I feel ill.

You'll probably want to give me advice, right? Tell me that I should take (insert brand name here) medicine, get some sleep, take it easy. Tell me stories of when you were so sick, you couldn't even get out of bed.

No. You don't understand. I haven't caught a bug. I'm not sick. I feel ill, like the kind of ill when you walk in on your brother in the bathroom. *shudder*

Okay, so I've been crushing on John Krasinski, right? From The Office? And I was excited because he was on the Tonight Show Thursday night. He came out for his little interview, and Jay says to him, "Oh, you're a Massachusetts boy, right?" And John says yes.

So I get all super-duper happy like a preadolescent girl with her first issue of Teen Beat magazine because for some reason, I've always loved anything to do with MA. And, let's face it, John Krasinski is hot.

Anyway. Then John says, "I'm from Newton."

My heart stops.

Newton friggin' Massachusetts????

Why? Of all the towns in that state, why there?

Folks, my biological father is from none other than Newton, MA. I've never been there because he is not a part of my life. Also not a part of my life: any possible siblings or other family members on my dad's side.

So here I am, lusting after a boy who could quite possibly turn out to be a cousin or something! Ew. Gross out, people.

And then all I could think about after that was, what might have been? If my father had owned up to his responsibilities like a man, what might my life be like right now? If I'd gone to better schools, lived a different lifestyle, had less dysfunction to deal with... What opportunities did I miss out on? What might have been?

I'm not wholly unsatisfied with my life now, of course. I love my family and friends. But it would certainly be ideal to know that I'm not lusting after a long-lost relative.