You've got no fear of the underdog. That's why you will not survive.

Kristen and I chatted yesterday afternoon. I didn't want you to feel left out, so I'm adding the text of the first half of the chat just for your pleasure. See how I think of you, dear reader?

April: Bastards broke into the library and vandalized the joint! Books everywhere!

Kristen: MF!!!
Did they destroy any books?

April: Yeah. Madness. The mofo cut himself, too. Blood all over the place.

Kristen: DNA!!!

April: Yeah, he ripped a kids book.

Kristen: Get CSI in there!!!
BASTARDS!!!!!

April: And stole a green stuffed dinosaur.

Kristen: But like your police department is going to do anything.
NOT the green dinosaur! DOUBLE BASTARD!

April: Actually, he took C's laptop, but then he dropped it on the ground when he was running away, so they have bloody fingerprints on it.

Kristen: GOOD!

April: He also broke into 2 other businesses* last night and totally smashed up the places.
We got lucky because a neighbor's dog started barking and the neighbor called the police.

Kristen: Do you know who it is?
Good neighbors!

April: No, I don't know if they caught him.** But they got a K-9 unit involved.
That's how they found out about the other places, the blood trail led to the feed mill.

Kristen: Don't tell me they have a K-9 unit involved when I'm drinking Diet Pepsi. I almost spit it out all over.
Lassie?

April: hahaha Why was that so funny?

Kristen: Someone is trapped in the feed mill.
It was funny because I instantly pictured the video cover for the movie K-9.

April: Oh, brother. Is that with Chuck Norris?

Kristen: I was going to say Jim Belushi.

April: Ah.

Kristen: hahaha
I just looked it up.
I'm right.
Sad.

April: Very sad indeed.
loser. ;)

Kristen: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097637/
Bitchface.
;)

April: Quit your smiling.

Kristen: How'd you know?!?!?!?!?!?

April: You made a smiley face, nerd.

Kristen: Dork.

April: I just checked in a book called "Peter and the Blue Witch Baby."

Kristen: Creepy?

April: I think it's funny.

Kristen: Quit your typin'.

April: By the way, the window is all smashed in and now boarded up. I keep thinking there's a curtain there, and I'm annoyed that I can't look out the window.
Quit your quittin'.

Kristen: lol
Stupid kids.
I'll punch him in his undescended testicles!

April: That's an uncomfortable thought.

Kristen: Ouchie on all accounts.

April: Uh-huh.

Kristen: You're planning a stake-out, aren't you? Or are you planning a steak out? ha ha ha ha ha
mmm...steak

April: Oh, you and your cop/food combos.

Kristen: Just call me Wiggums.

April: I will do no such thing.

Kristen: do it
do it
do it

April: Quit your chanting.

*Later found out it was 3 other businesses.
**They did not catch him. I'm also assuming there was more than one person involved in all of these burglaries.

"Where did he come from? Not from your womb."

I don't have much time for updating these days, so you'll have to take what you can get. Here are a few photos to illustrate the zanity that fills any visits between Kristen and I.

After going to see The Simpsons movie (meh), we walked out to see a large cardboard cut-out for this movie, Balls of Fury.



The cut-out had a bunch of ping pong players looking all mean and poised for a ping-pong attack. One character had a hole over the face, so that other people could stick their own face through for a silly effect. Exhibit A:



And Exhibit B:

Kristen and I tried a new Mexican restaurant in my town, and it was mighty delicious. Afterwards, we went to the bakery for a few goodies. On our way back to my place, Kristen decided to immediately eat a cookie.

Me: Do you want to sit on a park bench?

Kristen: Uh, no. I can eat and walk at the same time. *trips*

Later, after purchasing the ingredients and stuff for our snack foods that we were going to bring to Jolene's baby shower the next day, we decided to stop in at the library to check our email.

Kristen: Should we bring the bags inside?

Me: Sure. Why not?

Kristen: Yeah, the taco dip should be fine for a few minutes. *immediately drops bag and dents package of dip*

At Jolene's baby shower, we only played two games. In one, we were each handed a sheet of paper where we were supposed to fill out the names of famous TV show kids. Kristen sneered at me. "You know you're going to win this one." Well, I couldn't remember the names of 3 out of the 5 Huxtable kids. (For future reference, they are Sondra, Denise, Theo, Vanessa, and Rudy.) Also, there were supposed to be three kids for Little House on the Prairie, which they said were Mary, Laura, and Carrie. But I asked if there hadn't been another girl, Grace, and someone agreed with me. So, I won that game by a mile. Jolene snickered, "I knew April would win that game." I won some delicious Ghiradelli chocolates.

In our next game, we were given another sheet of paper and asked to draw a picture of what we thought Jolene's baby was going to look like. Oh, and we had to draw with the paper on top of our heads. Here's mine.

And here's Kristen's.

We dubbed Kristen's picture Ghostbaby. We later made up a song to go with a Ghostbaby cartoon.

"Ghostbaby comes to you at night.

Ghostbaby, ain't he a beautiful sight?

Where did he come from? Not from your womb.

Where did he come from? Probably a tomb!"

Then Ghostbaby pops up and says in his baby squeak, "You're my new mommy!"

Damn, I wish I had an audio blog. You'd be peeing your pants right now.

Also, after making up our Ghostbaby tune, I asked Kristen, "Why do all of our songs sound like 'Cotton Eye Joe?'"

"Wow, that dinner smells good. Let me guess, meat?"

Dear Basterts,
(Yes, I'm calling you the misspelled version of my favorite curse word because you aren't only a bastard, you're deviant, immature thieves who don't deserve a correctly spelled insult.)
Stop breaking into the library.
Love,
April

Dear Wilco,
Who the hell gets adult chicken pox? Weren't you man enough to get it as a child? Hmph. Your rescheduled concert better be 2X as rockin'.
Love,
April

Dear Monday the 13th,
You were just sucky enough to wish I'd never gotten out of bed today. Woke up with a splitting headache. Spilled a bowlful of delicious Golden Grahams and milk down the front of my clothes. The dishrag I tried to use to clean up the mess jumped out of my hand. Mouse in garbage can at work. Smoothie place was closed, resulting in strawberry flavored shake at a different place, as opposed to actual strawberries in the shake. And, of course, Wilco cancelled their show for tomorrow. Well played, Monday the 13th. Well played.
Love,
April

Mom, at grocery store: Have you ever tried those raisin-covered yogurts?
Me: Uh, no. Never tried raisin-covered yogurts.
Mom: Oops! hahahaha Web that on your site!
Me: Yeah. I'll do that.

Krista, at the tractor pull: Ugh! Why do smokers always sit near us? Do I look like a smoker?? No, I look like an eater. Bring your popcorn near us!

Also at the tractor pull:
Krista's brother was super late, so by the time he was supposed to pull, his tractor had only been running for 5 minutes. Therefore, not allowing it enough time to warm up caused something to happen to his whatchamacallit. In other words, he broke down in the first round/class/whatever you call it.

Krista, after announcer repeated the name of a tractor about 8 times: Please stop saying El Champione.

Me: Uh, Krista? I can't decide if that person in front of us is a masculine woman or a feminine guy.
Krista: (staring silently) FG.
Me: I think you're right.

Driving through a small town:
Krista: I wonder what people do in Bruce.
Me: Bruce-type things.

Wilco may be cancelled, but I'm heading up to visit Kristen tomorrow anyway. I have a baby-shower present to buy, Barnes & Noble to drool over, Duluth Public Library and the UM-Duluth library to visit for the first time ever, and a couple of movies to watch. Ever hear of The Simpsons and Stardust?

Also, don't tell anyone this, but I haven't heard from a certain boy in a long time, so I got snoopy and looked up his name on the open criminal records. Ay yi yi! I think a warrant has been issued for his arrest!

My life in snippets

**This is my second week at my new workplace. I'm really enjoying it a lot, although I wish it were full time. I'm very happy to be using my degree again, though. And everyone has been really, really nice so far.

**Having three part-time jobs is highly stressful, chaotic, and demanding. Trying to maintain the number of hours I'd previously been working at the two libraries means that I have to rearrange my schedule even more. And since I will eventually be taking on more hours at the new job, this means my schedule is subject to change again. Ai yi yi.

**I stopped in at the newspaper where I used to work for the first time since I'd left there 2 years ago. They had undergone some pretty major renovations, so it was really strange to walk in and see such a big change. I talked to several former co-workers, though, and they all seemed happy to see me. But I've found that the place seems to have had bad luck in the front office staffing. After I left, F took my position. Then they hired M to help out F, when I had been doing the work of 2 people and had been told they wouldn't hire an additional person to help. Then F was fired, and T took her spot. Then MK, who had been my evil supervisor, quit. T took over MK's job, and D was hired to fill T's spot. Apparently they have now fired M, the part-time helper, and hired someone new for that position. I refuse to believe that my leaving that newspaper had been because of something I did wrong. And the fact that they've now gone through so many people in such a short amount of time just solidifies my belief.

**I visited Sharon last night and invited her out for dinner. She was the only person on my reference list that my new employer called, so I wanted to thank her for all the kind and enthusiastic words she'd spoken on my behalf. We went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner, then back to her house, where I snooped around her bookshelves. I actually spotted one that was my book! haha So I now have my copy of The Ghost Writer back on my own shelves. :)

**Over the weekend I watched all five hours of the BBC's Pride and Prejudice. I had just finished a fun and quirky book called Austenland the night before, so I needed another Austen fix. This is also a good article I found online today.

**Jersey gets to start a HeadStart program next month! Amanda met a representative of the school to go over particulars and such the other day. The woman revealed that after Jersey had visited the school (in May? June?), all the teachers had argued over who got to have her in their classroom! haha

**On Saturday, my dear friend Krista and her father will be coming up to my neck of the woods to cheer on Krista's brother, Justin, as he competes in a tractor-pull contest. So, for the first time ever, I'll be attending a tractor pull. Hmmm. Anyway, I'm very excited to hang out with Krista! I'm really hoping to get an opportunity to shut the lights off on her when she's in the bathroom!

**On Aug. 14, which is a Tuesday, I'll be driving up to Duluth, Minn., where Kristen and I will be attending our second Wilco concert! Woohoo! Jealous?

**Then that Friday, Kristen will be driving down to my house because on Saturday, we'll be heading over to Jolene's baby shower! Which reminds me, I need to do some more shopping. ;)

**And, as you may have noticed on Kristen's blog, she got us tickets to see Last Comic Standing when it comes to Minnesota in October! I hope Doug Benson will still be one of the contestants at that point. He make-a me laugh!

**Finally, I really, really, really, really hate when a song that I love starts being played on pop radio. I mean, sure thousands/millions of people have probably heard the song if they bought the artist's album, but if it's not on the radio, I can pretend I'm the only one who knows about it. So now, a song that has personal meaning and slices my heart open every time I hear it, is about to be shared with annoying girls the world over. I'll soon be numb.

"You'd think you'd never heard the Shpanthem before, Dude."

Go check out Arj and Poopy.

This one is my favorite.

Heartbreak in Minneapolis

A 40-year-old bridge collapsed into the Mississippi River in Minneapolis, Minn., during Wednesday evening rush hour.



What's being called the worst U.S. bridge collapse in more than 20 years has left us with four confirmed fatalities, a number that is sure to rise.



More than 50 vehicles fell 65 feet into the river or onto the debris on Interstate 35W. Some vehicles are still trapped beneath the concrete.



Hospital officials said that 79 people were injured. Around 30 more have been reported as missing. Search and rescue has become recovery.



Our hearts and prayers are with you, Minneapolis.