Since my life is boring and there is nothing new to say besides the fact that I just ordered two boxes of Girl Scout cookies and was scandalized by the prices, I am introducing a survey-type list that found its way into my life a couple of years ago. I kept it because it amused me. So enjoy. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I ordered Thin Mints and Peanut Butter cookies.

If I were a stone, I would be: useless
If I were a tree, I would be: a weeping willow
If I were a bird, I would be: a whipporwill (or however you spell it)
If I were a machine, I would be: a love machine *hahahaha*
If I were a tool, I would be: a screwdriver...you know what I'm talkin' about...
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: lilacs
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: stormy
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: (well, technically, if I were mythical, I wouldn't be anything at all, would I? but for the sake of survey...) a mermaid
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: John Mayer's guitar. Mmm...
If I were an animal, I would be: a Lhasa Apso
If I were a colour, I would be: blue
If I were an emotion, I would be: melancholy
If I were a vegetable, I would be: unloved by children
If I were a sound, I would be: a sigh
If I were an Element, I would be: water
If I were a car, I would be: a luxury vehicle
If I were a song, I would be: a boy-band hit
If I were to trade places with another person: I wouldn't be me
If I were a movie, I would be: Bridget Jones' Diary
If I were a food, I would be: chicken, of course
If I were a place, I would be: a shady rest area
If I were a material, I would be: velvet
If I were a taste, I would be: sweet
If I were a religion, I would be: Christian
If I were an object, I would be: a book
If I were a word, I would be: longing
If I were a body part I would be: eyes
If I were a facial expression I would be: a smirk
If I were a subject in school I would be: literature class
If I were a cartoon I would be: Belle from Beauty and the Beast because "There must be something more than this provincial life..."
If I were a shape I would be: one round mo-fo
If I were a number I would be: 22
If I were a month I would be: April....duh?
If I were a day of the week I would be: Tuesday
If I were a time of day I would be: 11 p.m.
If I were a direction I would be: west
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: used often
If I were a sin I would be: envy
If I were a historical figure I would be: Dorothy Parker
If I were a liquid I would be: raspberry iced tea
If I were a method of death I would be: a bottle of pills
If I were a planet I would be: not Uranus
If I were a book I would be: Catcher in the Rye
If I were a garment I would be: a blue zip-up hoodie
If I were shoes I would be: black and blue Sketchers with skulls and crossbones.