh, thank you, Jersey! *reading note* "Dear Gram, happy birthday. I love you very much. Love, Jersey."

Jersey: *stares at Gram with strange expression* But, Gram. That's not what it says. It says "Shark-infested waters."

Gram: *starts laughing*

Jersey: I think you need glasses.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!

In case you haven't been paying attention to my Twitter sidebar, here's what you missed: my mom and sister and I are going to see the Backstreet Boys in concert at the Minnesota State Fair in August! And you know what? I could care less if you think that's lame. We're going to have an awesome time, while you'll sit home alone eating Hot Pockets.

So in preparation for the concert, I'm putting together a boy band mix CD, comprised of songs from NKOTB, BSB (obviously), N*Sync, 98*, and Five. Any other suggestions? I'd also offer to send you a copy, dear reader, but I doubt I'll get any requests for one anyway. Hmph.

Other funny and/or annoying things:

My co-worker at the newspaper was just walking into my work area (the break room) when a customer came into the front part of the office.
Co-Worker: Hey, Butch!
Me: I really hope you were talking to the guy who just walked in.

12-year-old at library, getting turned down from a high-five by Jersey.
Boy: I remember when she was little and she used to be my friend. But then--
Me: She matured and you stayed at the same level?
Boy: No!
Other Boy: Yeah, pretty much!

On the phone with Pennsylvania friend:
PF: I'm tellin' ya, you gotta come visit me one of these days. You have to check out the people.
Me: Why?
PF: Well, what do you imagine Connecticut or Boston people to be like? Kinda sophisticated?
Me: I guess so.
PF: Well, the people here are like a cross between Connecticut sophisticated and rednecks. It's so bizarre.
Me: Weird.
PF: I know. I'm really disappointed because one of my boobs is bigger than the other.
Me: Wha? How did we get to that subject?
PF: Cuz I'm checking out my boobs. And one is definitely bigger than the other. I think the kids must've sucked on the other one too hard when they were breastfeeding.
Me: Okay, gross. I'm done with this topic.

Jersey and Aaliyah coloring with BlendiPen markers:
Aaliyah: Cotter! Cotter!
Me: Yes, you can color, too.
Aaliyah: Cotter! Cotter! Cotter!
Me: I know! You're coloring. Quit saying "cotter!"
Aaliyah: *leans in closer* Cotter!
Me: Argh.
Aaliyah: Cotter! Cotter!
Me: Welcome back!
Aaliyah: Cotter!
Me: Jersey, what are you coloring?
Jersey: A color fusion rollercoaster.
Me: Wha??
Aaliyah: COTTER!

So, this guy at the CA library has been in every day that I work there, and he seems to have a bit of a crush on me. And he's ... slow. If you know what I mean. I have to help him on the computer every two seconds, where he tries to win me prizes from the Burger King web site's contest. And he keeps asking if I'm single. And he always likes my rings and wants to buy some for himself. And yesterday he pulled up the sleeve of his T-shirt, revealing on his pale upper arm a fake tattoo of a 1950s pin-up girl, half worn off. "Her name is April!" he says. "'Hi, April,'" he makes his tattoo say. I have no response.

Such is my life.

Hodgepodge for $300, Alex.

Did anyone else notice that sign in the audience that read "Cougars for David Cook" on American Idol? I might not be old enough to be a cougar, but I approve that message. Oh, DC. So delish. Remember when you auditioned and I told my family that you were my pick for the American Idol? And that I totally wanted to make out with you? Those words are still true today.

I usually avoid commenting on things that happen at work, but I had an experience yesterday that really ticked me off. A certain someone gets really defensive when I proof their writing and several times now has come up to me with a red face and somewhat angrily insisted that their way was right or that I was being inconsistent with what I had previously corrected. (I wasn't. I was very clear on my instructions.) While I disagreed, I maintained a pleasant attitude and tried to gently state my intentions. Yesterday, I proofed a couple of the person's articles and noted many, many instances of using partial quotes--taking only a few words or phrase of an interviewee's quote and placing it in the middle of the reporter's sentence. Once, I can see. Twice? Maybe. But this was several times in two articles. I made changes. The person objected in a very defensive (and loud!) manner. I told this person that she/he needed to be careful about using partial quotes and that it was better not to use them (as practiced and preached by the Associated Press). The person interrupted with a claim to have already spoken to the publisher and exclaimed "That's just good writing!" Well, no, it isn't. Taking just a few words of someone's quote is discouraged because it can be taken out of context. If you only like a little bit, or if only a little bit is truly quotable/publishable, here's a thought: PARAPHRASE. All that red ink on the story that shows mistakes/bad grammar/punctuation? That's not good writing. It's sloppy. As evidenced by our boss standing over my shoulder reading your story, shaking his/her head and saying, "This isn't good." (Also, I'm not a journalist because I choose not to be, not because I don't know how to write.)

On the phone last night with Kristen:
Me: Did you see Laura invited me to come visit her place?
Kristen: WHO?
Me: Laura Llew.
Kristen: To her place?
Me: Yup.
Kristen: Her actual house?
Me: Yup. She said I could even sleep on her couch!
Kristen: Wha? *panic* Why are I not invited?!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kristen: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*five minutes of laughter later*
Me: What kind of English was that?
Kristen: I think I sprained my throat from laughing.
(We're now seriously looking into costs of flight vs. driving.)

(later)
Kristen: My parents keep asking me how I know Towr.
Me: Oh, yeah?
Kristen: "How do you know her? Did you go to college with her?" No, Mom. "Did you work with her?" No, Mom. "Well, how do you know her?" *sighs deeply* So then I just said, "I know her through April."
Me: ha! My grandparents kept asking me how I knew her, too. So I just said "Well, she's staying at Kristen's house, so I'm just going to visit."
*silence*
Me: And we're almost 30.
Kristen: Oh, brother.

Jersey, outside with Gram. They see a heavy-set woman walk outside next door.
Jersey: Hey, Gram. Look at that big fat woman!
Gram: No, Jersey, we don't say that. What if someone said that about Mama or Gram?
Jersey: No. *shakes head seriously* I just say, "Hey, Gram, look at that big fat bug!"

Gram reading a story to Jersey before bedtime. The book is about hands and all the things they can do.
Gram: *reading* These hands are gentle. They can pick up a kitten.
Jersey: *holds up her own hands and waves them a bit* Well, these hands can slap.

Conversations

In my dream last night, I had been recruited to help kill evil vampires--
Guy, after giving me a tour of the headquarters: So, that's everything. Any questions?
Me: Um, yeah. How do these Storm Trooper outfits pertain to killing vampires?
Guy: Uh...

At a little country store yesterday--
Barb: That candle smells so nice!
Store Owner: Oh, doesn't it? You know what happened? When I first got it, it smelled so good that I leaned over to take a deeper sniff, and I burned my nose hairs! And my nose stunk all day. I didn't even know that could happen!

At fancy restaurant, Darla (my mom), John, and his mother having adult talk. Mom has just finished talking about work.
John: You know what, honey?
Darla: What?
John: As soon as all my surgeries (on his legs) are finished and I've healed up, I think I know the perfect job I can get.
Darla: (excited for him) Oh, really? What's that?
John: Taking pictures of Spider-Man.
Darla: *sighs* You're such a dork.

My grandma, Aunt Barb and I went shopping for several hours yesterday. I bought myself some delicious birthday presents:



That's Season 3, Part 1 of Ghost Hunters, the new Kanye West cd, earrings, bubble bath from Bath and Body Works, and two kinds of chocolate bars (those I shared with my aunt and grandma). Oh, and I bought a really cute sweater from J.C. Penney.

Also, the library ladies got me a chocolate cake for my birthday, and my co-worker Barb got me leaf-shaped chocolates from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory in Duluth.





Also, it's my birthday and I'll John Mayer if I want to. Check out his blog for a new tune and a funny video parody. I tried to embed, but either Blogger is being a douchebag or they've screwed up the html for the video.

"Wow, that dinner smells good. Let me guess, meat?"

Dear Basterts,
(Yes, I'm calling you the misspelled version of my favorite curse word because you aren't only a bastard, you're deviant, immature thieves who don't deserve a correctly spelled insult.)
Stop breaking into the library.
Love,
April

Dear Wilco,
Who the hell gets adult chicken pox? Weren't you man enough to get it as a child? Hmph. Your rescheduled concert better be 2X as rockin'.
Love,
April

Dear Monday the 13th,
You were just sucky enough to wish I'd never gotten out of bed today. Woke up with a splitting headache. Spilled a bowlful of delicious Golden Grahams and milk down the front of my clothes. The dishrag I tried to use to clean up the mess jumped out of my hand. Mouse in garbage can at work. Smoothie place was closed, resulting in strawberry flavored shake at a different place, as opposed to actual strawberries in the shake. And, of course, Wilco cancelled their show for tomorrow. Well played, Monday the 13th. Well played.
Love,
April

Mom, at grocery store: Have you ever tried those raisin-covered yogurts?
Me: Uh, no. Never tried raisin-covered yogurts.
Mom: Oops! hahahaha Web that on your site!
Me: Yeah. I'll do that.

Krista, at the tractor pull: Ugh! Why do smokers always sit near us? Do I look like a smoker?? No, I look like an eater. Bring your popcorn near us!

Also at the tractor pull:
Krista's brother was super late, so by the time he was supposed to pull, his tractor had only been running for 5 minutes. Therefore, not allowing it enough time to warm up caused something to happen to his whatchamacallit. In other words, he broke down in the first round/class/whatever you call it.

Krista, after announcer repeated the name of a tractor about 8 times: Please stop saying El Champione.

Me: Uh, Krista? I can't decide if that person in front of us is a masculine woman or a feminine guy.
Krista: (staring silently) FG.
Me: I think you're right.

Driving through a small town:
Krista: I wonder what people do in Bruce.
Me: Bruce-type things.

Wilco may be cancelled, but I'm heading up to visit Kristen tomorrow anyway. I have a baby-shower present to buy, Barnes & Noble to drool over, Duluth Public Library and the UM-Duluth library to visit for the first time ever, and a couple of movies to watch. Ever hear of The Simpsons and Stardust?

Also, don't tell anyone this, but I haven't heard from a certain boy in a long time, so I got snoopy and looked up his name on the open criminal records. Ay yi yi! I think a warrant has been issued for his arrest!

Dear Bald Sir at the Grocery Store,
Nice "No Fear" ankle tattoo. I guess 1995 is alive and well, if only on your hairless leg.
Love, April

Conversations:

Last week my grandma was obsessed with how pretty the moon was. One night she came up to my room and noticed I had the shade drawn over my window.
Grandma: How come you have the shade down? You can't see that big, full moon outside.
Me: Because I didn't want anyone to see my big, full moon.
Grandma: Oh, you! *laughing*

My mom was kneeling on the living room carpet when Jersey decided to climb up. She ended up sitting more on the top of my mom's (mini) stomach roll.
Jersey: No, Gram. I wanna sit on your other lap.

Last night my mom and I were on the phone discussing American Idol since she and I are both Bee Gees fans. My mom has a major thing for Barry Gibb.
Mom: John accused me of checking out Barry's package.
Me: Were you?
Mom: Well, yeah! I thought I was being sneaky, but I saw him noticing.
Me: You saw John noticing Barry's package, too?
Mom: NO!

Yesterday at work, I was helping two guys at the computer. One guy printed a map. He came up to the desk to pay for it. I told him how much it was.
Guy #2: Don't forget, you didn't pay last time you printed something.
Guy #1: Oh, yeah! That's right.
Me: Don't worry about it. The first time's a freebie.
(My face suddenly turns red.)
Guy #1 and Guy #2: OOOHHHH!!!
Me: Lesson learned. No matter how innocent I mean it, never say "first time's a freebie" to men.

And Amanda just informed me of a new Jersey classic this morning. Amanda woke up first and went to the bathroom. From where the bathroom is, you can see right into her bedroom. Jersey woke up and rolled over.
Jersey: Hi, Momma.
Amanda: Hi, Jerz.
Jersey: Whatchu doing?
Amanda: Just going potty.
Jersey: Okay.
Jersey turns back over and farts really loud.
Jersey: Ah, my fart said good morning to me.