I'm feeling rather melancholy today. I have no social life to speak of, which only drives the message home harder that I used to have so much fun.
Two years ago at this time, I loved a boy. We were great friends. We went to movies together, joked around nonstop, had the greatest discussions on books and movies. He sang "Love Me Tender" while looking into my eyes.
One year ago at this time, I was mostly over the hurt of Him with another girl, especially since they'd broken up. We could laugh again, hang out... He even watched Kristen and I do karaoke (a better version of "Karma Chameleon" you'll never hear).
And the friendship ended. Without my even knowing it for a while. I'd changed jobs, trying for a better life and career. The career didn't work out. And then the life slowly died away. All the friends I'd had at my former workplace didn't call me or invite me out like before. And He started dating someone new, which meant I could no longer be a part of his life, I guess. I felt like a leper. I still do. It's lonely in this town.
I wish I could say that I'm completely over him, but I'm not. I don't mean that I long for him, daydream about him or anything. I would never even want to have a relationship with him, too much has passed. But I miss him so much. We really did have so much fun. A guy who reads? And has no problem holding his own in a conversation? Who makes me laugh...a lot! Even with all his faults, he was such a good guy. And that makes me wonder, will there ever be another guy like him?
A couple of my friends don't like him. Jolene, for instance. And my sister. Yes, I know he wasn't perfect. I am not romanticizing the past. But some did. My mom, Cara, and Krista all liked him. Kristen didn't like him when she wasn't around him, but she sure warmed up when he was around. Because he was so damn charamatic. You couldn't help but like him.
There's not really a point to this blog. Nothing's changed. He's out of my life. So are all of my friends from that time. What do you call that? A flash in the pan? "Something which disappoints by being over too quickly." Yeah, that about says it all.
I'm just tired of the missing.
Acquiring a Nemesis
3 years ago
10 comments:
While in Dallas for the U2 concert, I went astalkin' my former love-of-my-life. We've been away from each other for 4 years now. He's been married and divorced. Yet I'm still in love with him. We should start a club.
Carrie - Boy, oh boy, I could so join that club.
April - Remember when we were playing Scene It! and I thought I'd have to take off my shirt? And he opened your drink for you? And it was really hot that he did that for you? And I tried to charm him with my "feminine wiles" and then realized I didn't have any? What a smart, book reading bastard he was.
Those smart, book reading bastards to that to me every time!...Oh wait, I don't think I've ever chanced upon a smart, book reading bastard.
I'd miss him too.
*sniffles* I feel for you, April!! I don't even have someone to feel bad about - because all my ex's were never worth that!! (And I totally understand the feeling lonely part....I live 6 hours from anyone fun.)
Oh April!!
That sucks. Let's eat ice cream together tonight - I'll get a pint herre - you get a pint there and let's not stop till they're done..okay?
Food is such great therapy, don't you think?
Some boys are lame. Just like this comment. Lame.
I stumbled upon my photo albums yesterday and was looking at the bar pictures with you, me, and that boy. We had such a good time all the time. I began missing him too, but mostly I miss you.
I have to agree with Jolene...he was very confusing and he sent so many mixed messages.(typical gemini)
Believe me, I'm good at reminiscing and missing. Wait until February, when it's my month to make a CD.
Carrie - My friends and I had a stalker club. I even played around with the idea of writing a book called, "The Good Girl's Guide to Stalking."
Kristen - Yes, of course I remember him opening my drink. It was the hottest thing ever. Except for the time he kissed my pinky. *shudder* Bastard.
Rachel - The smart, book-reading bastards are quite uncommon. I actually didn't even like this guy until he started talking about books, and then I heard harp music and was blinded by brilliant light.
Krista - You are totally the best listener ever. You always let me complain. And even when I tell you that I've given up, you give me hope.
Heather - Ice cream. Good. Now.
Jolene - Believe me, I understand why you didn't like him. Plus, you're protective of your friends. I'm not upset at that. I need someone with objectivity in my life. :)
Cara - You know better than anyone how confusing he was, cuz you were usually my witness! Remember this?..."shwing!"
Girls like book-loving bastards? Except for sounding like the moniker of an emo-band that may be good news for me.
I totally have no idea what emo means.
But I do love book-loving bastards. :)
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