I have been hunkered down in my room lately, alternating between watching awesome TV shows and reading books. Oh, and playing Nintendo DS. I just finished season one of Arrested Development (excellent), and I'm now on season one of How I Met Your Mother (freaking hilarious).

Ah, so this is why I don't drink much hot chocolate ... it coats my tongue and gives me a headache.

I hope something awesome happens soon. My life is really, really blah lately. I don't get to meet Johnny Depp like Krista does, none of the presidential candidates, I'm sure, will campaign near me, there are no cute boys to have crushes on. *sigh* BO-RING.

So yesterday? This total douchebag van driver peeled out in the alley as I was walking past on the sidewalk, and the van tires threw this big wave of snow at me. Stupid idiot van driver.

If I was cooler, I'd send out these cards for Valentine's Day. But I'm not.

"For you it's goodbye, for me it's to cry, for whom the bell tolls."

Heath Ledger, 1979-2008



God, I loved him. I really did.

When my uncle, Brad, moved to California in 2002, I had one request: "If you ever meet Heath Ledger, tell him I love him!"

It wasn't long after he made his move that, as he and a friend drove through LA, Brad spotted a sign adverising an autograph signing with Heath. He made his friend turn around, and Brad stood in line for 45 minutes to get an autographed photo for me. It's matted and framed and has hung on my bedroom wall for more than 5 years now. This is a replica of the one I have:

Last Friday, my co-worker Ray and I were talking about how excited we were about the upcoming Batman movie, Dark Knight. I told him that my favorite thing about Heath is that, no matter what role he takes on, he just becomes that character. You never watch and think, "That's Heath Ledger playing that guy." He's just the character. That's really rare, I think. Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise no matter what role he plays. Same with Mel Gibson, Jim Carrey, Bruce Willis, any leading male actor you can think of.

I wondered how many times I've personally blogged about him. His name popped up four times on this blog. I checked my first blog, and I stopped counting after the seventh post that featured him.

If I, a person who has never actually met the man, have been touched that much by his life and death, I can't imagine the heartbreak his family and close friends must be suffering.

Well, hello, men in my dreams.

So, lately I've been having some star-studded dreams, starring studs.

First up was the delicious, yet dearly departed, Brad Renfro. I don't remember much, but I had just watched Ghost World in memorium, so that's probably why he made his appearance.

Next was a first-time dream Romeo, Mr. Ryan Hansen, whose starred in such awesome TV shows as Veronica Mars and ... uh ... Frankly, that's the only thing I know him from. I'm not normally a blond fan, but in my dream I made a smart-ass comment to someone, and Ryan nodded approvingly. When I woke up, I was like, "Meow, Dick Casablancas. Meow."



Then last night my sexy standby John Mayer made another appearance. We were both at Shopko, and he leaned up against a shelving unit and gave me a pick-up line. Something about how I should come over to his shopping cart sometime. It was hilarious.



Ah, boys.

Brad Renfro, dead at 25

My sister and I looooooved Brad Renfro.

He was a great actor, starting with his 1996 role in The Client. Who doesn't remember that movie? And after that, one of my favorite sappy movies, The Cure. Major tear-jerker.

Speaking of tear-jerkers, the dark but amazing Sleepers had plenty of air-time at my house. God, that movie was fantastic, despite its horrifying subject.

And there's plenty of movies that he's been in that I haven't even gotten around to yet, and some I should reconsider (Ghost World). I think I'll have a Renfro weekend in memorium.

I know a semi-celebrity!

One of my co-workers, the graphically gifted Ray Kaselau, recently had his original artwork selected for the cover of a cookbook to benefit a Barack Obama fund-raiser. Congrats to Ray. Here's a picture of the cookbook.

Interested parties can check out the Web site here and download the cookbook for the reasonable suggested donation of $10.

As for me, until the nation says otherwise, Go, Hillary!

Birthday dreams and soapbox wishes

I gave Amanda her presents yesterday: Bath & Body Works miscellanea, a huge case of makeup, and a private performance of "Slow Ride" and "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." Shut it. I'm a beginner.

Then I gave her a makeover with her new makeup. And if I had remembered my USB cord, I could've posted a pic. Ah, well. She looked cute.

We had dinner at Culver's, where I avoided looking at the boy who had taken over my proofreading job after I quit at my former newspaper. (Also, I saw an ad for a proofreader at that same newspaper yesterday. So either he left or Sharon did, but I just saw her over Christmas and she didn't mention anything. Hmm... Mystery.) I ordered a cheddar burger, which was ginormous and undercooked. Grosssssss. Amanda had a tasty chicken salad sandwich. Stupid cheddar burger.

Of course, once we got to the theater, the movie we'd wanted to see, Enchanted, wasn't playing. Instead, we saw I Am Legend, and it was excellent! It was sad and suspenseful and scary. Once the credits were rolling, I showed my sister the napkin that I'd wrung into a tight roll during all the creepy parts. In turn, she opened her hand to show me the wadded up napkin she'd balled up during the scary parts, too! ha! We're such dorks. (Sidenote: Meow, Will Smith. Meow.)

We went shopping afterward, and I purchased Singstar. So when I'm finished with work today, Amanda's going to come over so we can do some lame karaoke of '80s songs. It'll be awesome!

Here are some unawesome things I've noticed lately that have annoyed me greatly:

~ People's disgusting body noises and odors. Just because I work in a public setting doesn't mean that I should have to be subjected to people's unwashed bodies. Yesterday at the library, this disgusting old man who is always there looking up chicks on Match.com, farted FIVE times. Loud, long, juicy ones that were inescapable and highly noticeable. Never apologized, never even acknowledged that it happened. Finally, my boss had to go over and ask him if he needed to use the bathroom. This is just inexcusable. Who the hell does things like this?? I'm still just so appalled and repulsed.

~ Swearing in public. Blah, blah, blah, freedom of speech, whatever. Have people forgotten how to carry on basic conversation without dropping the F-bomb? When did this happen, that people think it's no big deal to use obscenities and sex talk in front of children, the elderly, and just generally in a public setting? I don't understand. I mean, sure I swear, but I have an awareness of whose company I'm keeping. For the love of Pete, people! Let children maintain their innocence as long as possible! You bastards.

~ Maybe this is just a little petty, but this also ticks me off: since Kmart's One Hour Photo closed down, our local Wal-Mart's One Hour Photo price jumped from $6.99 for double prints to $9.99. That is outrageous, and this girl will not submit to strong-arming.

~ And finally, I'm so sick to death of the sense of entitlement that people seem to have these days. They think that whatever they want, they can have, regardless of any rules or policies that are in effect. And the lying!! Ugh. The lying to get what they want or to achieve what they want. "Why do I have a late fee? I dropped those movies off last night in the book drop. I'm not paying that fine." Uh, yes, you are. I watched you drop them in this morning after we'd already opened for the day, so you were a day late. (Plus, the neon pink sticker on the front of the movie clearly states "Do not put in book drop." You should be charged extra for not complying with that rule.) Don't freaking lie to me. I don't get it. Why is there so much lying? No wonder people have trust issues; no one can tell the truth.

"This is not a food baby, all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I am for shizz up the spout."

So, guess who got Guitar Hero III as a belated birthday present from her uncle? That's right, kids. ME. And I rock a mean "Slow Ride" by Foghat.

Last weekend on a semi-spur of the moment, I made a trip up to Superior to visit my favorite Kristen. We took in the movie Juno, which was MF awesome. I can't stop thinking about that movie. So good. Saturday night we went gambling with Kate and Kelly. It actually took longer to drive to the casino than for how long we were in the casino, but it was fun. I broke even playing the penny slots, Kelly I think doubled her fortune thanks to a Kenny Rogers machine, and Kate and Kristen apparently didn't know when to fold 'em. So we went back to Kristen's to play CatchPhrase and Boggle. Oh, and I bought these fortune telling cards at a toy shop in Duluth, so we messed around with our inner-gypsies, too. That sounded really bad, didn't it?

I also took a couple pictures of Kristen falling off the bed and knocking over a table, but she won't let me post them.

I also purchased my very own pink Nintendo DS Lite. Thank you, Target! For games, I went old school with Super Mario Bros. and Donkey Kong. Have been playing it nonstop since then.

A former professor of mine from college also recently contacted me about a book of his that is being re-released and expanded, and since he only uses a typewriter, he wants me to type it up on a computer and save it on a disk for him. First of all, he was my favorite prof of all time, so I consider it an honor that he still requested me for help. Second, hello, extra income! And hello, amazingly correct psychic! (Did I ever mention that I had a psychic reading last summer? No? Hmm. I'll have to blog about that someday.)

I'm now rewatching Season 3 of Veronica Mars, but I'm taking my time because I'm so sad that it's the end. Damn you, CW!!

Tomorrow is my sister's 24th birthday. We're gonna go see Enchanted since 27 Dresses isn't out yet.

Third annual book list

For the third consecutive year, I will be posting a list of all the books I have read over the past year. I managed to pack my highest number yet into 2007. Here's some help to understanding the list:
~Any title that's in blue print is a book that I highly recommend.
~Titles in green print will be books that were in audio format.
~Asterisks (*) mark books that are part of a series.
~Titles that are in bold have been reviewed on New Dork Times, my book blog.

Also, last year I invited readers to suggest a book for me to read. I had great intentions, but unfortunately, I didn't get to each one. Someday, maybe. For now, check out my book list. I hope you find some that will interest you!

1) Bridget Jones's Diary, by Helen Fielding
2) Dead to the World, by Charlaine Harris*
3) Dead as a Doornail, by Charlaine Harris*
4) Definitely Dead, by Charlaine Harris*
5) The Long Chalkboard and Other Stories, by Jenny Allen
6) Secret Society Girl: An Ivy League Novel, by Diana Peterfreund
7) Stardust of Yesterday, by Lynn Kurland
8) Sickened, by Julie Gregory
9) Running With the Demon, by Terry Brooks
10) Sleeping With the Fishes, by Mary Janice Davidson
11) May Day, by Jess Lourey
12) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, by J.K. Rowling*
13) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, by J.K. Rowling*
14) Fangland, by John Marks
15) Love Overboard, by Janet Evanovich
16) Bloodsucking Fiends, by Christopher Moore*
17) I wrote down the date I finished it, 3/23/07, but forgot the title & author.
18) Five Men Who Broke My Heart, by Susan Shapiro
19) Autobiography of Red, by Anne Carson
20) You Suck, by Christopher Moore*
21) Burning Bright, by Tracy Chevalier
22) Dead and Dating, by Kimberly Raye*
23) The Stolen Child, by Keith Donahue
24) Dead and Dateless, by Kimberly Raye*
25) Something Borrowed, by Emily Giffin
26) Something Blue, by Emily Giffin
27) Baby Proof, by Emily Giffin
28) Fairest, by Gail Carson Levine
29) Heart-Shaped Box, by Joe Hill
30) Skinny Dip, by Carl Hiaasen
31) Undead and Unwed, by Mary Janice Davidson*
32) Undead and Unemployed, by Mary Janice Davidson*
33) All Together Dead, by Charlaine Harris*
34) Undead and Unappreciated, by Mary Janice Davidson*
35) Undead and Unreturnabale, by Mary Janice Davidson*
36) Undead and Unpopular, by Mary Janice Davidson*
37) The Society of S, by Susan Hubbard
38) The Nature of Monsters, by Clare Clark
39) Remembering Sarah, by Chris Mooney
40) Abby Cooper, Psychic Eye, by Victoria Laurie*
41) Walking on Ice, by Susan Hubbard
42) As I Lay Dying, by William Faulkner
43) Lost and Found, by Carolyn Parkhurst
44) Body Surfing, by Anita Shreve
45) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, by J.K. Rowling
46) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, by J.K. Rowling (Not a typo. I actually read it again immediately after finishing the first time.)
47) Austenland, by Shannon Hale
48) Such a Pretty Girl, by Laura Wiess
49) Better Read Than Dead, by Victoria Laurie*
49) Undead and Uneasy, by Mary Janice Davidson*
50) Eclipse, by Stephenie Meyer*
51) Bridge to Terabithia, by Katherine Paterson
52) A Vision of Murder, by Victoria Laurie*
53) Killer Insight, by Victoria Laurie*
54) Labyrinth, by Kate Mosse
55) In the Woods, by Tana French
56) What's a Ghoul to do?, by Victoria Laurie
57) Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone, by J.K. Rowling*
58) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, by J.K. Rowling*
59) Red Leaves, by Thomas Cook
60) Crime Seen, by Victoria Laurie*
61) Ask Again Later, by Jill A. Davis
62) An Ice Cold Grave, by Charlaine Harris*
63) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, by J.K. Rowling*
64) The Every Boy, by Dana Adam Shapiro
65) Ghost, by Alan Lightman
66) The Royal Treatment, by Mary Janice Davidson
67) Under the Rose, by Diana Peterfreund
68) Morrigan's Cross, by Nora Roberts*
69) Dance of the Gods, by Nora Roberts*
70) Valley of Silence, by Nora Roberts*
71) The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, by Kate DiCamillo
72) Stardust, by Neil Gaiman
73) The Year of Endless Sorrows, by Adam Rapp
74) The City of Ember, by Jeanne DuPrau
75) The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox, by Maggie O'Farrell

Ah, memories

For a special edition to coordinate with our regularly published edition during Christmas week, the newspaper staff where I work was asked to write about our favorite Christmas memories. It took a couple of days to come up with something that was suitable for newsprint. Accompanying a picture of little April holding Papa Smurf and sitting on Santa's lap was the following story. Enjoy.

For most people, December invokes memories of hot chocolate in front of a fire, sleigh rides, and maybe even a Christmas carol or two. I'm not most people. The onslaught of dazzling garland, fancy ornaments and multicolored strands of lights adorning Christmas trees always make me remember a cold December evening involving two strangers and a lone pine tree.

It was the night of a holiday concert at my high school, and I was in my junior year. My friends Cara and Dave, self-proclaimed A/V geeks, had just finished filming the concert for school records, and then we were on our way to drop off Dave at his home out in the country. We made our way slowly, as the night was foggy and the roads were quite icy. About a quarter of a mile before Dave's house, near a Christmas tree farm, we saw two people standing along the side of the road, looking out into the fog as if they were waiting for someone. We left Dave safely at his house and made our slow return to town.

At the stop sign, Cara and I made sure we didn't see any oncoming headlights penetrating the fog, and we were just about to pull out when suddenly the back doors opened and the dome light came on. Two strange people, a young man and young woman, whom we later realized were the same two we'd seen earlier in front of the tree farm, hopped into the backseat. The man was frantically pulling a pine tree into the car. Cara and I stared in shock, my eyes meeting the startled gaze of the woman. She squeaked and jumped back out of the car. The man looked at us with both puzzlement and dread as he realized we apparently weren't the ride they had been waiting for. He shoved the tree back out, and he and the young woman disappeared into the fog.

The rest of the ride back to my house was punctuated with moments of laughter and bewilderment as we struggled to come to terms with the strange encounter. Had it really happened? Had they been figments of our imagination? The moment of truth was revealed when we opened the back doors and found a seat filled with fresh pine needles and an abandoned yellow flashlight.

So enjoy your candy-cane and mistletoe-filled memories. As for me, December will always call to mind visions of a cold, foggy night, good friends, and Christmas tree thieves.

Hope you enjoyed this very true story. My co-workers got a laugh, and I hope you did, too. A belated merry Christmas to you all, and good tidings in 2008!

"You guys, I'm hungry. I know when my stomach growls there's trouble."

I must have been really disappointed after opening all my presents last night that I didn't get Guitar Hero, because this morning I woke up with this Goonies quote on repeat in my mind:

"Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back."

STUFF!

Currently obsessed with:

BOOKS!

MOVIES!

(Dear Lame Narrator, his name is Gerard, not Jared. Get it right or pay the consequences.)

TV SERIES!

WANTING THINGS!

Small vampire bottle.

Vampire pocket tissue holder.

Snowcake, from LUSH.

Eye shadow for blue eyes, from Sephora.

Vera Wang Princess fragrance and lipgloss, from Sephora.

"He's just gonna keep on loving her. She's gotta be sore. I appreciate the sentiment, but enough!"

Note to parents everywhere: Never bring your 3-year-old to Wal-Mart. Ever. For one, your arms and wrists will be extremely sore the next day just from trying to subdue a wildly hysterical, shrieking, fighting toddler terrorist. Also, everyone will stop and stare at you while you fight to maintain your bear-hug grip so that said toddler terrorist doesn't escape as you try to take her out to the car to calm the fuck down. People will glare at you as if you are trying to kidnap your child, or in my case, niece, but they won't try and stop you because no one wants to get involved. Also, I might have snapped their heads off.

Ah, memories.

Is it time for conversations yet? Yes, I believe it is.

Kristen: What about that one movie? Mr. Magorium's something Emporium.
April: Wonder Emporium.
Kristen: Whatever.
April: You can remember Magorium and Emporium, but not Wonder?
Kristen: That's how I roll.
(5 minutes later)
Kristen: Mr. Magorium's Wonderful Emporium.
April: Wonder. Not Wonderful.
Kristen: Shut up.

Kristen: Boy crotches gross me out.
April: Even Colin Meloy's?
Kristen: Oh, no. His would be shining like the morning sun.

Aaron: (answering phone) Hello? (listens) Hey is for horses.
April: Gay is for Aaron.

I had more, but I forgot my list at home. *sigh* Blogging is hard work.

A few highlights from the Twin Cities trip:

At Friends 2B Made (yes, that's what it's called), I made a little doll (like this) for Jersey for Christmas. I dressed her in this outfit, which is almost identical to one that Jersey wears, and I even picked out a pajama set so Jerz could change her. Anyway, the girl who worked there? Totally psycho. She grabbed the doll out of my hands and started making it dance! And gave it a creepy voice. Then she talked to it. There was more weirdie things, but I can't remember. Kristen and I were quite disturbed and kept giving each other wide-eyed looks.

Our first night at the hotel, we decided to order in room service because it was already dark out and we didn't want to try to maneuver through an unfamiliar city. After I ordered (I lost rock/paper/scissors against Kristen), the guy on the other end of the line goes, "Are you eating all of this yourself, ma'am? *snicker*" har har Then he assures me it'll be up in 20 minutes. The menu insists that if the dinner isn't served within 30 minutes of ordering, the meal is free. Almost an hour later, the food finally arrives. The girl delivering the tray strikes up a conversation about where we're from--like unusually interested. She presents me the bill, which is around $45. I mention the hotel guarantee about the free meal. I point out the statement on the menu and reiterate that I'd called 50 minutes earlier. So we got ourselves a free meal. With cold fries and a gross dessert.

In the parking garage at the Mall of America, Kristen parked us in an area designated as Hawaii.
Kristen: Can you remember that we parked in Hawaii 15?
Me: *singing* It's not Hawaii Five-Oh, it's Hawaii One-Five!

Coupled with driving in an unfamiliar city, we had to negotiate detours due to the I35 W bridge that had collapsed a few months ago. We drove past one area where you could see wreckage that had been carefully removed and stored in order to later inspect. I was in charge of reading our mapquest directions while Kristen drove.
Me: Oh, look. You can see the wreckage from the--
Kristen: *yells* PAY ATTENTION!
Me: Oh, yeah. Take that exit. Sheesh.

At Urban Outfitters, I got myself a cute business card holder:


I also got a cute purple and silver wallet that was 50% off because a sticker had peeled off the silver in one one-inch square on the inside. Also got some adult Mad Libs for general merriment.

At LUSH I was bombarded by at least five different sales girls in the 10 minutes I was there. Argh. Just let me shop in peace! Anyway, I did end up buying three different soaps: Sultana for myself, Rock Star for my mom, and some rose stuff for myself, sister and someone else I can't name in case they happen to read my blog. Let's hope my sister doesn't read this before Christmas, either.

And dudes, I had the most delicious iced Nesquik chocolate drink at this little booth in MOA. So awesome. I crave it now. Crave. It. Must go check to see if there's a recipe online.

Also? Did I mention? At our fancy hotel, Kristen totally walked so hard into a set of automatic doors that she knocked them off the track. Yeah. It. Was. Awesome! I laughed a lot.

Tonight we took Jersey to see Santa at the newspaper, where they were taking pictures. Santa had on the rattiest costume ever, with a yellow-gray (and real) beard, cracked gloves that looked like they'd been in storage for 30 years, and matted, grayish fur on his suit. For shame, Santa. For shame.

"My chance to say something seemed so brief, but it wasn't. Now I know I had plenty of time."

Kristen and I are headed to Minneapolis this weekend to celebrate my birthday. Better late than never, right? It's going to definitely be a girls' shopping weekend. Mostly, I'm looking for a dressier winter coat (and warmer, since my Fashion Bug cheap-o coat isn't very cold-resistant). I'm hoping to check out Burlington Coat Factory and find some good deals. Maybe something similar to this:



We're also going to ride the Light Rail to the Mall of America. Oh, the shops we'll find there. I haven't been there in years, so this will be so excellent. Here's a few stores for you be oh, so jealous about: Burberry (not that I'll be able to fit into anything from there *sigh*), LUSH Boutique in Macy's, Staccato (Hong Kong fashion shoes), Gucci at Norstrom's, etc.

Oh, and let's not forget the reason we were first attracted to this particular weekend in the Twin Cities: http://www.nocoastcraft.com/

And hopefully we'll get to see Jolene and meet her gorgeous daughter for the first time!

Thanksgiving and the La-La Song

Here's a mini video of Jersey singing at the table on Thanksgiving. Of course my brother is an idiot and started talking/swearing over it while I was filming. And that's my girly voice chastising him. Maybe now that I know how to use this feature on my digital camera and how to upload, I can try again another time! :)

Personal ad faux pas.

Hey, fellas. I know that it's hard to meet that special someone out there. Sometimes you just have to do the unthinkable, something your buddies would razz you about--putting up a personals ad. It's okay. Don't be ashamed. All's fair in the search for love, right?

I've looked at some of your ads today, guys, and I gotta say, you're screwed. And not the way you'd no doubt like. So, to help you win some lady love, here's some free pointers.

Don't use a picture of yourself with a sucker in your mouth for your profile pic.

Don't claim to be 31 when you're obviously closer to retirement age.

Don't use the phrase "Seeking a Fishing Buddy" as your attention grabber. 1) Ask the guy at the bait shop to be your fishing buddy. 2) There's no reason to capitalize 'fishing' or 'buddy.'

Don't quote the movie "Airplane" if you ever hope to get nookie.

Don't use your high school yearbook photo and/or family portrait as your profile pic.

Don't post your ad without using SpellCheck. Twice.

"There is nothing fake about me, except my leg." Self-explanatory.

Don't call yourself Scooter, Ger, or Sparky.

Don't weight 350 pounds and report that your ideal woman is slender. Idiot.

Don't wrestle for the NFW then say you're looking for someone who isn't a "psyco nut job."

Don't use an apostrophe for a plural noun. Come on. Just...don't be an idiot.

Hope that helps! If anything, it's made me feel better.

Conversations

In my dream last night, I had been recruited to help kill evil vampires--
Guy, after giving me a tour of the headquarters: So, that's everything. Any questions?
Me: Um, yeah. How do these Storm Trooper outfits pertain to killing vampires?
Guy: Uh...

At a little country store yesterday--
Barb: That candle smells so nice!
Store Owner: Oh, doesn't it? You know what happened? When I first got it, it smelled so good that I leaned over to take a deeper sniff, and I burned my nose hairs! And my nose stunk all day. I didn't even know that could happen!

At fancy restaurant, Darla (my mom), John, and his mother having adult talk. Mom has just finished talking about work.
John: You know what, honey?
Darla: What?
John: As soon as all my surgeries (on his legs) are finished and I've healed up, I think I know the perfect job I can get.
Darla: (excited for him) Oh, really? What's that?
John: Taking pictures of Spider-Man.
Darla: *sighs* You're such a dork.

My grandma, Aunt Barb and I went shopping for several hours yesterday. I bought myself some delicious birthday presents:



That's Season 3, Part 1 of Ghost Hunters, the new Kanye West cd, earrings, bubble bath from Bath and Body Works, and two kinds of chocolate bars (those I shared with my aunt and grandma). Oh, and I bought a really cute sweater from J.C. Penney.

Also, the library ladies got me a chocolate cake for my birthday, and my co-worker Barb got me leaf-shaped chocolates from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory in Duluth.





Also, it's my birthday and I'll John Mayer if I want to. Check out his blog for a new tune and a funny video parody. I tried to embed, but either Blogger is being a douchebag or they've screwed up the html for the video.

"I gotta go, Moe, my damn weiner kids are listening."

It's been a tiring week, y'all. Who opens their business at 7:30 in the morning?? It's crazy! April isn't made to be up that early. I guess I'll get used to it eventually, but I'm just a night person. Who spends entirely too much time reading.

I do like my new responsibilities at the newspaper, though. Obviously there are a lot of things still left to learn, but my co-workers are very helpful. SO different from the last newspaper I worked at, the bunch of crumb bums.

I'm getting super excited about the last weekend in the month, when Kristen and I are going into the Twin Cities to stay and celebrate my birthday a little late. There's a huge craft fair that looks like a rockin' time, and I think we're gonna hit the Mall of America, too.

There's some movies out that look pretty good. If only I had a movie-watching partner. I'm interested in August Rush, but I don't think I can justify theatre prices just because I love Keri Russell. Awake looks creepy, too.

The countdown begins, my friends. Just 5 measley days left until my final year of my twenties. *sigh* Frack.

When libraries attack

Worst. Week. Ever.

Saturday, after kicking out the stragglers at closing time, I locked up the library building and shut off the lights. Then, before leaving, I decided to go to the bathroom, where I was promptly stuck due to a broken lock.

So there I was, alone in a small bathroom, in an empty, locked building, and no one knowing that I needed help.

Luckily, I keep my purse in the bathroom, so I did have access to my cell phone. However, cell phones are virtually useless if you have no service and/or your battery is about to die. I kept trying to call home, but the phone continued to disconnect.

Now, I'm about the least emotional girl you're likely to meet. And I am not one for hysterics (it's just too uncivilized). But I had my first full-blown, Level 10 panic attack. Complete with hyperventilation. And tears. Dudes, I don't do tears.

Finally, I got my message through to Gramps, who promised to get help. An hour and 45 minutes later, my grandparents, a cop, a street department employee, and a locksmith had made their way through the building entrance. I had calmed myself down plenty by then. But did they ask if I was okay? No. They stood outside the door laughing. Someone rattled the doorknob and asked if I was in there. Because I could have disappeared somehow.

I heard someone ask, "How old is she? And she's the librarian?" As if I was an idiot who couldn't figure out how to unlock the door. They didn't get it through their stupid male brains that the lock was jammed, broken.

We took the doorknobs off, after the first brilliant idea to poke a pin through the hole in the doorknob to pop the lock. (Still operating under the pretense that I didn't know how to unlock a door.) The locksmith couldn't unjam the lock, so he slipped a flat crowbar through the knob opening, and I pried on the doorjamb while he applied pressure on the outside of the door. The door finally swung open.

Then the cop said, "Sometimes a credit card will just pop those locks open. Did you think to try that?" Because surely a credit card would work better than a crowbar. Then the street dept. guy said, "Well, that'll teach you a lesson to always carry your cell phone." And continued with a story about a 6-year-old girl who shut the light off in the bathroom before unlocking the door, and how she was stuck for about half an hour before they could calm her down to find the light switch. Because that really relates to me being stuck in an empty building with a door lock that's freaking jammed!

Mother of my father, I was ticked off!

And on Monday I was diagnosed with strep throat. It was horrible. I stayed home all week until today.

Yesterday my boss at the same library called me. "Um, April? I'm locked in the bathroom." Yes, the door had struck again. I was going to bring tools to help her get out, but then she called information and had the locksmith come over. But the weird thing is, just her mentioning being locked in the bathroom caused my hands to start shaking and my legs to tremble for about 30 minutes afterwards.

Also, poor little Jersey had a dentist appointment yesterday to get caps on two teeth that were chipped. When she woke up, she was hysterically crying because she didn't understand why she couldn't stand on her own and why her mouth was numb. She kept screaming, "My bones aren't alive anymore!" :( Poor pumpkin.

A teenaged girl flipped me off this morning on my way to work. And no, before you comment, she wasn't someone I'd kicked off a computer at the library. I'd never seen her before. I was just minding my own business at the stop sign, patiently waiting for the car she was in to make their turn, when she stared me down and gave me the finger. And after I'd just defended how well the teenagers in my town had behaved on Halloween night. Stupid skank.

I will be starting new work hours at the newspaper next week. On Monday, they'll be setting up my new desk and Mac computer (cuz I gets ta start typesettin' press releases, yo!). And I have a fancy desktop nameplate. I'd post a pic, but I can't be displaying my full name on the Internets. I haven't actually seen my own yet, but I did see my boss' nameplate. Very nice.

So, last night while my brother went to work (full-time! benefits! 401k!), I helped take care of Aaliyah. She's finally accepted me and doesn't pull away if I try to hold her. In fact, I'm the silly aunt who likes to make funny noises and play "So big!" and give her little bits of Cheetos.





Also, while I was taking care of Aaliyah, I was peed, pooped, and puked on. In hockey, they call that a hat-trick. So, as I was leaving for the evening, wearing a cast-off pair of Amanda's jeans because mine had been soaked in baby poo, I serenaded my mother (who was cleaning up another mess) with my own version of "Proud to be an American."

"And I'm proud that I'm not a parent,
'cuz at least I know I'm free.
And that I get to go home
while you clean up that pee."

And how did I forget to post this pic of Jerz with the fake teeth that one family gave instead of candy? Would this make her the Grim Vampire?

Also, as a woman was leaving the library this morning, she stopped, turned to look at me and said, "You have incredible eyes, by the way." It was much nicer than being flipped off, I must say.