You KNOW it!

So, Best Week Ever was on last night, so I prepared myself for the usual laughs that the show induces. Imagine my delight when American Idol David Cook appeared. He was hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing, ya'll. Please watch. (I'd had a crush since his audition, but his side kick turned it into full-blown love.)



And then later I had a dream that he made me a Bloody Mary. Weird, but I'll take weird David Cook dreams over no David Cook dreams at all.

Mothers, don't let your babies grow up to be jerkfaces.

I believe I've mentioned that I hate teenagers? The sullen little you-know-whats. They're so annoying. Like the girl who has the cell phone stuck to her ear the entire time she's in the library. "Are you mad at me? Why-a? Whyyy-a? Just tell me!" The boys who smell like they came straight from gym class and stink up the joint with their sweaty pitts. And who harrass the one quiet girl in the group. "Hey. Hey, you. What's the matter? Do you hate me? What's the matter with you? What's wrong? Why won't you talk to me? Hey. Do you hate me?"

Quit hanging out at the library! Go home and annoy your parents.

Today my boss told me that a fourth-grade class was going to visit the library, and all I had to do was set up a chair for the teacher to read a couple of books. And I thought "Fourth-graders? Haven't they been to a library before? Books at that reading level are kind of long to be read in one sitting. Not that we have seating areas. Just this dark corner next to the bathroom." Yeah. It wasn't fourth-graders. It was 3- and 4-year-olds. "Hi, Miss Liberryian!" they chanted in unison, all arranged in rows on our dingy carpeting. The teacher said, "Now everyone listen quietly as the librarian tells us all about the library!" Um. What? So I made a lengthy speech about stuff. I don't really remember what. Finally someone else took over. "See, kids, here's where all the little kid books are kept! And there's games! And movies!" Ohhh. So I wasn't supposed to explain the details of the summer reading program and how I catalog? I thought they were gonna be fourth-graders, people! And even then, I didn't think I had to be a part of it!

But they were all so very sweet. "Hey, Miss April? Wanna know what? I have one of those." He points at our courier bin that's filled with books to be picked up tomorrow. And another boy, "Miss April? I don't know if I've been here before." One girl refused to sit on her fanny; instead, she sat on her knees. The teacher did not like this at all and finally pulled the girl aside. I felt bad. Maybe she just doesn't like that seating position, Teach! "Goodbye, Miss April!" they again chanted in unison as they left the building, each waving and then adding an extra "goodbye" as they filed past me. And not one of them had a cell phone or an emo haircut--the precious darlings.

Funny cuz it's true

Check out someecards.com. Huh-larious. Here are some of my favorites. (These are incredibly tame compared to the majority of the cards on the site. Just a little friendly warning.)

Oh, look. It's me.

L-O-V-E spells LOVE!

Dragonfly. Locket. Gold. What's not to love? $25.

Genius, I tell you!

This chick should money, honey. What a unique and cute idea! Car litter bag, $19. Comes with a roll of biodegradable baggies.

Hmph

Dear Overpaid Idiot Doctors,

How about you give a correct diagnosis? Or are you boycotting decent medical practices? When you examine a 3-year-old's ears, don't freaking ignore the hard mass with a red outer ring that signifies an ear infection. After three and a half hours that consist of two five-minute nebulizer treatments and one 10-minute X-ray and ignoring the patient the rest of the time, don't tell the mother that her daughter has neither asthma nor pneumonia, then have a nurse come in to explain the medications for pneumonia ... to only have another doctor two days later confirm that the daughter indeed has asthma!

And, new doctor, thanks for the diagnosis, but don't send the mother to the pharmicist for more prescriptions without explaining how to mix them, in what quantity, and how to use the new nebulizer that the three-year-old must now have at home, thereby pissing off the pharmicist.

And to the rest of you medical people, don't just freaking start doing tests and walk in and out of the room without explaining who you are and, most important, what the importance of the tests are! Would it hurt you to take 30 seconds to explain what the crap you're doing? You're this close to making me think Tom Cruise is sane.

Love, April

Funny even in my dreams

I dreamed last night that I was in class and that David Cook from American Idol was in the class for one day. I kept cracking him up, and he kept giving me The Look.



Delish. After he left, he sent a note thanking all of us for being so cool. He said he'd made some friends (for some reason this meant the females) and some mates (this was meant in the British way and meant for the guys). After the letter was read out loud, I said, "Oh, man. I wanted to be his mate!" *wink* And everyone laughed, cuz I meant the dirty kind of mate.

Then I woke up with my own version of Billie Jean in my head:

David Cook is not my lover;
he's just a guy that I'd like to scromp.
But Archuletta's not my type.

Poor little pumpkin

Jersey's been sick again. It seems to happen regularly. She starts coughing and weezing. It got kinda bad last night, so this morning Amanda and I took her to Urgent Care. She had to have two nebulizer treatments.



It didn't hurt at all. She just had to keep the mask on and breathe normally. The treatment is meant to open her lungs more. Jersey was very good and kept ever so still during each five-minute treatment.



That was not the case in between treatments or when we awaited the results of the chest X-rays. Thank goodness I had the foresight to bring my trusty Nintendo DS so the Werz could play Super Mario Bros. because we were there FOR.EV.ER.



In fact, after waiting another 30 minutes at the pharmacy to fill her three prescriptions (the doctor said it wasn't pneumonia, a nurse said it was ... so who knows?), a dinner at China Buffet and ice cream that she didn't even eat, Jerz conked out on the drive home. (She was awake long enough to see the double rainbows, though!)

Mmm ... Darcy.

Love those sideburns, Fitzy. Meow!

Hodgepodge for $300, Alex.

Did anyone else notice that sign in the audience that read "Cougars for David Cook" on American Idol? I might not be old enough to be a cougar, but I approve that message. Oh, DC. So delish. Remember when you auditioned and I told my family that you were my pick for the American Idol? And that I totally wanted to make out with you? Those words are still true today.

I usually avoid commenting on things that happen at work, but I had an experience yesterday that really ticked me off. A certain someone gets really defensive when I proof their writing and several times now has come up to me with a red face and somewhat angrily insisted that their way was right or that I was being inconsistent with what I had previously corrected. (I wasn't. I was very clear on my instructions.) While I disagreed, I maintained a pleasant attitude and tried to gently state my intentions. Yesterday, I proofed a couple of the person's articles and noted many, many instances of using partial quotes--taking only a few words or phrase of an interviewee's quote and placing it in the middle of the reporter's sentence. Once, I can see. Twice? Maybe. But this was several times in two articles. I made changes. The person objected in a very defensive (and loud!) manner. I told this person that she/he needed to be careful about using partial quotes and that it was better not to use them (as practiced and preached by the Associated Press). The person interrupted with a claim to have already spoken to the publisher and exclaimed "That's just good writing!" Well, no, it isn't. Taking just a few words of someone's quote is discouraged because it can be taken out of context. If you only like a little bit, or if only a little bit is truly quotable/publishable, here's a thought: PARAPHRASE. All that red ink on the story that shows mistakes/bad grammar/punctuation? That's not good writing. It's sloppy. As evidenced by our boss standing over my shoulder reading your story, shaking his/her head and saying, "This isn't good." (Also, I'm not a journalist because I choose not to be, not because I don't know how to write.)

On the phone last night with Kristen:
Me: Did you see Laura invited me to come visit her place?
Kristen: WHO?
Me: Laura Llew.
Kristen: To her place?
Me: Yup.
Kristen: Her actual house?
Me: Yup. She said I could even sleep on her couch!
Kristen: Wha? *panic* Why are I not invited?!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kristen: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*five minutes of laughter later*
Me: What kind of English was that?
Kristen: I think I sprained my throat from laughing.
(We're now seriously looking into costs of flight vs. driving.)

(later)
Kristen: My parents keep asking me how I know Towr.
Me: Oh, yeah?
Kristen: "How do you know her? Did you go to college with her?" No, Mom. "Did you work with her?" No, Mom. "Well, how do you know her?" *sighs deeply* So then I just said, "I know her through April."
Me: ha! My grandparents kept asking me how I knew her, too. So I just said "Well, she's staying at Kristen's house, so I'm just going to visit."
*silence*
Me: And we're almost 30.
Kristen: Oh, brother.

Jersey, outside with Gram. They see a heavy-set woman walk outside next door.
Jersey: Hey, Gram. Look at that big fat woman!
Gram: No, Jersey, we don't say that. What if someone said that about Mama or Gram?
Jersey: No. *shakes head seriously* I just say, "Hey, Gram, look at that big fat bug!"

Gram reading a story to Jersey before bedtime. The book is about hands and all the things they can do.
Gram: *reading* These hands are gentle. They can pick up a kitten.
Jersey: *holds up her own hands and waves them a bit* Well, these hands can slap.

Twilight, the movie

I have watched the teaser trailer for Twilight like 10 times now. Can't. Freaking. Wait!



Kristen Stewart is freaking perfect as Bella. I wasn't sold on Robert Pattinson (he played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter movies) as Edward, but this trailer has completely solidified him in my mind as the perfect 17-year-old vampire. Hurry up, December! I need to see this movie! (I know Laura Llew, at least, is with me on this!)

So last week I got to meet Towr. Though I was sick for most of the week and only got to spend Monday afternoon/evening and Tuesday morning getting to know her, it was enough to know she's awesome. Now that she's gone, life is boring again. This must be how Krista felt the days after meeting Johnny Depp.

Highlights:
* Kristen's Richard Nixon impression, followed by Donald Trump impressions.
* Battling Towr at Guitar Hero (me on easy, she on hard).
* Towr and me versus Kristen and Kate at Cranium (and me having Towr listen in as Kate hummed the Buddy Holly song cuz I only knew one line).
* The drive-by canning at McDonald's.
* Kate inviting me back to Kristen's house to play my SingStar! game. hahaha

I finally finished my short story that I've been working on forever. And by finished, I mean now I have a ton of revisions to do. I have my next writers group meeting tomorrow night, so I'll get their opinions (along with the awesome feedback from dear RC Cola) and start reworking. A local "famous" author came into the library yesterday while I was working on my next story, and a co-worker introduced me to her. My co-worker bragged about my writing (which was highly embarrassing because it's just a story, nothing fabulous), so then the author was telling me to submit it to Reader's Digest. No offense, but Reader's Digest? Seriously? I don't think so.

I saw Iron Man yesterday with my uncle Don. It was pretty darn good. My apologies to RC and K-Lo, as when I read their comments that Robert Downey Jr. was sexy, I scoffed and shook my head. The movie certainly changed my mind. Meow, sir!