"Step by Step! Oh, baby! Gonna get to you girrrrrrl!"

So, I'm 29 and single. What's a girl to do on the weekend? Well, play SingStar on your Play Station 2, of course!





I hauled all my equipment (game unit, cords, microphones, etc.) over to my mom's house on Saturday. Amanda, Mom, John (her bf), me, and Jersey all took turns battling our way through '90s songs. Some songs you think will be really easy, like "Smooth" by Santana and Rob Thomas or "Opposites Attract," by Paula Abdul, but it isn't enough to just get the words right. Your voice has to match exactly the pitch, tone and rhythm to get the high scores.

I have both SingStar '80s and '90s, but we all had more fun with the '90s game. Check out some of these classic hits:

• Natalie Imbruglia--Torn
• Nirvana--Lithium
• Vanilla Ice--Ice Ice Baby
• NKOTB--Step By Step
• Boyz II Men--Motownphilly
• Soundgarden--Black Hole Sun
• Stone Temple Pilots--Plush

If you stink, you get booed and labeled tone deaf. If you aren't too shabby, you might be dubbed a rising star. If you rock Hootie and the Blowfish's "I Only Wanna Be With You," like I did, you'll be branded a SingStar.

I'd love to stay and write more, but my hand is itching for a microphone.

I'm a big kid now!

Because I got this sexy new LG Scoop phone from Alltel ... in turquoise, of course. Jealous?

Oh, colorful pretties, how you bewitch me.

This adorable purse is in pink and black alligator print with pink leather trim. At $135, it's out of my price range, but it makes me yearn.

A word owl! This would be fun on my bookshelf. Or my writing desk. If I had one. But it's $35, and I think I could make it myself.

I've never been a big fan of sock monkeys, but who could resist this nerdy guy? And at an affordable $14 no less!

Her name is Aprella, and I believe she needs to be hanging on my bedroom wall. A mere $20, she would bring youth and brightness to my spinster darkness.

Jersey, who is 3-1/2 years old, is a big fan of Scooby-Doo. Unfortunately, she's also a big fan of KISS, due to my mother and her boyfriend's influence.

Imagine, then, Jersey's delight at an episode of Scooby-Doo that features the hard rock band. She has watched this episode, according to her mother, "42,ooo times."

This morning before heading off to school, Jerz took it upon herself to turn into a Gene Simmons demon, courtesy of a greenmarker. Note the extended tongue. And her hair is just naturally Simmons-esque.

Amanda took a washcloth to her daughter's face. Jersey: "It's okay, Mama, you can wash it off. Being a demon makes me frustrated."

It does, indeed.

Good brother*, indeed.

I have to share this story that was on the front page of a local newspaper (not mine). Why must I share it? Three reasons: 1) It's ridiculous, 2) it's hilarious, and 3) it involves Jersey's idiot father. I'm not going to put their full names, as I don't need stalkers. Just enjoy this story.

Charges real after 'Deal or No Deal'

A recent TV episode of "Deal or No Deal" turned rowdy for those watching the game show from the BC jail when one inmate's commentary enraged another inmate, eventually leading to last week's filing of a felony battery charge.

The incident, which fell along racial lines, began the evening of Feb. 6 when jail inmates were watching "Deal or No Deal."

According to county records, 19-year-old inmate DG told authorities that he and other inmates had suggested that a black contestant on the game show should take the "deal" she was offered, but they later made fun of her for not taking the "deal." (Gratuitous quotation marks from the article, not me.)

The 19-year-old inmate, who is serving jail time for multiple criminal damage to property convictions, said he then commented to the others that the black college student had probably never seen that kind of money before in her life. That was when a black inmate allegedly walked up to DG and hit him in the face twice.

Another inmate told law enforcement that DG never used a racial slur in the incident and didn't believe his comments were racially motivated.

VLD, 35, is due for his initial court appearance March 12 before Judge So-and-So on the felony charge of battery by a prisoner. The offense carries a maximum penalty of 6 years in prison and a fine of up to $10,000.

An officer reported that DG had red marks on the left side of his face following the alleged battery.

The inmate charged with battery is Jersey's father, the low-life. But honestly, how ridiculous can you get? Slapping someone over "Deal or No Deal" comments? (Although, my mom is sticking up for him, saying it wouldn't surprise her if all the other white inmates were lying about there not being any racial comments. Still, lame.)

*I've combined my frequent exasperation comments "Good Lord" and "Oh, brother" to "Good brother." Speedy and funny!

I fell on the ice yesterday. Hard. My knees hit first, then they slipped and I was thrown forward. My arms caught most of the fall, though I did hit the side of my face. Oh, no no no. Don't rush to my side, van driver. I'd hate for you to be inconvenienced. Bastard. I'm really sore today. :(

Yesterday in the car, Jersey kicked off her winter boot.
Me: *annoyed* "What did you do that for? That was a pretty foolish thing to do if you ask me."
Pause.
Jersey: "But...I didn't ask you."
Amanda: "HAHAHAHAHAHA."
Jersey: "That woodpecker is woodpeckering."