"It's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair."

Even though I am a 28-year-old woman who can kick ass and take names, I live with my grandparents due to few work hours and lousy wages. And since I get to live with them rent-free, my grandpa thinks he gets the last word on everything in my life. From bills, to my car, to my friends, to you name it, he has an opinion. An opinion that he shoves down my throat every second I'm in the room with him.

Well, now his opinion is that I shouldn't go to Krista's house or the John Mayer concert in Madison (that I've been impatiently waiting for for months) because my car "might" break down. Because it might. Even though there's nothing currently wrong with it. "You might break down somewhere along the road, and there you'll sit."

Angry and annoyed, I drove off to work. I turned on the radio and the first words I heard were, "I'll be okay. I'll be all right." That was slightly comforting, but I was still frustrated and worried about not getting to see my darling John Mayer. Then who comes to the rescue? JM himself with the song "Waiting on the World to Change." After the song was over, I switched stations and found the song on again! Excellent! I decided it was a good sign. Then Cher came on and started singing the words "meant to be." Grasping at straws? Perhaps. But then just before I arrived at work, Daniel Powter came along singing "You Had a Bad Day."

So now I'm looking into other transportation options, i.e. Greyhound. Because God forbid I drive my own perfectly fine car. (I can't very well drive it now, can I? Gramps jinxed me. If I decided to drive it, it would break down, just so he can say "I told you so.")

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In other news, Aaron and Nikki are still separated. Did I even mention that before? Hmm. Anyway, she's a slutty bitch who's turned apparently to lesbianism. Except she won't admit it. But she kicked Aaron out of the house, took away his cell phone, and is threatening that he'll never see Aaliyah again. And Aaron hasn't even done anything! She's the one cheating on him!

Then they have very brief moments of civility so they can talk. Then they argue and instead of working it out, she'll take it way past the line. For instance, on his birthday, she had him come over to spend time with her and Aaliyah. Apparently she'd bought him a cake. But guess what? Slut had a hickey on her neck, which she claimed was a burn from her curling iron. They got into an argument, and Nikki started hitting Aaron, smashed his birthday cake in his face, then threatened to call the cops. Classy. She also is trying to get Aaron to sign over all custody rights to her, and I warned him if he does, none of us will ever see Aaliyah again. I told him he's gotta get his act together if he wants any chance of keeping that baby in his life.

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Tomorrow Curves is closing, so I'll go in for one last work-out and get re-measured. Yesterday I weighed myself and found I'd lost 2 more pounds. Excellent. I'm not brave enough to post pictures of myself working out, like the delicious Metamorphose. But believe me, if I can do it, anyone can. I'm not saying it's easy, but it'll never get easier if I don't continue working at it. Already I'm amazed at the boost of energy I get after just 30 minutes at Curves. I feel like I work harder when I'm on the treadmill, but I know I don't burn as many calories.

Surprisingly, choosing healthier foods to eat is a lot simpler than I could have imagined. Not that I've given up chocolate. However, I haven't had fries in about 4 weeks, and I don't miss it. I'm also a diet soda convert. Who'd have guessed?

But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this blog...

Dear Grandma,
Stop baking. I don't even like carrot cake, but I will eat it simply because it's there.
Love, April

Treadmills are boring. Snore. That's why I have to listen to music while I walk/jog on my spiffy treadmill every Tuesday, Thursday, and if I'm not too lazy, the weekend. Today I grabbed my Elton John's Greatest Hits. Since I'm still a newbie on the exercise front, I only made it through four songs (or 20 minutes). I did jog for a full 5 minutes without stopping though. That counts for something, doesn't it? My super-short tracklist contained the following groovy EJ hits:

1) Your Song (who doesn't love this song?? Especially when Ewan McGregor sang it in Moulin Rouge. Mmmm.... Delish.)

2) Levon (Levon wears his war wounds like a crown. I wear my bruised ribs like an elderly person.)

3) Tiny Dancer (Reminds me of Almost Famous every time. Billy Crudup....sexy...)

4) Rocket Man (In case you also have trouble with that jumbled line in the chorus, it goes, "I'm a Rocket Man, Rocket Man burning out his fuse up here alone.")

I also stole The Other White Rachel's idea of putting stickers on the calendar for every time I work out. It's a fun way of showing myself how far I've come and how much work I've been doing.

Kristen in charge of my days and my nights.

Friday after my workout at Curves, I went home to take a quick shower before Kristen arrived. Normally I don't reveal shower details, but I'll make an exception. As I leaned down to wash my feet, my foot slipped off the top of the tub, and down I went. I just managed not to crash my face into anything, but then I heaved to the side and smashed my ribs into the edge of the tub. Yowza, did that mother freaking hurt. I don't think my ribs are cracked, but it sure left an ugly bruise about 3 inches long. I was sore all weekend.

Anyway, Kristen came bearing a cheese pizza, and my ribs were forgotten. Despite that meal, I did eat pretty healthfully all weekend, lots of salad and water, just the occasional sugar-free sundae cones. ;)

As you may have read on Kristen's blog, we went to see a movie Saturday night, Night at the Museum. It was kind of blah with some funny parts thrown in once in a while. But there was an annoying family sitting behind us who wouldn't shut up. There were a hundred empty seats in the theater, and of course they come sit behind us. I heard the guy complain about not being able to see over Kristen's head. haha But they kept repeating lines right after the character would say it, guessing what would happen next, and loudly stating obvious parts of the movie. I kept turning and glaring, but Kristen, who was closer, chose the "deep sigh" path, followed by the loud "Ssshhh!" Nothing worked. Jerkfaces.

So, as I've mentioned before, my friend in PA wants me to be in her wedding. I'm trying very hard to be able to go, and I've roped Kristen into coming along. Since she refuses to fly or drive out there, we're taking a train. Excuse me, THREE trains. And since Kristen likes to be in charge all the time (don't freaking try to deny it, K-Lo), we thought it would be hilarious to bring along a video camera to not only capture the experience of the trip, but to make our own Charles in Charge episode. Except with Kristen playing the role of Scott Baio. My question is, who's playing Willie Aames' part?

Dear Robert B. Parker,
Nice new book, assface. Your characters had to be a prostitute named April and a mob kingpin named Tony? You can suck it.
Love, April

"Of course we communicate! Now can we not talk about it?"

So here's an update from Saturday's drama. El Creepo came in to drop off a book. Then he asked to check out something, even though I'd already told him he wasn't in our library system. I tried to encourage him to go to a different library, where he was in the system, but no go. He insisted on registering here, claiming, "I'll probably be stopping in here more often." And he doesn't live anywhere near here.

He was also trying to make me feel bad for him. I could tell he was one of those people who tries to play on others' sympathies, but I'm a cold-hearted bitch sometimes. Thank God. I wasn't having any of that. So then he started fishing for info about me, and I basically ignored attempts at conversation other than having to do with the library. I was so glad that just before he came in, a bunch of people came in. So at least I wasn't alone. Though I did catch him standing in the other doorway, staring at me.

He finally left, and I saw him drive away in his semi. I breathed a sigh of relief. Four other patrons finished their business and took off, leaving a mother and her four kids still in the library. Within 30 minutes, El Creepo was back. He'd turned his big ol' semi around and came back to the freaking library. He claimed he just wanted to return one other book, but I think he may have been checking to see if I was alone yet. *shudder* He really thought he was charming, too. He winked at me and said, "Thanks, April." I almost vomited.

So I was thoroughly creeped out and slightly alarmed. I called my boss, who promptly called the police. She came in so I wouldn't have to work the rest of my shift alone. The officer said he thought El Creepo was "just trying to flirt" with me. I don't flirt with people who have sexual assault charges on file (dismissed or not) and who have restraining orders against them. Anyway, Mr. Officer told me to call if the guy came back and I was uncomfortable.

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While I was working out yesterday, a man and woman came into Curves. I was highly annoyed because Curves is for women. Not for short men who are younger than me and keep sneaking glances at my fitness routine. I don't care that I knew you in high school. I don't care that our parents used to be friends back in the day and that I schooled you at Super Mario Bros. I don't care that we all spent a weekend camping and your friend kept talking about my boobs. (Actually, I do care about that part. That kid was an ass.) Any decent guy would politely pretend there wasn't a familiar girl in the room who was sweating and gyrating and deep-knee bending and jogging in place.

I did weigh myself for the first time since starting Curves, though, and I've already lost 4 pounds. Woohoo!!

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One more thing. I'm not going to do a weight loss blog. At least, I don't have any intentions at this point. But I couldn't help thinking up some blog titles just in case. Hope they make you laugh as much as they made me laugh.

*Diet Riot
*The Treadmill Less Traveled
*Lord of the Diet: One Diet to Rule Them All
*Fat and the Furious

I shouldn't be allowed to use lighters. I was trying to be nice by lighting all 23 candles on the hot fudge sundae cheesecake that I got for Amanda's birthday. In return, I burned myself. I actually have a white rectangle shape branded into my thumbpad. Zowie! That mother hurt all freaking day.

I'm currently at work eating a cup of sugar-free jello, drinking Sweet Valley diet GT Cola (nothing but the best, right?), and listening to Back Tracks USA on the radio. Oh, the exciting life I lead.

Last night Amanda went out with a couple of her friends to celebrate her birthday, which was technically Thursday. Anyway, I was nominated to babysit Jersey. I really don't mind watching her, but since Amanda has her on no schedule for eating or sleeping, I hate babysitting until late in the night. Jersey is just a stinker when it comes to bedtime. I have to let her sleep on my lap, her little hands twisting my hair 'round and 'round until I want to cry, then gently ease her onto a bed. Then she wakes up and I have to stay by her until she falls asleep again. Aaron was there, but of course he was no help. He was snoring so loud I couldn't even hear the tv. Anyway, I woke him up around 11:45 and told him I was going home because I had to work in the morning. I feel kind of guilty because I was afraid Jerz would wake again and be scared because neither I nor Amanda was around, but hopefully she slept at least until Manda got back home.

Why was Aaron over at my mom's so late? Oh, because he and Nikki, always on-and-off again, are currently mostly off-again. Something about her turning into a lesbian. I don't know. I didn't ask for details because 1) I'm sick of other people's drama, and 2) those are details I just don't need in my head.

My mom had a doctor's appointment yesterday to check her lungs because of that chemical she inhaled at work. (Apparently they're just calling it bleach and pretending it wasn't any big deal.) Her tests turned out really, really poor, the results a combination of the chemical she inhaled and 20+ years of smoking. I think for the first time ever she was really scared of her future, so I'm hoping this time she quits smoking forever.

And some weirdo just called here with a relatively simple request, to get items renewed. But he has books from the system I use at the other library, not this one, the CA library. He decided he come here to call the CH library. I told him I could just call the other library and renew them for him, so he said okay. But he's still coming in for some reason. And just before I hung up the phone, he says, "So, uh, are there any single girls in CA?" Caught off guard, I mumbled, "Um...er...I don't...know?" He says, "Oh. Well, you gotta start somewhere, right?" So, now I'm a little scared. I hate, hate, hate that I work alone at this library.

I just looked up his name on the Wisconsin Circuit Court Access system. Yeah...can we say sexual assault charges???

Always the bridesmaid, never the lucky bitch who gets married.

A close friend of mine, Nancy, called me last night to tell me she's getting married in July. Then she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I responded, "Good thing I went to the gym today."

I would really love to be in the wedding. But it's in Pennsylvania. I don't know if I can afford to get out there. It's times like this that I really wish I could win the lottery. (Speaking of which, my uncle was one lousy number away from winning $250,000 last week. So close, yet so far away.)

I went to Curves, the fitness center for women, on Monday afternoon. It was great. Unfortunately, it's closing at the end of the month. Some people may take that as a sign to never work out again. But the owner told me that I could work out as much as I wanted for free until they close. I may check at other area Curves to see about their membership prices. Maybe. It really sucks because the Curves in my town is only a couple of blocks away from my house.

Anyway, I have now worked out two days in a row, and I didn't die. So take heed, fellow exercise phobics. If I can do it, Lord knows you can.

I suppose you were all wondering what happened on my trip to Kristen's for New Year's, right? Well, you know what they say. What happens in Superior...is pretty boring. :) We stayed in and drank Ameretto Sours with cherry juice and made bitter toasts. "Here's to bastards getting what they deserve!" "Here's to making out with hot boys this year!" "Here's to evil co-workers getting fired!" And so on.

Obviously, we did some shopping. Thanks to Kristen's member ship card discount, a sale price, AND a birthday gift card from Jolene, I ended up paying less than $20 for Season 2 of The Office. I also returned a terrible cat-print, too-small, flannel pair of pajamas that my grandparents had given me for Christmas and replaced it with a beautiful necklace. It's an onyx oval with a marcasite diamond pattern in the center on a silver chain.

Kristen won't allow me to tell you the embarrassing things she said. But I can tell you they were unintentionally sexual innuendos, made her turn bright red, and made me laugh a lot.

Kristen's parents also gave me a Christmas stocking filled with goodies, including those special shampoo and conditioners for brunettes, which I keep forgetting to use. And a book of Sudoku. I informed Kristen that I didn't think I would be able to figure out the puzzles. But I tried, and now I'm addicted. Me and numbers? Fun? Who knew?

I went to Bath and Body Works over this weekend and partook (is that right?) in their annual 75% off clearance sales. Look at this lovely overnight bag I snagged for myself. Love it!

Except, now that I look at the picture, I'm noticing the long shoulder strap, and mine didn't come with one. I'd better call to see if they have any others left. Drats.

2nd Annual Book List

Last year I listed all the books I'd read for 2005. Continuing in that fashion, here now is a list of all the books I read in 2006. Any title in bold, blue print is one that I highly recommend.

1) Never Let Me Go, by Kazuo Ishiguro
2) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R. Tolkien
3) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, by J.R.R. Tolkien
4) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, by J.R.R. Tolkien
5) Monster, by Frank Peretti
6) Lake of Sorrows, by Erin Hart (sequel to Haunted Ground)
7) Goodnight Nobody, by Jennifer Weiner
8) Rosie Dunne, by Cecelia Ahern
9) The Rose & the Beast: Fairy Tales Retold, by Francesca Lia Block
10) Ariel, by Sylvia Plath
11) The Drowning Tree, by Carol Goodman
12) Haunted Lake Superior, by Hugh E. Bishop
13) The Truth (with jokes), by Al Franken
14) Tell Me Lies, by Jennifer Crusie
15) Love Bites, by Lynsay Sands
16) PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions From Ordinary Lives, by Frank Warren
17) Jane Austen in Scarsdale, by Paula Marantz Cohen
18) Legends of the Fall, by Jim Harrison
19) Loose Screws, by Karen Templeton
20) Coma, by Alex Garland
21) Found: The Best Lost, Tossed, and Forgotten Items From Around the World, by Davy Rothbart
22) Hotel World, by Ali Smith
23) A Certain Slant of Light, by Laura Whitcomb
24) The Edible Woman, by Margaret Atwood
25) The Lottery and Other Stories, by Shirley Jackson
26) Anybody Out There?, by Marian Keyes
27) A Brother's Journey: Surviving a Childhood of Abuse, by Richard Pelzer
28) Talk Nerdy to Me, by Vicki Lewis Thompson
29) The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead, by Max Brooks
30) Lost, by Gregory Maguire
31) Chick Living: Frugal and Fabulous, by Kris Koederitz Melcher
32) Come Closer, Sara Gran
33) Undead & Unemployed, by Mary Janice Davidson
34) If Only It Were True, by Marc Levy
35) All Loves Excelling, by Josiah Bunting III
36) Swapping Lives, by Jane Green
37) Mary Jane, by Judith O'Brien
38) Cinematherapy: The Girl's Guide to Movies for Every Mood, by Nancy Peske and Beverly West
39) The Dogs of Babel, by Carolyn Parkhurst
40) The Pirates!: An Adventure with Scientists & An Adventure with Ahab, by Gideon Defoe
41) Ghost Orchid, by Carol Goodman
42) Poppy Shakespeare, by Clare Allan
43) Little Earthquakes, by Jennifer Weiner
44) The Sixteen Pleasures, by Robert Hellenga
45) The Cinderella Pact, by Sarah Strohmeyer
46) The Slow Moon, by Elizabeth Cox
47) Calling Out, by Rae Meadows
48) Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer
49) Ice Queen, by Alice Hoffman
50) New Moon, by Stephenie Meyer (sequel to Twilight)
51) The Guy Not Taken, by Jennifer Weiner
52) Shadow Catchers, by Thomas Lakeman
53) Grave Sight, by Charlaine Harris
54) Severance: Stories, by Robert Olen Butler
55) The Thirteenth Tale, by Diane Setterfield
56) Grave Surprise, by Charlaine Harris (sequel to Grave Sight)
57) The Man Who Loved Jane Austen, by Sally Smith O'Rourke
58) Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, by T.S. Eliot
59) By a Spider's Thread, by Laura Lippman
60) Rise and Shine, by Anna Quindlen
61) Dead Until Dark, by Charlaine Harris (reading the whole series, so shut up)
62) Blind Submission, by Debra Ginsberg
63) Dates From Hell, by Kim Harrison, et al.
64) Living Dead in Dallas, by Charlaine Harris
65) A Cup of Christmas Tea, by Tom Hegg
66) Time Between Trains, by Anthony Bukoski
67) Club Dead, by Charlaine Harris

I am also inviting you, dear readers, to each name one book they'd like me to read this year.