Have you noticed that the fortunes in Chinese restaurant fortune cookies are just getting worse all the time? How difficult is it to make up fortunes, anyway? Kristen and I had a ton of suggestions when Ms. Llew was seeking fortune ideas for a party. Of course, we weren't savvy enough to realize she'd been looking for Harry Potter-themed fortunes, but still. They're pretty awesome. Some of them anyway.
Here's one that my sister got just a few days ago when we went to a local Chinese restaurant for dinner.
"Time heals most everything. Give it time, time."
*gag*
And here's one Krista got a few years ago.
"If it doesn't work vertically or horizontally, try diagonally."
What the crap does that even mean???
The worst one I ever received said, "You enjoy competitive sports." No. No, I don't. That's not even remotely true. And it isn't a fortune! It's a false statement. Fortunes involve actually predicting that something will happen. For example, "Beware of the silver Cadillac. The driver's a real prick." Wouldn't you want to know ahead of time to watch out for a prick driving a silver Caddy? I sure would!
For fun, try a Bad Cookie.
Acquiring a Nemesis
3 years ago
9 comments:
"No. No, I don't."
I literally laughed out loud for a good ten seconds at that.
It's so funny you would talk about this today because we had Chinese last night and we talked about how crappy the "fortunes" have gotten. Like you said, they're not fortunes, they're crappy statements. LAME
Ha!
We have also noticed this disturbing trend. I think the light pollution's gotten so bad in China they can't read the stars anymore. Or something.
Hee! Yeah, the fortunes they give out at Panda Express? Totally not fortunes. More like random statements or proverbs, but not fortunes.
By the way, if I go out another dinner and someone says to me, "We do this great game with fortunes! We put 'in bed' at the end of every fortune! It's so funny!"
No, no it's not. You didn't think of it. It's been around a long time and it's NOT FUNNY ANYMORE (if it ever was.)
Zuc, to be fair, when my mom got a the disappointing *fortune* of "You must work hard and be diligent," I added "in bed" to make her laugh. But I don't claim to be the originator of that that phrase. (Or do I?)
I remember the first time I ever had Chinese food. It was my first year in college, and it was with my Christian group of friends. We had a much tamer "in bed" phrase to use with our fortunes, but I can't think of what it was! It's driving me nuts.
I can't believe the first time you ever had Chinese was in college! I suppose it's possible--my mom hadn't had a taco until she moved out here to college, so...
I should say, I did have a couple of fortunes hanging in my cubicle for the longest time (they never came true): "All your wildest dreams will come true" and "A romantic interlude will soon come your way". Total. Bollocks.
"You enjoy competitive sports."
Oh my!
Sheesh, so much for proofreading my last comment. That's what I get for trying to be sneaky and blog while at work!
TOWR, most of my firsts came in college: first kiss (I know, I'm so lame), first Chinese food dinner, first stalkers (male and female!), first hickey... Ah, the memories.
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