Hey, fellas. I know that it's hard to meet that special someone out there. Sometimes you just have to do the unthinkable, something your buddies would razz you about--putting up a personals ad. It's okay. Don't be ashamed. All's fair in the search for love, right?
I've looked at some of your ads today, guys, and I gotta say, you're screwed. And not the way you'd no doubt like. So, to help you win some lady love, here's some free pointers.
Don't use a picture of yourself with a sucker in your mouth for your profile pic.
Don't claim to be 31 when you're obviously closer to retirement age.
Don't use the phrase "Seeking a Fishing Buddy" as your attention grabber. 1) Ask the guy at the bait shop to be your fishing buddy. 2) There's no reason to capitalize 'fishing' or 'buddy.'
Don't quote the movie "Airplane" if you ever hope to get nookie.
Don't use your high school yearbook photo and/or family portrait as your profile pic.
Don't post your ad without using SpellCheck. Twice.
"There is nothing fake about me, except my leg." Self-explanatory.
Don't call yourself Scooter, Ger, or Sparky.
Don't weight 350 pounds and report that your ideal woman is slender. Idiot.
Don't wrestle for the NFW then say you're looking for someone who isn't a "psyco nut job."
Don't use an apostrophe for a plural noun. Come on. Just...don't be an idiot.
Hope that helps! If anything, it's made me feel better.
Acquiring a Nemesis
3 years ago
9 comments:
Haha! You forgot starting your profile message with "Hey, ladies!" and then going on to specify that you're looking for a "hottie."
I've said it before, and I'll say it again--I'm not a man hater, but they do make it difficult sometimes.
Lol.
How about this one: "DON'T use a picture of you and your ex-girlfriend and merely chop the picture off at her head or black out her face"?
There are good ones on there, though. I met my husband on Match. And my best friend met her husband on there, too.
I was just going to post something about this on my blog. I've been looking on some sites---and the guys post their phone number! That is beyond desperate.
The next site I was just browsing through had a guy saying how he fought hard for his "kid's" and was going to take care of them.
He has 2, apparently.
Poor kids.
Rachel, "Hey, Ladies!" only works for Jerry Lewis. And even that's stretching it.
Sally P.A., I thought of that one, too! And as Kristen added, "Don't use a picture of yourself with your shirt off." Blech. And woohoo for Match making a match for you!
NF, I can't imagine just putting up my phone number for any loser to call. Or can I?
After I put mine up--I'll let you know.
HAHA. ONLY kidding. ;)
That was the funniest post I've read in a long time. I think you should write a book - a self-help for men posting personal internet ads. SO FREAKIN' HYSTERICAL!!!
Some people should stay hidden under their rocks. Some people should not be allowed on the Internet. Not because they frighten me, but because they embarrass themselves.
So funny!
Perhaps it's time we return to the good old days of video dating services.
I just read one, on an LDS site that shall remain nameless, that said:
"I don't care about looks, you just have to have a good heart."
OH. MY. CRAP.
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