"A double kick drum by the river in the summer."

Wilco was, yet again, awesome as awesome can be. This time in freezing weather. The concert was held outdoors, right on Lake Superior. The fog rolled in, the mist misted us, and the wind was frightfully cold.

But we were ready to rock, regardless of the weather. Nay, in defiance of the weather! We huddled in our camp chairs, sipping on hot chocolate, awaiting the deliciousness that is Wilco. But first up was a Duluth band, Low. In honor of a fellow blogger who happens to be a big fan of Low, I took a couple pics for her.

Before I get to Wilco, I'd like to mention here that fellow concert-goers are rampant a-holes. They don't care if they are 2 feet taller than you, they will inevitablely stand directly in front of you, bobbing their hoodie-covered head so that you can never get a clear view of the stage. They don't care if there is only room enough between you and another person to comfortably take a deep breath, they will push right through, most likely spilling beer all over your coat, not bothering to apologize. And there will be lots and lots of smoke, a stinky combination of cigarettes, cigars, and, you guessed it, weed.

Also, if I were to write a letter to some of these concert-goers, it would probably go like this:

Dear Dudes,

Quit looking like a lady.

Love, April

(seriously, what is with guys wearing skinny jeans???)

Anyway. Wilco took the stage. As you may recall from my last post, I requested three songs: Either Way, Via Chicago, and Heavy Metal Drummer. I was very pleased that their first song was, indeed, Either Way.

Sadly, there was no Via Chicago. I did, however, get some terrible dancer's elbow slammed down onto my shoulder. That's something.

And during the encore performance, Wilco brought Low back out to play a song with them. I thought that was pretty cool of them.

Kristen and I were having a pretty rocking time.

Then, during the second encore, Wilco's penultimate song was what I had been waiting ever so impatiently for: Heavy Metal Drummer. If you still haven't listened to it, what the heck are you waiting for? Also, if you ever get the opportunity to see Wilco live, do not hesitate. They are so fun and lively and entertaining. You will not be disappointed, even if you're surrounded by girly-boys in dreadlocks and get beer spilled on you by slutty girls. Seriously. They're that good.

"Maybe you still love me, maybe you don't. Either you will or you won't."

Okay, Wilco. I'm fully prepared to be rocked, and you'd better be fully prepared to do the rocking.




Please play Via Chicago this time. And Heavy Metal Drummer, because it makes me laugh. OH! And Either Way off the new album. Oh, baby. I'm SO ready for this concert!

'L' is for lazy.

One of my bosses happens to have her own blog, and she introduced me to a fun idea for a post. So, being that I'm too lazy to write a real and/or meaningful post today, I'm going to copy her idea. Initially, someone is to give you a letter of the alphabet, and you then post your 10 favorite movies starting with that letter. For today's purpose, I'll choose a random letter and make my list. Anyone else who'd like to play may leave a comment asking for a letter, which I will choose for them.

Movies that start with the letter "L"

1. Labyrinth

2. Lord of the Rings trilogy

3. Lost in Translation (Apparently people either love this movie or hate it. I whole-heartedly love it.)

4. Love Actually

5. The Lost Boys

6. Legends of the Fall (I've actually given up count of how many times I've watched this one.)

7. The Last of the Mohicans

8. Liar Liar

9. Little Miss Sunshine

10. A Love Song for Bobby Long

And, just for a laugh, how about 5 of the worst movies that start with L?

1. Lady in the Water (horr.i.ble. only way to say it.)

2. The Last Kiss (I wanted so badly to love this one. So, so, so disappointing.)

3. Little Black Book

4. The Ladykillers

5. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (I don't even have to watch this one to know it's deplorable.)

You've got no fear of the underdog. That's why you will not survive.

Kristen and I chatted yesterday afternoon. I didn't want you to feel left out, so I'm adding the text of the first half of the chat just for your pleasure. See how I think of you, dear reader?

April: Bastards broke into the library and vandalized the joint! Books everywhere!

Kristen: MF!!!
Did they destroy any books?

April: Yeah. Madness. The mofo cut himself, too. Blood all over the place.

Kristen: DNA!!!

April: Yeah, he ripped a kids book.

Kristen: Get CSI in there!!!
BASTARDS!!!!!

April: And stole a green stuffed dinosaur.

Kristen: But like your police department is going to do anything.
NOT the green dinosaur! DOUBLE BASTARD!

April: Actually, he took C's laptop, but then he dropped it on the ground when he was running away, so they have bloody fingerprints on it.

Kristen: GOOD!

April: He also broke into 2 other businesses* last night and totally smashed up the places.
We got lucky because a neighbor's dog started barking and the neighbor called the police.

Kristen: Do you know who it is?
Good neighbors!

April: No, I don't know if they caught him.** But they got a K-9 unit involved.
That's how they found out about the other places, the blood trail led to the feed mill.

Kristen: Don't tell me they have a K-9 unit involved when I'm drinking Diet Pepsi. I almost spit it out all over.
Lassie?

April: hahaha Why was that so funny?

Kristen: Someone is trapped in the feed mill.
It was funny because I instantly pictured the video cover for the movie K-9.

April: Oh, brother. Is that with Chuck Norris?

Kristen: I was going to say Jim Belushi.

April: Ah.

Kristen: hahaha
I just looked it up.
I'm right.
Sad.

April: Very sad indeed.
loser. ;)

Kristen: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097637/
Bitchface.
;)

April: Quit your smiling.

Kristen: How'd you know?!?!?!?!?!?

April: You made a smiley face, nerd.

Kristen: Dork.

April: I just checked in a book called "Peter and the Blue Witch Baby."

Kristen: Creepy?

April: I think it's funny.

Kristen: Quit your typin'.

April: By the way, the window is all smashed in and now boarded up. I keep thinking there's a curtain there, and I'm annoyed that I can't look out the window.
Quit your quittin'.

Kristen: lol
Stupid kids.
I'll punch him in his undescended testicles!

April: That's an uncomfortable thought.

Kristen: Ouchie on all accounts.

April: Uh-huh.

Kristen: You're planning a stake-out, aren't you? Or are you planning a steak out? ha ha ha ha ha
mmm...steak

April: Oh, you and your cop/food combos.

Kristen: Just call me Wiggums.

April: I will do no such thing.

Kristen: do it
do it
do it

April: Quit your chanting.

*Later found out it was 3 other businesses.
**They did not catch him. I'm also assuming there was more than one person involved in all of these burglaries.

"Where did he come from? Not from your womb."

I don't have much time for updating these days, so you'll have to take what you can get. Here are a few photos to illustrate the zanity that fills any visits between Kristen and I.

After going to see The Simpsons movie (meh), we walked out to see a large cardboard cut-out for this movie, Balls of Fury.



The cut-out had a bunch of ping pong players looking all mean and poised for a ping-pong attack. One character had a hole over the face, so that other people could stick their own face through for a silly effect. Exhibit A:



And Exhibit B:

Kristen and I tried a new Mexican restaurant in my town, and it was mighty delicious. Afterwards, we went to the bakery for a few goodies. On our way back to my place, Kristen decided to immediately eat a cookie.

Me: Do you want to sit on a park bench?

Kristen: Uh, no. I can eat and walk at the same time. *trips*

Later, after purchasing the ingredients and stuff for our snack foods that we were going to bring to Jolene's baby shower the next day, we decided to stop in at the library to check our email.

Kristen: Should we bring the bags inside?

Me: Sure. Why not?

Kristen: Yeah, the taco dip should be fine for a few minutes. *immediately drops bag and dents package of dip*

At Jolene's baby shower, we only played two games. In one, we were each handed a sheet of paper where we were supposed to fill out the names of famous TV show kids. Kristen sneered at me. "You know you're going to win this one." Well, I couldn't remember the names of 3 out of the 5 Huxtable kids. (For future reference, they are Sondra, Denise, Theo, Vanessa, and Rudy.) Also, there were supposed to be three kids for Little House on the Prairie, which they said were Mary, Laura, and Carrie. But I asked if there hadn't been another girl, Grace, and someone agreed with me. So, I won that game by a mile. Jolene snickered, "I knew April would win that game." I won some delicious Ghiradelli chocolates.

In our next game, we were given another sheet of paper and asked to draw a picture of what we thought Jolene's baby was going to look like. Oh, and we had to draw with the paper on top of our heads. Here's mine.

And here's Kristen's.

We dubbed Kristen's picture Ghostbaby. We later made up a song to go with a Ghostbaby cartoon.

"Ghostbaby comes to you at night.

Ghostbaby, ain't he a beautiful sight?

Where did he come from? Not from your womb.

Where did he come from? Probably a tomb!"

Then Ghostbaby pops up and says in his baby squeak, "You're my new mommy!"

Damn, I wish I had an audio blog. You'd be peeing your pants right now.

Also, after making up our Ghostbaby tune, I asked Kristen, "Why do all of our songs sound like 'Cotton Eye Joe?'"

"Wow, that dinner smells good. Let me guess, meat?"

Dear Basterts,
(Yes, I'm calling you the misspelled version of my favorite curse word because you aren't only a bastard, you're deviant, immature thieves who don't deserve a correctly spelled insult.)
Stop breaking into the library.
Love,
April

Dear Wilco,
Who the hell gets adult chicken pox? Weren't you man enough to get it as a child? Hmph. Your rescheduled concert better be 2X as rockin'.
Love,
April

Dear Monday the 13th,
You were just sucky enough to wish I'd never gotten out of bed today. Woke up with a splitting headache. Spilled a bowlful of delicious Golden Grahams and milk down the front of my clothes. The dishrag I tried to use to clean up the mess jumped out of my hand. Mouse in garbage can at work. Smoothie place was closed, resulting in strawberry flavored shake at a different place, as opposed to actual strawberries in the shake. And, of course, Wilco cancelled their show for tomorrow. Well played, Monday the 13th. Well played.
Love,
April

Mom, at grocery store: Have you ever tried those raisin-covered yogurts?
Me: Uh, no. Never tried raisin-covered yogurts.
Mom: Oops! hahahaha Web that on your site!
Me: Yeah. I'll do that.

Krista, at the tractor pull: Ugh! Why do smokers always sit near us? Do I look like a smoker?? No, I look like an eater. Bring your popcorn near us!

Also at the tractor pull:
Krista's brother was super late, so by the time he was supposed to pull, his tractor had only been running for 5 minutes. Therefore, not allowing it enough time to warm up caused something to happen to his whatchamacallit. In other words, he broke down in the first round/class/whatever you call it.

Krista, after announcer repeated the name of a tractor about 8 times: Please stop saying El Champione.

Me: Uh, Krista? I can't decide if that person in front of us is a masculine woman or a feminine guy.
Krista: (staring silently) FG.
Me: I think you're right.

Driving through a small town:
Krista: I wonder what people do in Bruce.
Me: Bruce-type things.

Wilco may be cancelled, but I'm heading up to visit Kristen tomorrow anyway. I have a baby-shower present to buy, Barnes & Noble to drool over, Duluth Public Library and the UM-Duluth library to visit for the first time ever, and a couple of movies to watch. Ever hear of The Simpsons and Stardust?

Also, don't tell anyone this, but I haven't heard from a certain boy in a long time, so I got snoopy and looked up his name on the open criminal records. Ay yi yi! I think a warrant has been issued for his arrest!

My life in snippets

**This is my second week at my new workplace. I'm really enjoying it a lot, although I wish it were full time. I'm very happy to be using my degree again, though. And everyone has been really, really nice so far.

**Having three part-time jobs is highly stressful, chaotic, and demanding. Trying to maintain the number of hours I'd previously been working at the two libraries means that I have to rearrange my schedule even more. And since I will eventually be taking on more hours at the new job, this means my schedule is subject to change again. Ai yi yi.

**I stopped in at the newspaper where I used to work for the first time since I'd left there 2 years ago. They had undergone some pretty major renovations, so it was really strange to walk in and see such a big change. I talked to several former co-workers, though, and they all seemed happy to see me. But I've found that the place seems to have had bad luck in the front office staffing. After I left, F took my position. Then they hired M to help out F, when I had been doing the work of 2 people and had been told they wouldn't hire an additional person to help. Then F was fired, and T took her spot. Then MK, who had been my evil supervisor, quit. T took over MK's job, and D was hired to fill T's spot. Apparently they have now fired M, the part-time helper, and hired someone new for that position. I refuse to believe that my leaving that newspaper had been because of something I did wrong. And the fact that they've now gone through so many people in such a short amount of time just solidifies my belief.

**I visited Sharon last night and invited her out for dinner. She was the only person on my reference list that my new employer called, so I wanted to thank her for all the kind and enthusiastic words she'd spoken on my behalf. We went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner, then back to her house, where I snooped around her bookshelves. I actually spotted one that was my book! haha So I now have my copy of The Ghost Writer back on my own shelves. :)

**Over the weekend I watched all five hours of the BBC's Pride and Prejudice. I had just finished a fun and quirky book called Austenland the night before, so I needed another Austen fix. This is also a good article I found online today.

**Jersey gets to start a HeadStart program next month! Amanda met a representative of the school to go over particulars and such the other day. The woman revealed that after Jersey had visited the school (in May? June?), all the teachers had argued over who got to have her in their classroom! haha

**On Saturday, my dear friend Krista and her father will be coming up to my neck of the woods to cheer on Krista's brother, Justin, as he competes in a tractor-pull contest. So, for the first time ever, I'll be attending a tractor pull. Hmmm. Anyway, I'm very excited to hang out with Krista! I'm really hoping to get an opportunity to shut the lights off on her when she's in the bathroom!

**On Aug. 14, which is a Tuesday, I'll be driving up to Duluth, Minn., where Kristen and I will be attending our second Wilco concert! Woohoo! Jealous?

**Then that Friday, Kristen will be driving down to my house because on Saturday, we'll be heading over to Jolene's baby shower! Which reminds me, I need to do some more shopping. ;)

**And, as you may have noticed on Kristen's blog, she got us tickets to see Last Comic Standing when it comes to Minnesota in October! I hope Doug Benson will still be one of the contestants at that point. He make-a me laugh!

**Finally, I really, really, really, really hate when a song that I love starts being played on pop radio. I mean, sure thousands/millions of people have probably heard the song if they bought the artist's album, but if it's not on the radio, I can pretend I'm the only one who knows about it. So now, a song that has personal meaning and slices my heart open every time I hear it, is about to be shared with annoying girls the world over. I'll soon be numb.

"You'd think you'd never heard the Shpanthem before, Dude."

Go check out Arj and Poopy.

This one is my favorite.

Heartbreak in Minneapolis

A 40-year-old bridge collapsed into the Mississippi River in Minneapolis, Minn., during Wednesday evening rush hour.



What's being called the worst U.S. bridge collapse in more than 20 years has left us with four confirmed fatalities, a number that is sure to rise.



More than 50 vehicles fell 65 feet into the river or onto the debris on Interstate 35W. Some vehicles are still trapped beneath the concrete.



Hospital officials said that 79 people were injured. Around 30 more have been reported as missing. Search and rescue has become recovery.



Our hearts and prayers are with you, Minneapolis.

Because SHUT UP, that's why!

Above quote from a button that Krista just sent me. Have been terribly tempted to wear it to work.

The July heat must be making all of us cranky, as I've noted several blogs with annoyed letters posts. And since when am I not cranky? Therefore, I will join the masses with another edition of letters.

Dear boys age 11-22,
Cut your freaking hair. This isn't the 1970s.









Or are you trying to look like Kristy McNichol?





You look like a 14-year-old girl. Knock it off.
Love,
April

Dear Idiot Driver near the Kwik Trip at 8:30 this morning,
Quit being a douche. You can wait the 5 seconds for the car in front of me to turn left. You don't need to rush past me in a parking lane and then cut me off when I begin to drive. And don't give me that startled "Why's she honking at me?" look, dorkbreath. Learn the rules of the road, or I'll teach you the rules of my fist.
Love,
April

Dear Library Patrons,
Stop. Asking. Me. Stupid. Questions. Why are you bothering to get on a computer if you don't know how to use it? Why must I show you how to access the Internet? Why must I then show you how to find and/or use basic search engines, such as Yahoo! or Google? And no, I don't need to know your life history or what you need to make copies for. I don't care if you want to make 20 copies of the lyrics to "Endless Love." Just stop being stupid.
Love,
April

Dear Homer,
Save a seat and a doughnut for me.
Love,
April

Childhood and all its glory

Jersey tripped and smacked her head against the corner of a wall yesterday afternoon. We had to take her to the emergency room, where she received two stitches. However, she was amazingly wonderful during the entire process. Obviously, she was upset and crying for awhile after she first hit her head. But I got her calmed down, and the entire hospital visit was remarkably pleasant. Jersey was fantastic.

Today, though, she was a little rowdy. Her head didn't hurt, but her moods swung from pouty...

to angry and crazed (I threatened to eat her chicken strips if she didn't settle down and stop hitting people)...

to contemplative (She ate all her chicken strips, resulting in a full little tummy)...

to just plain giggly again. That girl wears me out.

Picture Time! Break it down!

"He's faster than Severus Snape running from shampoo!"

I didn't get to attend any awesome Potter parties last night, so I did the next best thing. I accompanied my boss Mary, her daughter and daughter's friend to the late showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Yes, I've seen it already, but it was a night of magical Potter goodness!


There was one guy two rows ahead of us with a Still-Living-In-Mom's-Basement-And-Never-Kissed-A-Girl-type beard. He laughed a lot at weird parts, with a braying hee-haw type of laughter that sent the rest of the audience into muffled giggles and snorts.


After the movie, we continued our Potter-mania by driving to Wal-Mart to wait mere moments for when the final book, Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows, became available. (Look, I know Wal-Mart is evil. If there was a regular bookstore closer than an hour away, I would have gone there instead.) The line began at Layaway and extended past Electronics, One-Hour Photo, Fabrics and Crafts. My job was to make everyone laugh while we waited. Though I was specifically talking to Mary, a girl right in front of me kept turning around and laughing. It was late; I don't recall all of my jokester ways. Though I do recall loudly proclaiming, "All right, now everyone get ready to kick anyone who walks by and reveals the ending!" They all laugh. Then, pretending an ending-spoiler had fallen to the ground, I go, "Oops, you tripped." Girl in front of me was cracking up. Really. It was funny. Trust me.


Anyway, we got to the head of the line rather quickly since they were prepared for the crowd. I was handed a book and 3 colored bracelets: green for Slytherin, blue for Ravenclaw, and yellow for Hufflepuff. They'd run out of the Gryffindor. :( There was also juice and a Harry Potter cake, but since it was after midnight and I needed to get up early for work, I passed on those.


The worst part, then, was waiting in line to pay. While they had moved us along so efficiently back in layaway, they only had 2 checkout lanes open. And since I'd stopped to talk to someone I knew, I was separated from Mary and consequently had to wait in line behind two particular library patrons who are very annoying. It took probably 5 minutes total to wait in line to get a book, and another 30 or so just to pay for it. I did get to talk to one cute guy, though. He walked up to me and goes, "They ran out of copies??" Me: Huh? He points at my book. "Is it true that they ran out of copies?" Me: I have no idea. (I'm at the top of my conversational game when talking to cute guys, as you can clearly see.) "Well, where did you get the book?" Me: Back in Layaway. Then he walked away. Top of my game, people. Top of my game. Anyway, there were like 50 people in line, and he came up to me in a panic. Not the annoying patrons in front of me. Not the loud woman behind me. Not the geek playing golf on his cell phone. ME. Take that, Wal-Mart customers!







I was extremely tired by the time I got home, HP in my hot little hands. Cripes, I must still be delirious from lack of sleep to post this fromping ugly picture. I look drunk.





The colors of Hogwarts, minus Gryffindor. I always imagined I'd be a Gryffindor myself, if I were a magic-learning student, but Mary reminded me that Hufflepuff's animal is the badger, and I do live in the Badger State.

Now, I am not the type of girl who likes to ruin surprises, so you won't find any spoilers here. But since I work in a public library, where we just happened to receive our copies in advance in order to process, I did get a head start on reading the book. In fact, I only have about 30 pages left. And this book is an emotional rollercoaster, for sure. I was right and wrong about some of my guesses/theories. But make sure to have tissues at the ready for this reading. Gather all your snacks and drinks, banish everyone else from your house, and treat yourself to one final adventure with Harry Potter.

April vs. The Devil, Round Two

Okay, so I promised an update about my confrontation with The Devil. Don't get too excited; there were no tears or cursing. But I did receive a pathetic apology. Here's how it went.

On July 5th while at work, I noticed that The Devil had pulled up to the library. I made the decision to meet her outside and ask to speak with her privately. Before I could say anything else, she began telling me how sorry she was for the things she had said the week before. I thought maybe someone had given her a heads-up about my reaction, so I simply crossed my arms and said, "Well what makes you decide to apologize now?" She claimed that she couldn't stop thinking about it and regretting it. I asked, "How could you even say the things you said to me? How could you say them to anyone?"

She replied, "Well, I thought you were pregnant."

Nice, right? I told her that a simple mistake like that was forgiveable, but the fact that she touched my stomach was not. Nor was it okay to make comments that I'd better watch myself, etc. She agreed, saying that after she realized that I wasn't pregnant, she tried to change the subject but just kept making the situation worse.


Anyway, then she kept on going about how she wishes I were pregnant, because I should be able to experience something so beautiful. Blah, blah, blah. I kept my eye-rolling to a minimum, but I did snort a few times. I told her that it had been unacceptable to say those things to me. She just kept going on and on about motherhood, somehow working in some crap about how I was so beautiful and could be a model. I just wanted to say, "Hey, lady, don't blow smoke up my ass. Just say you're sorry for being an idiot, and we can move on."

After all was said and done, we went into the library, where she returned a movie.





Uh-huh. The Devil tapped her fingernail on the cover of the dvd and said, "Girrrl, you need to watch this movie."

I sighed.

She leaned back and nodded her head. "It's got a you-and-me moment."

I almost said, "Oh, a moment where some skinny bitch makes a fat girl feel like a piece of shit?" Instead I made a noncommital noise as I checked in the movie.

The Turtle Trot!

I entered another race, this time just a lovely 2-mile walk. My boss Carol walked with me on this mostly flat route. The sky was overcast with spots of sunshine, and there was a wonderful breeze to cool us down. This was what the route looked like about 30-45 seconds after the race started.



A picturesque walk through the countryside.



Quite beautiful, really, when the clouds would finally part for a moment or two.

That row of trees in the background framed a cemetery.

Horsies!

This is what the front of my participant T-shirt looks like. Carol called them gangster turtles. Did I even mention the race was called the Turtle Trot?

I plan to annoy everyone by starting a T-shirt trophy collection. Know of any animal-themed races? ;)

I'll treat you right!

Life has been a little crazy and hectic around here lately, so I haven't been able to post. I really don't have the time right now, but I plan on posting soon. Please stay tuned for a full report on Kristen's visit, my confrontation with The Devil, a new job opportunity, and a late night visit from my bitch-tastic sister-in-law.

For now, please enjoy this recipe for the best summer treat you could possibly find. I didn't think to take a picture until I got to the last piece. But, oh, so delicious!

Chocolate-Berry Cream Pies

* 1/2 gallon chocolate ice cream, softened

* 1 can (11-1/2 ounces) frozen cranberry-raspberry juice concentrate, thawed

* 1 carton (16 ounces) frozen whipped topping, thawed, divided

* 3 chocolate crumb crusts (9 inches)

* 1 can (21 ounces) raspberry pie filling

In a large mixing bowl, combine ice cream and juice concentrate. Fold in 4 cups whipped topping. Spoon into crusts. Cover and freeze for 4 hours or until firm.

Remove pies from the freezer 15 minutes before serving. Garnish with pie filling and remaining whipped topping.

Yield: 3 pies (8 servings each).