The countdown begins. Less than 2 weeks until my birthday. So here's the plan:
Everyone write a letter to Joaquin Phoenix and beg him to come visit me on my birthday. Sure, he might be kinda busy with this whole "Walk the Line" film just out, but if enough people bombard him with letters, he's bound to notice, right? Don't say anything like, "She's your biggest fan," cuz he probably hears that all the time and may decide to quiz me on his numerous films. No, we need a different approach.
How about saying, she's not too bad to look at? Or maybe, she's good for a few laughs? Tell him I'm not requesting that he bring a present (though I wouldn't turn them away). I just want to make out, er, I mean talk with him. And he can sing like Johnny Cash to me. Actually, he could sing like Weird Al and I'd love every minute of it.
I'd even choke down meals full of tomatoes and onions (he's a vegan). For J.P., I'd walk the line. Oh, that was a crappy ending. Don't tell him I said that.
Acquiring a Nemesis
3 years ago
9 comments:
I'm writing a letter to him right this very moment.
But he's a vegan??? Perhaps he'd be interested in vegan bondage gear. Just a thought.
Tofu handcuffs, anyone?
I'll be sure to include that in my letter...
Well, I don't want to scare him off straight away. After I win him over with my stammering and constant blushing, I can initiate the vegan love tools.
If you were me, you would also fiddle with your necklace and make aawkward, terret's syndrome-like motions with your hands while stammering and blushing - trust me, it drives the boys wild...
You're such a meat eater he'd probably be afraid you'd take a bite out of his arm.
mmmmmm...meat...
Wow, this is a great idea! I'm on it, Rapie. Hey, maybe he'd be intrigued by your nickname.
Mcgruff the crime dog says"You can take a bite out of his ass"
There's nothing wrong with biting, is there?? Just a nibble or two.
Also, when I'm stammering and blushing, I continually put on chapstick, nod a lot, and clear my throat. And I wonder why I'm single.
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