This and that

I've been a slacker when it comes to blogging. But there are so many other venues for informing friends what's going on in my life that I just get lazy when it comes to my blog. I try to be creative on Twitter, on MySpace, on Facebook, in my writing group. Leaves me too tired for anything else.

So, what's new?

Jersey, 4-1/2, and Aaliyah, 2-1/2, are both getting baptized tomorrow morning into our Lutheran church. Which reminds me, I need to buy some white tights. Uh, for the girls, not for me. My legs already look like white tights.

We're having a small lunch afterward at my grandparents' house. I will be making my magically delicious crab salad. It's Mmm, Mmm good. I know, I'm mixing my food slogans, but I'm really okay with that.

Went to Rachel's (work Rachel) house last night for some Guitar Hero. Her dog is psycho, btw. Then we watched The Dark Knight. It was my first time watching it since opening night in the theaters, so I was anxious to see if it was as good as I remembered. It was better. There are very few times when "villains" actually do their job in scaring me, and even though I'd seen the movie before, Heath Ledger still creeped the bejeezus out of me. The Dark Knight kicks The Watchmen's ass down the road and back again.

And I may start taking a closer look at moving on. From this town, I mean, not the world. haha. *fingers crossed* My grandmother's Alzheimer's is progressing steadily worse. If--when--she goes to a nursing home, I'll need to find somewhere else to live. I'm pretty sure I'll head north, back to Superior. I miss it up there.

I wish I knew how to post videos from my phone to the blog. Ya'll are missing out on some cute Jersey & Aaliyah moments. Especially Jerz's "old chap!" clips. HUHlarious!

Tonight I'm meeting my Facebook Book It! group for the first time in Eau Claire! I know most of the people already, but I'll make some new acquaintances. Plus, hello? There will be pizza, and it will be goooood.

Two cents

So, I guess the blog world is in a tizzy because someone stole posts from other blogs and passed it off as their own. (too lazy to linky link) It's lame, obviously, but it's not the end of the world, people. So this person is completely unoriginal and claimed the posts as her own. Big whoop. From the ones I read, the posts she copied were filled with general observations about spring and all it brings to mind.

I'm not making excuses for her. I don't even know who she is. But you know who I really feel sorry for? Not the people whose blogs were emulated, but for all the readers of Chicky's blog. They invested time and perhaps even an emotional attachment to whoever was writing. Come on, I can't be the only one who was pissed off when that Cordy's Helpless Romance or whatever the hell it was called turned out to be a steaming pile of bullcrap. When that so-called author sought comments and emails, posing as a young girl in emotional distress, that was a shitty thing to do. In comparison, shoplifting some thoughts on spring? Not so bad.

My funniness gets hijacked all the time! If I got angry every time it happened, I'd be on perma-simmer. I once had a girl who was dating the guy I liked (he was one of my best friends, so we had *everything* in common) start copying everything I did. I'd hear her use the same one-liners or jokes I'd said earlier, making it sound like she'd come up with it. She suddenly became a literature expert (until I tested her knowledge and found it severely lacking). People, she even freaking permed her hair!

And I swear to God Kristen and I came up with Beardface (pronounced Bay-ard-fah-say) long before Scrubs did.

Is it okay, then, for people to take credit whether credit certainly isn't due? No, not at all. But from what I've been able to see, the actual authors of the blogs that were getting ripped off are quite genial about it. Laughing, even. It's some others in the blog world who appear to be fanning the flames of self-righteousness. So before anyone decides to continue the finger-pointing, how about asking yourself when you last quoted a movie or TV show and didn't immediately follow it up with a disclaimer. Open blogs are in the public domain just as much as films and television.

Let's just hope this stealer-of-posts has learned her lesson, not to mention anyone else who may have been tempted to blog-lift. And if not, you know what they say: Imitation is the highest form of admiration.

Cuckoo-Cuckoo!

I swear by everything that's holy, I'm surrounded by idiots like this every day of my life. (from my new favorite Web site, notalwaysright.com)

Surprisingly, This One Knows How To Read
Library USA

Library Patron: “Do you guys have books?”

Me: (I turn and give a side glance to the shelves of books on my right) “Nope. It’s all online.”

***

Accidental Lemonade From Lemons
Public Library Amsterdam, The Netherlands

Me: “Hi, can I help with anything?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a good book.”

Me: “Do you have any specific genre or subject in mind?”

Customer: “Yes, a good one… one that I’ll like.”

Me: “Um, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. I don’t really know what you like. Science fiction, thriller, fantasy, horror, that sort of thing?”

Customer: “Well, don’t you know any good books?”

Me: “I haven’t actually read them all, but–”

Customer: “You haven’t? What kind of librarian are you? Isn’t there anyone here who can help me?”

Me: “This one–” *holding up a book* “–is pretty popular at the mo–”

Customer: “How do you know I’ll like it?! You can’t know that. I want a book that I’ll like.”

(I get frustrated and just grab a random book that was recently turned in.)

Me: “Here, you’ll love this one!”

(Unfortunately, she did like it, and told my boss to thank me for my great suggestion. Darn.)

***

Don't forget I've blogged about my fair share of the wackos.

2009, an update

I'm sick of winter. Bring on spring already! There are rumors that next week will bring temp highs in the 40s. And in Wisconsin, that means shorts and tank tops. I mean, not me; I'd sweat to death before putting on shorts.

I joined a Facebook group that's reviving Book It! Remember when you were a kid and schools had Book It! challenges where you would read a certain number of books and earn a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut? Well, I think I enjoyed it a bit too much since my two favorite things are reading and eating, especially at the same time. *sigh* But I digress. I joined this group on Facebook, and we're gonna get together at a Pizza Hut next month. Fun!!

Kristen and I are going to see M. Ward in the Twin Cities in April, and then Neko Case the next day. I'm sure we'll hit the Mall of America, too. Will be a freaking awesome time! Maybe she'll knock some hotel sliding doors off their track again. One can only hope.

And in June I am packing my bags for a trip to Salt Lake City. It's part of our blogger exchange program. Last May, Towr came out here to visit, so now it's my turn. I'm hoping that Kristen will be able to come, too. And, fingers crossed, I'm hoping to finally meet RC and Azucar, as well. (Surprise, Zuc! Plenty of time to come up with an excuse not to meet me, though! haha)

2009 is looking pretty good so far.

I am the All-Knowing One. Sometimes.

Do I know myself or what?

Last month I prophesied that on Valentine's Day I'd probably be watching the movie "He's Just Not That Into You."

Well, can't say I didn't warn myself. I'm going after work with my aunt. (Sidenote: I keep wanting to say "Oh my giddy aunt!" for some reason. Wonder what that's all about.)

I don't have any other V-Day plans, being single and all. Though I did mail out Valentines and mix CDs to my Lib+ ladies this morning. Yeah, you'll get them after the holiday, but big whoop. Better than nothing, right? Big, fat, lonely nothing. *sigh*

I guess I should've known Feb. 14th would be a let-down. My Valentine's Days peaked here, and nothing will ever live up to it. Well, I'm gonna go daydream about John Mayer now, and don't you dare interrupt with talk of his current girlfriend. Hmph.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm so money ...

I have a guest blogger at my book blog, New Dork Times. Her name is Kelly Simmons, author of the book Standing Still, which I adored and reviewed here last April.

Please check out the post and make sure to leave a comment because Kelly will be giving away an autographed copy of her book!

Can you tell the difference ...

... between Amy Adams and Isla Fisher?



Neither can I. I'm pretty sure they're the same person.

WTF?

Why am I suddenly having dreams about getting it on with aging celebrities? This time I got busy with Patrick Swayze (circa 1989, Road House).

At least it wasn't the sickly Swayze (God bless him, I wish him the best of health! I just don't want to hit that.)

******************************************

I was helping my boss go through boxes of donated books the other day. She held up this book:

Boss: The Welshman's Way, huh? I wonder what is the Welshman's way?

Me: The usual. Tender brute force.

Also ...

... I dreamed that I got it on with Alec Baldwin last night. So, yeah. That doesn't help my mood. *shudders*

I should make this blog private ...

... because all I wanna do is bitch about a co-worker I can't freaking stand. Pretentious! Arrogant! Lazy! Loud! Braggadocio!

Oh, the vileness creeping up inside me.

Fourth annual book list

I slowed down in 2008. And even some of the books I did get around to reading were ones I'd read before. Getting ready for the next in the series, etc. Oh, well. For better or worse, here it is (bold titles are those I highly recommend):

1) The Invention of Hugo Cabret, by Brian Seltzer
2) Many Bloody Returns, edited by Charlaine Harris
3) 20th Century Ghosts, by Joe Hill
4) Heartsick, by Chelsea Cain
5) Heartstopper, by Joy Fielding
6) Atonement, by Ian McEwan
7) Falling Boy, by Alison McGhee
8) Airman, by Eoin Colfer
9) Demons are a Girl's Best Friend, by Victoria Laurie
10) The Next Thing on my List, by Jill Smolinski
11) The Dead Room, by Heather Graham
12) Looking for Salvation at the Dairy Queen, by Susan Gregg Gilmore
13) Standing Still, by Kelly Simmons
14) The Society of S, by Susan Hubbard
15) Flip-Flopped, by Jill Smolinski
16) Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer (ever hear of it?)
17) The Year of Disappearances, by Susan Hubbard
18) From Dead to Worse, by Charlaine Harris
19) Vampire Academy, by Richelle Mead
20) Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella
21) The Host, by Stephenie Meyer
22) Unzipped, by Lisa Greiman
23) New Moon, by Stephenie Meyer
24) Unplugged, by Lois Greiman
25) Unscrewed, by Lois Greiman
26) Certain Girls, by Jennifer Weiner
27) The Third Angel, by Alice Hoffman
28) Crave, by Cathy Yardley
29) The Girl Who Stopped Swimming, by Joshilyn Jackson
30) Eclipse, by Stephenie Meyer
31) Breaking Dawn, by Stephenie Meyer
32) Unmanned, by Lois Greiman
33) The Likeness, by Tana French
34) Undead and Unworthy, by MaryJanice Davidson
35) At a Crossroads: Between a Rock and My Parents' House, by Kate Williamson
36) Domestic Affairs, by Eileen Goudge
37) I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson
38) Sweetheart, by Chelsea Cain
39) The Graveyard Book, by Neil Gaiman
40) The Killing Circle, by Andrew Pyper
41) The Chris Farley Show, by Tom Farley Jr.
42) Serena, by Ron Rash
43) Schooled, by Anisha Lakhani

There were several others I started in 2008 and either couldn't get through or just have had to put them aside to get library books read. Such as:
1) Lonely Werewolf Girl, by Martin Miller (still reading)
2) Wicked: Witch & Curse, by Nancy Holder (horrible, donated to library)
3) North of the Port, by Anthony Bukoski
4) Reading in the Dark, by Seamus Deane (excellent writing)

Books collecting dust that I WILL get to:
1) Finer Things, by Neil Gaiman
2) Angelika, by Arthur Phillips
3) The Monsters of Templeton, by Lauren Groff
4) The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova
5) Soon I will be Invincible, by Austin Grossman
6) Vampire Zero, by David Wellington
7) More Book Lust, by Nancy Pearl

And the newest to my collection given as gifts that I will soon get to:
1) A Whisper of Blood, edited by Ellen Datlow
2) Un Lun Dun, by China Mieville
3) Pippi Longstocking, by Astrid Lindgren (though technically I read it like 10 times when I was a kid, I still want to read it again)
4) City of Bones, Book One, by Cassandra Clare
5) City of Ashes, Book Two, by Cassandra Clare

I just wanna use your love tonight...

BTW, Kristen and I saw Bon Iver on Dec. 22 in Eau Claire. My second time seeing him this year, her third. We weren't allowed to take pictures, unfortunately. In fact, we saw someone get their camera taken away at one point. Lame!

Anyway, here's a video someone posted from a previous concert. MF HAWT cover of The Outfield's "Your Love." Gets cut off at the end, but it'll just force you to seek out the rest of his songs on YouTube, so I'm okay with it.

Christmas 2008

We celebrated our Christmas on Saturday. Here the girls pose with me before bolting off to dig under the tree.

Aaliyah was the biggest culprit. She couldn't keep her sticky fingers off the presents.

She soon got to open the first present: a Christmas moose from her great-grandma.

Then Jersey followed suit with her own gift from great-grandma, a teddy bear.

I got the girls each the softest little lamb from Bath & Body Works. I wanted to keep them for myself.

Jersey got a guitar and dropped all other clothes, dolls, and kitchen-set goodies to rock out.

Gram also got them this adorable pop-up tent with Dora the Explorer and Boots on the side.

But I think this was their favorite: a Barbie house with furniture, two Corvettes, a hot-pink bicycle, and a pink sparkly Barbie scooter.



In case you're wondering what goodies I received:

"Do I listen to pop music because I'm miserable or am I miserable because I listen to pop music?" ~John Cusack

While rummaging around in my closet today, looking for any Christmas presents I may have hidden away that still need to be wrapped, I found a great treasure: a shoebox filled with my old cassette tapes. Strap on your seatbelts, kids. It's time to take a ride through April's Musical Journey! Wheeee!!!

1) New Kids on the Block ~ Merry Merry Christmas. (As if you doubted I'd have that one.)

2) Garth Brooks ~ The Hits. (Yes, I used to listen to country. Quite a bit, I'm afraid. Don't worry; there's more.)

3) Christian mix tape ~ Titled "Lirpa's Mix," this tape held such hits as "Breakfast," by Newsboys (sample lyric: "When the toast has burned and all the milk has churned and Captain Crunch is waving farewell, when the big one finds you may this song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in hell." Awesome, right?) and "His Cheeseburger," by Veggietales, which I used to annoy the crap out of Krista by singing constantly.

4) 12-year-old April's mix tape ~ Featured gooey '90s sweetness, like Belinda Carlisle's "Summer Rain," Eric Carmen's "Make Me Lose Control," and Better Midler's "From a Distance."

5) Pearl Jam ~ Ten. I was in love with "Jeremy."

6) Aerosmith ~ Greatest Hits. I think they've had like eight different "greatest hits" compilations, though.

7) 19 Hot Country Requests, Vol. III. I really think this was my mom's.

8) We Welcome You ~ Praise and Worship Music Sampler. I got this as a freebie when I was a fundraiser for a Christian group in college. Never listened to it.

9) Culture Club ~ Colour by Numbers. Not an original; my mom copied it from someplace else. Then I stole it from her. :)

10) Celine Dion ~ "All by Myself" single. On the flip side "Because You Loved Me," theme song from the movie "Up Close & Personal." hahaha!

11) Sarah McLachlan ~ "Adia" single, also featured "Angel" and "I Will Remember You."

12) New Kids on the Block ~ Hangin' Tough. 17 years later, I finally made it to a concert.

13) Christian mix ~ Jars of Clay. I think I got this from my college freshman roomie. If I remember correctly, the other side has Matchbox 20 songs! ha!

14) The Best of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band ~ 20 Years of Dirt. In my defense, as a little girl I loved the songs "Mr. Bojangles" and "Dance Little Jean." That's a defense, right?

15) The Best of '60s Sock Hop. I used to be obsessed with oldies. This tape had two of my fave songs, "I'm a Believer," by the Monkees, and "Runaway," by Del Shannon.

16) Love song mix from my ex ~ Puke. They're all country, plus one song by Britney Spears.

17) Laughing Hyena ~ Jeff Foxworthy. Ugh. Yes, it's one of those "You Might be a Redneck if ..." tapes. My stepdad gave it to me when I was like 15. You're right, judgmental reader. There IS no excuse for having this tape.

18) Deana Carter ~ Did I Shave My Legs For This? Obviously country. But I loved the song "Strawberry Wine." I really wanted to be that high school girl who lost her virginity to the college boy. It was the Harlequin in me, I suppose.

19) Celine Dion ~ Self-titled album.

20) Mix from Cara in high school ~ Featured "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now," by Starship, "I Want to Know What Love Is," by Foreigner, and "Let's Hear It For The Boy," by Deniece Williams.

21) Hootie & the Blowfish ~ Cracked Rear View. I'm pretty sure I got it at a garage sale. Best find ever?

22) Boyz II Men ~ Cooleyhighharmony. I wore that bad boy OUT!

23) Jeff Carson ~ Country, of course. My mom got it for me because we like the song "The Car." It made her sad cuz I was going off to college.

24) "Cocktail" soundtrack ~ Who didn't own this one?

25) Tim McGraw ~ Not A Moment Too Soon. Fine. I admit it. I used to have a crush on him. Happy now, jerks?

26) Whitney Houston ~ "I Will Always Love You" single. Loved it. Loved "The Bodyguard." Loved her. Loved Costner. Loved it.

27) "The Sound of Music" soundtrack ~ Meow, Captain Von Trapp.

28) Meredith Brooks ~ "Bitch" single. I could swear and not get in trouble! It was awesome!

29) Bon Jovi ~ Keep the Faith. Only song I liked was "Bed of Roses."

30) Shai ~ If I Ever Fall In Love. Loved that song and its follow-up "Baby I'm Yours."

31) Ritchie Valens ~ I don't know why. I blame the movie "La Bamba."

32) Whitney Houston ~ I'm Your Baby Tonight. Great album. I love me some Whitney.

33) Mariah Carey ~ Self-titled album. Dudes, I totes sang along with this tape every night! My stepdad continually yelled up the stairs for me to shut up. But nothing could hold back my tear-filled rendition of "I Don't Wanna Cry."

34) Soho ~ "Hippychick" single. I have no idea why I got this tape, or how I'd ever even knew the song.

35) 20 Greatest Hits 1961 ~ Only song I even know on there is "Duke of Earl."

36) "Boomerang soundtrack " ~ I have a perfectly logical explanation for this, so put down your pitchforks and torches. I wanted the Boyz II Men album with the song "End of the Road" for Christmas. So my grandma went to Sam Goody (now out of business) and asked exactly for the tape with that song. And they give her this soundtrack, which does have the song, but it wasn't what I wanted. What would you have me do? Spit in my dear Gram's face? I think not!

37) John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band ~ "Eddie and the Cruisers" soundtrack. Shut up.

38) John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band ~ "Eddie and the Cruisers II" soundtrack. Shut up!

39) Toby Keith ~ Ay yi yi. I'm ever so regretful. I really liked the song "Should've Been a Cowboy."

40) "Les Miserables" soundtrack ~ Saw the show in high school. My stepdad bought me this tape in Eau Claire. Then on the way home, he fell asleep at the wheel and almost killed us. Ah, memories.

41) New Kids on the Block ~ Merry Merry Christmas. Duplicate from Kristen.

42) Mix from Jolene ~ Features "In the Ghetto" (I forget who sang that version) and "At Last," by Etta James.

43) College graduation mix from Jolene ~ Featured "April Come She Will," by Simon and Garfunkel, and "Alone," by Heart.

Now, return the favor and name some of your more embarrassing musical memories. I know you have some!

Bedtime Stories

Last weekend, Jersey slept with Gram (my mom) while her mother was partying with me and my friends. She was scared of the deer antlers on the wall, so to keep her mind off it, she and Gram made up bedtime stories.

Jersey: Once upon a time, there was a little brown dog named Brauny. And he was a pissin-on-the-floor, poopy shitster. He made poop piles everywhere with poop cherries on top. Your turn to tell a story, Gram.

Gram: Okay. Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named April. And all the boys wanted to be her boyfriend.*

Jersey: And she had a very, very, very, very, very beautiful dress. And she was gonna go to the ball!

Gram: When she got to the ball, all the boys wanted to dance with her.**

Jersey: (gets ornery look, narrows eyes) But she couldn't dance with anyone. She couldn't even hug 'em cuz ... (evil look on her face) ... cuz her arms were too short!

*Obviously a fairy tale.
**Obviously.

Reason #4,381 I don't have a boyfriend

A few weeks ago when either Kristen was coming to visit me or I was going to visit her, I wrote in the email "See ya son!" I meant "See ya soon," but it spawned a phase where we've begun referring to each other as father/son.

Here's a conversation via Gmail chat from today. I was commenting on K-Lo's Gmail status, where she'd written "happy birfday april!"

Me: Awww, thanks for changing your gmail status just for me!

Kristen: Any time, son. Any time.

Me: You're a good dad. I don't care what anyone else says.

Kristen: I try my best, son. You know I couldn't always make it to your basketball/hockey/tennis games, but I was there in spirit.

Me: You were indeed. And the times you were there, well, you were drunk and obnoxious, sometimes even cheering for the opposite team. But I knew you meant well.

Kristen: I get confused sometimes, son. The crack doesn't help either.

Me: I told you to buy a belt.

Kristen: But you know I'd only whip you with it. That's why I only wear suspenders.

Me: True. You're always thinking ahead, Pop.

"I'm not together, but I'm getting there."

Life goes by fast. Ten years ago I was a sophomore in college. I was majoring in English literature, with no real plans for a career other than triumphantly exclaiming "I want to be a writer!"

I spent my spare time reading. I avoided homework. I had a mad crush on a boy I'd nicknamed Hot Boomer.

Fast forward to 2008.

I still want to be a writer, and though I do belong to a writers group, I avoid doing the work for as long as possible. I spend all my spare time reading (with the occasional Guitar Hero). And this summer I bumped into Hot Boomer (still hot), resulting in a renewed crush.

I guess that old adage is true: The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Click, Click, Click

This is going to be a lovely post about my adventure to the Twin Cities. I'll take you on a pictorial tour of St. Paul. Here we have the beautiful state library.

Wait. What's this? My sister and I at a concert? Hmm. What concert could it be?



Oh, that's right. NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!



Face time with Donnie Wahlberg.

Showing us they still have the right stuff.

For you closet Joey Mac fans.

Look! It's my boyfriend Jon Knight with his brother Jordan!

Jon and Joe. So close, yet so far away.

They surprised the crowd by popping up in the middle of the audience with a piano on a turning stage. It was hawt. I also have video, but I haven't listened to it to see if you could actually hear them and not just screaming fans (i.e. me).

Official concert verdict? Awesome.

So, I guess there was no tour of the Cities. Sorry. We did eat at a pricey restaurant with substandard fare, though. And it was totes awesome to see two college friends again, Jessica and Carolyn. I'd post their pic, but I didn't ask for their permission. I'm sensitive like that.

Opening act was some chick I'd never heard before. Teri Chynn or something. Up next was Natasha Bedingfield, who was pretty good. And NKOTB rocked the house, yo. It was the longest concert I've ever been to, and they were high-energy the entire time. And really funny, actually! The only bad thing was that the couple to my left were the biggest sticks in the mud ever. They never cheered, never sang along, never threw their hands in the air and waved them like they just didn't care. They sat through the first half, the girl lounging on her boyfriend's shoulder. Second half, they stood hugging and staring blankly. WTF? Don't go to a concert if you're going to act like that, lamies!

Carolyn and Jess had cheap seats, so they were on the other side of the Xcel Center. Amanda and I had awesome seats! Despite what it may look like by my crappy camera, we were actually quite close. Close enough to see facial expressions without looking at the giant screens.

If you have the opportunity to see NKOTB, but you're holding off because you're afraid they'll only play their new songs or that it just won't live up to your previous, 11-year-old expectations, fear not! They were so good! My sister and I knew almost every song, and Carolyn and Jess, who didn't know any of their new songs, had a great time. Carolyn, who is the last person you'd think of going to one of their concerts, kept repeating how awesome it was and that she was surprised at what a good time she had. So get off your butts and grab some tickets!

"I swear I've seen a lot of things in my life, but that... was... awesome! But sorry about your car, man. That... that sucks."

So last night Carol and I went to see Tom Farley, brother of the late Chris Farley, speak about his book "The Chris Farley Show." He was funny, as one might guess. After mocking one teen boy about his improv performance, he said, "As far as you know, I'm joking." ha! I laughed a lot at that.

Afterward I got my program autographed. His pen hovered above the paper as he contemplated what to write. I told him, "'You're awesome' will do just fine." Cuz I'm cheeky like that. Instead, he wrote, "To April: HOLY SCHNIKIES! -Tom Farley." It was perfect because Krista and I used to quote Tommy Boy all. the. time. in college. I bought a copy of the book as a Christmas present for Krista, but I won't tell you what he wrote inside since I have to let her have some surprise when she opens the present. It's perfect, though. And in the copy Carol got for the library, he wrote, "No library fines on this book! Just donate heavily to your public library."

Also, when Tom saw my "Living in a van down by the river" T-shirt, which I even forgot I was wearing because I was all excited to meet him, he just grinned. "Great shirt!" he said. "Love it! Great, great shirt!"

Then I passed on a story to him about a girl I knew from college who had met Chris when he frequently came back to the high school (where she went as well) guidance office to talk, and how he tried flirting with her but she didn't know who he was. Tom nodded his head. "Yup, that was Chris. That's where he was comfortable, where his roots were. That sounds exactly like Chris."

I walked away smiling, but it was sad, too. Chris Farley was my idol. In college, Krista and I were the dorky girls (sorry, CK, but it's true) whose idea of fun wasn't partying and drinking, it was watching Tommy Boy and saying each line at the same time it was being said. We were in love with every moment of that movie, and each time we watched it we'd find something new to crack us up. I've heard people say that Chris Farley only did the same character over and over, but it wasn't the characters that we loved. It was him.

"I found a dead cat on the side of the road so I took it home and put some honey on it and I cooked it and I ate it, is that bad? do do do doooo"

Friday night Kristen and I watched some total cheesy/horror movies that she'd Netflix'd. First up was House on Haunted Hill, with Vincent Price. I started the weekend's joke-off by making "Pew! Pew!" sound effects when Vincent Price held a wine bottle like a gun. After Kristen finally finished laughing, she said "April one, Kristen zero." It only got worse from there.

The second movie was It's Alive, about a deformed vampire-esque baby who killed people. Top of the line, my friends. We thought about how hilarious it would be for people trying not to bring up the word "baby" to parents with a monster child. So began three days of coming up with awkward conversation. "Yeah, last night I ate baby back ribs--awwwww!" "My favorite veggie is baby carrots--awwww!" "Sorry about your monster baby--awwwww!" (Dudes, if I had a video blog, you'd be crying with laughter right now.)

Also, when the movie switched to the baby's point of view, it was really blurry, so every time I sang "Double vision." Every. Time.

At Cranberry Fest, an old lady called Kristen Dorothy. And as we were trying to leave, a cop walked up to my car and said "And how can I disappoint you ladies today?" hahaha!

Saturday night at the drive-in, we watched Cave Women on Mars, a recently made, 1950s-style B movie. It was horrible. From the so-called futuristic way they called computers "comp-yuter" to the frequently remarked "What is this [fill in blank] you speak of?" And they had a character named Orla.

Highlights: I got some video on my cell phone of Kristen reading from Jane Eyre in a "British" accent and later meowing an operetta. If only she'd allow me to post it. And when a guy walked by eating Skittles, Kristen said she wanted to taste his rainbow. She got points for that one!

Also, I just have to say that Kristin Wiig on SNL made me laugh so hard in this Lawrence Welk Show skit that I was actually crying.