NEXT JOKE!

Easter weekend was relaxing and comical. I always enjoy hanging out with Krista and Kristen. Even if it does make me call them by the others' name more often than not.

Because there were a lot of memorable moments, I'm just going to relay them as they come to me, rather than trying to put them in chronological order. Ahem.

We were shopping at Target. Kristen holds up the movie Stripes and says, "Oh, April, I was going to get you this because I knew how much you loved it." So I quickly grabbed the book The Virgin of the Plains and said, "Oh, Kristen, I was gonna get you this book because I know you can relate." Note the sarcasm. Then Kristen explains to Krista, "April and I rented this movie one time because we like Bill Murray and thought it would be really funny. But all it was was a bunch of boob shots."
Me: Yeah, and they weren't even of Bill.

After Kristen opened the super-cool early birthday present I got her (which she'll tell you about on her blog), she started playing with the bow that had decorated the wrapping. It was a big bow of purple, blue, and pink metallic curls. She puts the bow on top of her head and says, "Look! I'm April's bangs!" Which everyone but me found absolutely hilarious. Several minutes later her dad comes in the room. Kristen puts the bow on her head again and says, "Hey, Dad! Guess who I am?"
Kristen's dad: I don't know. Sideshow Bob?
*sigh* Of course, everyone thought that was hilarious, too. Bastards.

Friday night we went to check out Beaner's in Duluth, a little coffee shop with a stage where performers...um...perform. Anyway, we wanted to see some guy named David Boone sing. We never even stayed for the main event. The first opening act stunk. Every song sounded the same. But some guy in front of us, who looked about 12, held up his beer, revealing a liger tattoo, and yelled "Sounds good." I had a very hard time not laughing.

Then the 12-year-old and his buddy were the next act. They took off their shoes and socks before taking the stage. And they continually yelled "Folk rock!" I decided they looked like tattooed hobbits. One song's chorus was the repetitious line, "When you fill me up, I'll drink you down." And they were serious. They even sang with their eyes closed. The final song that I stuck around to hear was something about, "I gotta get out of this town." I just barely stopped myself from yelling, "Yeah? Well, I gotta get out of here!" I took many notes on the things that were annoying/hilarious. I think the girls next to me thought I was a critic for a paper or something. They kept trying to read what I was writing.

Also, there's only so many berets and goatees I can handle. Granted, there was only one guy with a beret and a goatee, but that just happens to be my limit.

After eating at Perkins, we were paused in front of the sticker machine...because 27-year-olds NEED stickers. My sticker read "I *heart* Frat Boys." Anyway, a worker there was attempting to place a rug that he'd rolled up for cleaning back in its spot. He roughly unrolled it, and it struck me in the legs. I yelled, "Rug'd!" We found it amusing, but he didn't even apologize or anything. Stupid Perkins worker.

At Applebee's, we placed our order with a waitress: a santa fe chicken salad, an oriental chicken salad, and a chicken club sandwich. A little while later, a waiter comes up to our table and shouts, "Hello, hello! Who's rockin' the chicken club?" We all blankly stare at him. He says, "Uh, the chicken club sandwhich?" Krista raises her hand, I turn away to laugh at the waiter. Then he goes, "Well, you were all looking dumbfounded." Dude, ya think it had anything to do with you being a dork?

At Target, (no, this is a different visit) we're all standing in line to check out. Kristen has just paid for her items when the clerk, a new guy, starts flashing his light to signal for a manager. Apparently he'd run out of receipt tape and didn't know how to put in a new one. The manager attempts to start a new one, but the paper keeps sticking. She goes, "It's just like toilet paper. You need some, but you can't get it." We fake laugh politely.

After the paper was in, the manager noted that too much time had elapsed for the computer to recognize the last sale and form a receipt. In order to get one, they'd have to void all Kristen's items and re-ring them up to give her a receipt. I sighed deeply and said to Kristen, "I can't take you anywhere!" She told me to never mind and just fill out my check. I said I couldn't just guess the total. And then, since she'd mostly just bought candy for Easter baskets she was making, I said, "She just bought food. She can't return it anyway. She doesn't need a receipt." Then I pushed the cart towards her and said, "Outta my way, lady."

So the kid rings up my items, trying not to laugh, and informs me of my total, $25.30. Kristen goes, "You couldn't have guessed that total?" I snootily replied, "I had things on my mind." The kid was trying hard not to laugh at our lame shenanigans.

Out in the car, we were bragging about our skills at cracking up teenage boys. I quipped that we're at our comedic peak. Then Kristen, pretending she was talking to the check-out boy, says, "Well, hello. If you were a couple years older..."
Me: You'd still be too young.
We laugh.
Kristen: I'd be in jail!

And on our drive home, another car pulled out in front of us with its brights on. Kristen yelled something almost intelligible in shock/fear. We kept driving as nothing else happened. A minute later, I said to Kristen, "Uh, did you just yell 'Zadot?'" Indeed, she had. So we yelled Zadot! for the rest of the weekend.

Krista told Kristen that she was going to email her a picture of something she's thinking about getting another friend as a present. Keep in mind, earlier in the weekend, I had given Krista her belated Christmas AND birthday presents, because it had been so long since I'd seen her. She'd also given me my Christmas presents. And she gave Kristen her Christmas gifts (some homemade ornaments...a tad bit grandma-ish, but nice), and Kristen had given Krista a birthday package, but nothing for Christmas. Got that? Okay. So, Krista wanted Kristen's opinion on a gift she was giving to another friend.
Krista: I need your opinion because you have excellent taste, and I don't.
Kristen: You have taste, Krista... It was evident in the Christmas present you gave me. *she tries desperately not to laugh*
Me: BURN!!!
Krista and I laugh.
Krista: Yes, Kristen. And it was evident how much you think of me by the Christmas present you gave me. (which, if you'll recall, was nothing)
Me: DOUBLE BURN!!!
Really, it was hilarious.

Anyway, look to Krista's page for a revealing conversation between Kristen and I.
And look to Kristen's page for our new hit song.