Losing my religion

I'm a pretty laid back person. Kind of a push-over, really. But I like to think that I'm also open-minded. When I meet someone of another culture or religion, I take in who they are. Whether I share their beliefs or not, I try to be understanding.

I've had a number of friends from different backgrounds than myself. Some harsher, some sweeter, some way more bizarre. But if they can accept me, who am I not to accept them?

Because these friends couldn't all possibly be Lutheran (such as me), I've found myself in numerous churches listening to lengthy sermons. The first I can recall is visiting a Catholic church with a close childhood friend and her parents. It was a large building, very dark. There was a lot of kneeling and crossing involved. Once when we went, the priest ordered me (ME!) to recite something from a page we were looking at in a book. Then he yelled at me to speak louder, then LOUDER. I was mortified. I think I was only 10 years old or so.

That wasn't my only Catholic experience, but it left it's mark. I've also heard sermons from the points-of-view of Baptists, Methodists, Apostolics, and so on. I attended a Baptist church for quite a while in college, mostly because they were so, so friendly and happy and welcoming. A lot of churches are condemning and too solemn. I liked the atmosphere at that Baptist church. About 2 years ago, some deviant set fire to the building, and the small congregation didn't have the funds to rebuild. It was a shame.

In high school, one of my very best friends was a Jehovah's Witness. Yes, I know, I can almost hear you booing from here. She was awesome. Very funny, nice girl, a bit too competitive with me, though. But if it wasn't for her, I'd never have gone to gym class. She was into sports, and she sometimes (okay, a lot) thought she'd naturally be better than me at stuff, which would anger me into participating in (ugh) sporty activities.

But Tab (that was her nickname) was very serious about her religion, too. She invited me to some of her meetings, and I went to a couple of them. I even went with her to some kind of Witness convention in Stillwater, MN. It was fun. I mean, I wasn't going for conversion. I mainly wanted to stay away from my own house, but that's a different story.

One day after school, two really hot boys knocked on my door. Since they were wearing nice suits, I assumed they were church boys. I pre-empted their speech. "Listen," I said, "My best friend at school is Jehovah's Witness. I've gone to some of the meetings. If I have any questions about it, I can just talk to her." The hot boys looked at each other. Then one goes, "Um, we're not Jehovah's Witness." I got annoyed because I felt foolish and snapped, "Well, then what are you?" They were Mormon. And they gave me their Bible. I think I still have it somewhere.

I've even gone to Seventh Day Adventist meetings. Those were pretty fun, actually. There was a Russian pastor who was so sweet and earnest. And there was a 30-year-old, somewhat mentally challenged, comic-book loving guy who kept hitting on my friend and wanted her to start a Christian singles club. That may have been the best part.

And not all of my friends have been Christian. I've known Muslims, Buddhists, so ons and so forths. I was actually told by a Muslim that I'm going to Hell. (Damn you, Usman!) And quite a few without any religious affiliation, some agnostics, some atheists.

Through it all, I've listened to their beliefs. Sometimes wanting to disagree, but that's not very tolerant, is it? Not that I've always been tolerant. Especially during my "New Christian" phase. That's pretty embarrassing, when I think back on it. I was very one-minded then. But I've loved discussing beliefs with people, loved the agreements and even the fierce discussions.

I haven't felt like discussing religion in a very long time. I'm kind of at an unknown stage. I've never been here before, and it's scary and lonely and depressing. Have you ever been so very sure about something, had the utmost conviction in it, and then one day, you're just not sure? Imagine yourself out on a cliff. You started out so convinced that it was strong enough to hold you, you didn't pay any attention to any other kinds of danger signals. So you make it out to the furthest point, and the ground just doesn't seem stable. Do you make your stand, confident in your earlier convictions? Or turn back? That's me. I'm standing there, unsure of my footing and wondering how I got there.

I didn't set out to be depressing. I just wanted to include more memories of friends. But I guess that's what happens. Open one door and find another...if you're in a place with a lot of doors... Er...