"Did you just make a Jane Austen reference? It's official. The end of days is upon us."

The final edition of 2006 letters.

Dear Librarian's Revenge,
Thank you all so much for introducing me to a new world of music. I've found some new favorites and revisited some classics. I enjoyed every minute of it.
Love, April

Dear 2006,
So long, you crappy excuse for a year. You gave us nothing but celebrity crotches, more impending wars, and Howie Mandel. Not to mention The Hoff. You hang your head in shame, 2006. You sucked.
Love, April

Dear 2007,
I have high hopes for you. Don't let me down. Or I'll kick your ass.
Love, April

Dear Readers,
What's the matter? Don't I cater to your needs? Don't I stroke your egos enough with my flowery words? Don't I make you snort soda through your nose with all my hilarity? Of course I do. So where's all the comment-love? You'd better get on track, readers. I'm not unlike Tinkerbell...fading without your belief. So if you believe in my funniness, please clap. Clap like you've never clapped before.
Love, April

Dear April,
Stop being a dork. That's your first new year's resolution.
Love, April

**********************
I forgot to mention this tidbit from the other day. When Cara and I were playing Totally 80s, I misheard the question she read. Conversation as follows:
Cara: *reading card* What celebrity said that her only memory of her Live Aid performance was stabbing Mick Jagger with her high heel?
Me: What? Stabby McJagger? Who the hell is that?
Cara: Stabbing. Mick. Jagger.
Me: Oh.
*5 minutes of hysterical laughter later*
Me: Oh, that old Stabby McJagger. Always good for a laugh.

Dear Santa, this year I'd like amnesia.

I was going to list the highlights from my life in 2006, but whaddya know? There weren't many because my life is boring. I did have a good time reading my posts from the last year, though. I cracked myself up a few times. My favorite line that I wrote was, "It was like he filled me with a sense of purpose...to make fun of him." hahaha Good times.

If I had to choose the best moments of 2006, they were Aaliyah's birth and the Wilco and Isaac Hayden concerts. Pretty awesome stuff.

So, how was everyone's holiday break? My family got together at my grandparents' house on Christmas Eve for dinner and gift-giving. We all gathered around the tree for a ginormous family picture. I got to kneel on the floor so all the taller people could stand behind me. My brother was taking the picture, and he was complaining that he couldn't fit us all in the frame. My cousin's wife goes, "Well, put it on Panasonic. You can do that, right?" I said, "You mean panoramic." (Because I have to be right.) And my Uncle Kevin goes, "Yeah, and if that doesn't work, try Sony!" har har Then as Aaron grabbed like the third camera to take a picture, I yelled, "Everyone say 'Vivitar!'" They all laughed and someone behind me shoved me, I assume because I'm a clown.

Cara had given me my Christmas present the day before. The Trivial Pursuit Totally '80s game. Awesome.

So me, Amanda, my Uncle Don, and my cousins Justin and Josh all played. Here's some advice if you are going to play: keep it to 2 players, or the game will never end. Also, beef up on your knowledge of David Letterman because for some reason there was like 30 questions about him. Oh, and when Cara and I had played it the other day, Tyler answered every question with "Um....Nacho Libre?"

Anyway, it's now the official work week, and it's back to the old grind. Luckily, though, I am going to head up to Superior for New Year's Eve. Kristen and I plan to ring in the new year by sipping champagne from plastic cups and making bitter toasts.

Happy Freaking New Year. :)

I've been tagged.

I put this off for a few days, but I'm ready to play. The lovely Chica tagged me the other day. Here's how you play. Grab the nearest book, flip to page 123, and skip down five sentences. Then write on your blog the next three sentences. Don't forget to write the name of the book and author.

Living Dead in Dallas, by Charlaine Harris

She glanced back over her shoulder, and I met her eyes. Hers were frightened. Mine said, "Help."

I'm tagging anyone who wants to participate, and more specifically, Metamorphose, The Other White Rachel, and Krista.

Take this job and shove it.

Well, yesterday was interesting.

Apparently there was some chemical spill or leak in the plating division at the factory where my mom works. Everyone in that area and my mom's area ended up inhaling all these toxic fumes. Ambulances, police, fire trucks, and a HazMat team surrounded the building following an evacuation. Firefighters using some air detector thingy pronounced the building safe to enter, and everyone was sent back to work. Except all those people from the plating division were pretty sick, and so were my mom and another woman, Lynn, who had been working in the area closest to plating.

The five people from plating were rushed to one hospital, and my mom and Lynn were sent to another one. They were forced to take decontamination showers in a cold garage with like 10 people around them. Then had tons of meds shoved down their throats.

I left work to go get Mom at the hospital. Manda and Jersey were with me. We stopped and got Mom a set of clothes because the ones she had been wearing were hosed down. Mom was really shaky from all the medicine. I'm talking shivering uncontrollably. So was Lynn. Her daughter had come to pick her up, too. We both drove back to Chetek and to the factory. Lynn's daughter Liz and I went in to pick up our mothers' belongings. Nobody asked how they were doing.

On our way through the factory, our tour guide, who turned out to be head of Human Resources, stopped to have a chat with some foreman about products. We stood there for like 5 minutes before I interrupted, "Hello?? Sick mothers in the car??" The employees all stared at us as we picked up our moms' things. Only one woman came up and expressed concern about my mom's welfare.

Also, the pharmacy made us wait an hour to pick up the prescription, even though the doctor had faxed in the order before we even left the hospital.

My mom called work later last night to let them know that she was excused from work for Thursday (doctor's orders) and would be back on Friday. The person she spoke to said, "Oh. Is that it?"

What a wonderful place to work, huh?

Mom is feeling better today, but she found out a couple of the women who had been in worse shape yesterday still weren't doing too well. One was running a fever of 102*, and the other was vomiting a lot. I hope the meds work for them.

Oh, one more thing. The factory tried to make it sound like the chemicals inhaled were no big deal, but my mom's doctor told her in no uncertain terms that that was bullshit. He was very upset about how they had tried to minimize the circumstances.

I guess the bottom line is all about protecting themselves instead of their employees.

Christmas ain't about Santa kicking Cup-a-Soup in the croutons.

I am by no means a Justin Timberlake fan. But I have to admit that when he is on SNL, the show is actually funny. And, as I am a Bee Gees fan, it won't surprise you which skits are my favorite. This isn't the skit from last night's episode, but it still makes me laugh.

The Barry Gibb Talk Show

It always feels like somebody's watching me...

It's not just an '80s song.

I have quite a few faithful readers, for which I'm grateful. There are the fellow bloggers who feel comfortable with leaving comments, whether to laugh at what I've written or just to tell me that I'm a dork. (You'd be surprised how often that happens...or would you?)

And there are a few friends and family members who occasionally read this blog, rarely leaving a comment. I don't mind because normally we talk and joke about what I've written.

And then, there are a few others who read my blog and never comment. In fact, I don't even know who they are. Somehow, in some way, they've stumbled upon my blog by chance or, possibly, by searching for something in particular. Then they hang around. Hey, I don't mind. I think it's awesome that Love the Details has become a part of so many lives. I don't take it for granted.

But now I'd like to take the opportunity to invite those silent lurkers to join in. Say hi. Tell me your name, or just tell me how you found me. I'm curious. You already know so much about me. Or if you don't feel comfortable leaving a public comment, send me an email. You can find my email address under my profile.

In any case, thanks for reading.

Conversation with myself at 3:42 a.m.

Me: Man, I shouldn't have had Pepsi before bed.
Voice in my head: Der.
Me: Oh, fuck off.

"All you need is the thing you've forgotten, and that's to learn to live with what you are."

You may note that I took Jolene's name off my list of links. It isn't because I don't love her anymore. Alas, she decided to take down her blog.

Anyway, I got to meet up with Jolene in Eau Claire yesterday for some Christmas shopping. It was excellent. I have very little shopping left to do. Not that I won't be tempted to do more. We walked through the mall, but I didn't get anything there. I did, however, start itching after trying the new lotion sample at Macy's. I had to immediately go wash off my hands. I also forgot that I shoved a perfume sample in my pocket, so now my coat smells like Juicy Couture. Or at least the pocket does.

We also met Jolene's brother, John, at TGI-Friday's for lunch. Interesting conversations, I tell you. Somehow we got on the subject of mucus, and John informed us that humans swallow three gallons of mucus and saliva a day. I really, really wanted to say, "Aw, I bet you say that to all the ladies." :) haha

Jolene and I were talking about dreams and meanings or symbolism behind them, and her brother goes, "Come on, Jolene. That's like, the weakest science ever." I replied, "Ever? What about Scientology?" Then he nodded like I was right.

Also, Santa Claus was sitting at the next table over. I saw him drinking milk. He told us Merry Christmas. He scared a little girl.

Jojo and I went to Borders because I had earned a 10% off shopping day, but I forgot that I'd earned Holiday Points, too, and I could have paid even less. Dang it. Then off to Kohl's, where I got my mom a stress-reliever neck pillow, scented with lavender and chammomile. And finally to Target, where I really wanted to get this for Kristen:

It's a Hello Kitty waffle maker. (Currently on sale for $15.) But it didn't fit with the theme I created for her present. Anyway, I'm done with her stuff.

It was fun hanging out with Jolene! She gave me a gift card to Barnes and Noble, so I'm excited for my next trip up to Duluth. I'll spend every last penny on that card. In fact, I may be going up this coming weekend because Kristen and I desperately want to see the new Jack Black/Kate Winslet flick, Holiday. I know it will be excellent.



Also planning on taking in a college hockey game, which I haven't been to in years. And my favorite English professor told Kristen to let him know next time I'm in town because he wants to have dinner with me. After Kristen told me that, I dug through some of my old college things. Among my diploma and a Dean's List certificate, I found the letter of recommendation my prof had written for me. It was really encouraging to read his high praise and faith in me. I hope I do get to sit and talk with him again.

"Like the fool I am and I'll always be, I've got a dream..."

Last night I dreamed that I was a reporter writing an article on Brad Pitt. Since I did such an excellent dream, he gave a couple tokens of thanks. One was a used perambulator, and the other was a pair of diamond earrings.

After he gave me the gifts, I went to work my shift at the library. I closed at 8 p.m., but suddenly about 15 people from high school came traipsing in, demanding I stay open another hour so they could use the computers. I was quite ticked off, and they wouldn't leave. I was hungry, so The Other White Rachel took me to her house to get dinner. I shoved a roast beef sandwich and a raspberry-filled doughnut into my jumbo purse. TOWR started to drive me back to the library, but first we watched a fat cat climbing a fence.

TOWR dropped me off at the library, but before I went in, I noticed Heath Ledger sitting on the sidewalk sifting through trash. I asked him what he was doing. He claimed to be making a statement to society about poverty and homelessness. I asked if he was hungry, and I gave him my roast beef sandwich. Then I offered my doughnut. He swiped his finger through the frosting on top and said, "The cream is delicious, but it's the smooth, velvety goodness inside that I like the most." And I said, "Who doesn't?"

"I not a girl. I a lady." ~Jersey

A birthday weekend filled with '80s movies, cake with my face on it, and scary Santa surprises. Who could ask for anything more?

Krista arrived first with presents, a cheery balloon (which was later confiscated by Jersey), and a cake with my mug on it. She opened the box outside to let me see it, and the sun shining straight upon my cake face made it look severely red. I shouted, "Rosacea?!" Um, maybe you had to be there.

Anyway, one of Krista's gifts to me was this awesome blanket from Old Navy. Jealous?

After Kristen arrived, we started dinner for the three of us, my grams, mom, sister, and Jerz. It was delish. We then retired to the living room to watch first Teen Wolf and then Flight of the Navigator. That night, Kristen found a 3-foot Santa waiting inside her darkened bedroom. heh heh heh

The next morning after getting ready for the day, I went back in my own bedroom to find that dirty Santa lying in my bed. Stinking Kristen.

So we left for Eau Claire, stopping for lunch at the Olive Garden. I ordered an alcoholic drink, and I got carded. YES! After that we went to see Stranger Than Fiction. Excellent film. At one point in the plot, we find out that the author decides how she's going to kill her character, played by Will Ferrell. (I'm not giving it away, don't worry.) She says something like, "It's so simple and heart-breaking." Well, she was looking at apples when she said it. And since Will's character was dating a baker, I instantly thought I'd figured it out. I leaned over to whisper to Kristen.
Me: Baked in a pie!
Kristen: What?
Me: That's how he'll die! *pointing at the screen*
Kristen: *looking like I'm crazy* Nooo. That's not... What?
Me: She said it would be simple and heart-breaking! He's dating a baker!
Kristen: No... Are you serious?
Me: Yeah!
(5 minutes later)
Kristen: Baked in a pie?
Me: Or baked in something? Like some kind of poison getting into the pie? Or something else?
Kristen: OH! I thought you meant Will Ferrell was getting baked into a pie!
Me: Oh, Lord.

Krista, unfortunately, had to head back home after that. Kristen and I went shopping at Borders, where my birthday present to myself was Veronica Mars Season 2. Oh, yeah! Meow, Jason Dohring! If you were a little older and not married...I'd finish this sentence properly.

On our way to my aunt's motel, we went through the Taco Bell drive-thru. Kristen ordered.
K: Can I get one beef and cheddar, please? And an order of onion petals.
*long pause*
Drive-thru Guy: Chicken tenders?
K: *growling* BEEF and CHEDDAR!
Drive-thru Guy: Oh! Oh! I'm sorry about that.
K: You oughtta be.*
K: *to me* You know he's gonna mess this up. It's gonna be beef and cheddar wrapped in chicken tenders.
Me: *Homer-like drooling* Heart attack...Mmmm....

*Okay, she didn't really say that at the end. But it's funny to pretend she did. And after watching Teen Witch at the motel and laughing over its lame '80s-ness, our conversations got zanier as the night wore on and sleep eluded us. At one point, Kristen accidentally spit when she said something. Then she yelled, "I sprayed it, AND I sayed it!" We laughed hysterically for like 10 minutes.

Sunday was spent (literally) shopping. I got a lot of Christmas shopping done. I bought myself a ceramic-plated flat iron for my hair, as advised by Metamorphose and Azucar. I love it! It's the first time I've straightened my hair without it looking all frizzy and Cousin It-ish.

After Kristen dropped me off at home, I went upstairs to my room. Somehow, Kristen had managed to sneak creepy Santa into my room again. I called Kristen's house.
Kristen's Mom: Hello?
Me: Hi, it's April. I know Kristen's not home yet, but could you leave a message for me?
KM: Okay.
Me: Please tell her she stinks, and I'll get her back.

Later when Kristen called me back, we laughed about the Santa trick, but then also shuddered about his creepiness.
Me: He's all filthy, too. Like he'd just crawled out of fireplace.
Kristen: *wimpering* Or a grave!

So that's the weekend. Mostly. I guess I forgot to mention the teenage couple making out at Perkins, and me singing, "Statutory!" And that my co-workers at the library also got me a birthday cake. Or that Kristen danced in a crowded parking lot while Krista and I tried to distance ourselves far behind her. What can I say? I had a great weekend with great friends.

Valentine's Day has a reputation for being crappy. At least for me. Well, my friends, that reign is about to end.

February 14, 2007

Madison, WI

John Mayer, LIVE, in concert.

Another one bites the dust...

Scott Foley. Engaged.

You are the one I want! Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Swallow necklace. $40

Caught in the Fishing Net bracelet. $275. (wow)

Pearl Cluster ring. $95


Charm Keyring. $16


Perched October necklace. 18"... $42


Kimono ring $16


Labradorite & Blue Topaz Chunky Ring. $20 sale!

"Digital circuits are made from analog parts."

If you guessed that the above quote was from my fortune cookie, then you are absolutely correct.

And so began the weekend.

Krista, Kristen, and I ate dinner at China Inn in Superior Friday, where Kristen gave me all of my birthday presents a month early. But they were pretty sweet, so how can I complain? Among my robotronic gifts was this awesome pocket mirror:



and this sexy wallet:



Later that night we watched some "scary" movies...and I use the term scary quite loosely. We rented The Omen (the new one), Silent Hill (worst movie ever), and The Legend of Lucy Keys (shut off after 10 lame minutes).

Kristen also gave me my very early Christmas present. It's a vintage travel poster of Japan in a black frame. Check it out, and be jealous.

Next morning upon waking, I asked Krista what the time was.
Krista: It's 9:00. Do you know where your kids are?
Me: Dried up in the cavern that is my womb.

We also had this running joke that originates from Krista's niece, Kayla, who told her grandpa "You can poop at McDonald's." So whenever anyone needed to make a trip to the bathroom, they said, "I need to go to McDonald's." I was getting out of the shower when Kristen started banging on the bathroom door.
Kristen: April?
Me: Yeah?
Kristen: Hurry up. I need to go to McDonald's!!
Me: You have a 3-minute wait. Please drive up to the next window.

Saturday afternoon was spent shopping. Of course. At Barnes & Noble I bought myself the book New Moon, which is the sequel to Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer. SO GOOD. The woman at the counter got really excited when she saw my purchase. She grabbed the book and goes, "Oh, my gosh! I love this book! Did you read the first one!" And yes, there were exclamation points after each sentence. I could hear them. I also purchased season one of Veronica Mars. (Of course, once I got home, I saw that it had finally shown up through the library. Oh, well.)

We had lunch at Perkins, where we split an appetizer sampler. When the waiter came to clear our plates he asked if wanted separate checks or all together. We said separate, then Kristen and Krista both touch the sampler plate and said at the same time, "You can put this on my bill."
Waiter: Well, I can split it up three ways if you want.
Me: Hey, leave me out of this!

Around 6 or so, we met up with Kristen's friends to get our Halloween party started. So there was Kristen, Krista, Kate, Kelly.....and April. *sigh* We headed to Duluth so we could go on the haunted ship tour there. Normally there's a huge line and you have to wait like 30 minutes just to get on. We waited 10 minutes, and that should have been our first clue about what awaited us. It was so lame. Apparently all the "actors" thought that talking spooky meant using a British accent.
Lame actor with British accent: Got any blooooood? *wielding a fake dagger*
Me: No.
Kristen: We're type O, you wouldn't like us.
Lame actor: *pretending to poke me in the neck with dagger*
Me: Uh, don't touch me.

After we got out of the ship, I remembered the signs that had said "Do not touch any of the actors. If you do so, you will be immediately escorted off the ship." I folded my arms in annoyance and said, "I wish I'd touched an actor so I could have been escorted off the ship." It was so horribly lame.

Anyway, we went out to Kristen's house for tacos (delish), chips & dip, cupcakes, and Scene It. Krista and I partnered up, Kate and Kelly were partners, and Kristen and her dad were partners...until her dad left 5 minutes later. haha Krista and I kicked butt, of course. :) So modest. And then we went back into town to go to a couple of bars. One of Kristen's friends was there and was almost fall-down drunk. She kept yelling about how her boyfriend would f*** her. Yikes. There were some hot guys at that first bar. Then we went to some other place where there was a back room with a ping pong table. And let me tell you, I cannot play ping pong. No hand-eye coordination at all. So after like the fifth time of running to go pick up the ball, I gave up. Krista and Kristen were much better at it. We left not long after that, leaving Kate and Kelly to be approached by hot boys, I'm sure. Me = old.

On Sunday we did a little more shopping. I bought Jersey some much needed bigger clothes and then I got Halloween candy for my grandparents to hand out. Krista and I headed on the long highway. Well, long for her, since she had another 4 1/2 hours to drive after dropping me off.

And tonight, I'm taking Jersey out trick-or-treating. She's a little fairy tonight. We're teaching her to say bippity-boppity-boo, but it sounds more like ba-ba-boo. haha Everyone have an excellent Halloween!!

I guess that cholera showed him!

These made me laugh:

On The Simpsons~
Mr. Burns: Be quiet, Smithers. I'm trying to relax with my new chums.
Smithers: Those are corpses.
Mr. Burns: You never like my friends.

On the radio~
DJ: Get this, an elementary school in Massachusetts banned the game of tag because they're afraid kids might get hurt and sue. But really, think of the psychological trauma from this game. You get tagged and you're "it." You could be "it" all day or all week!

At work~
Me: *looking over co-worker's resume* Well, maybe you could replace the word "job" with "employment."
Boss: *starts laughing*
Me: What?
Boss: What's the difference between the two?
Me: It sounds better, for one. And--
Boss: *starts laughing again*
Me: Fine. Just freaking forget it! *turn back to computer screen, crossing arms*
Boss: *leaning over* Crabby.
Me: *pointing back at her* Know-it-all!
Boss: Damn straight.

Baby-sitting Jersey last night~
Jersey: *being messy with a bite-size Milky Way candy bar that Grandma gave her*
Me: Jersey, be good now.
Jersey: *dangling the caramel over the carpet*
Me: Jerz, eat nice or I'll take the candy away.
Jersey: No! It's mine, you turd.

Take that, Lorelei!

Last night I dreamed that the sexy Scott Patterson and I were sitting on a couch watching a porn movie. It was weird, but he was oh so hot.



Lorelei can have stupid old Christopher. I'll take Luke Danes any day.

"There is such a thing as good grief. Ask Charlie Brown."

Jersey's got the chocolate twitches.


I'm a model, you know what I mean. I do my little turn on the catwalk.


MWAH!


Snooze alert!


Whatchu talkin' bout, mama?

She who is snarky, is full of malarky.

Another edition of conversations, but first: Why didn't anyone tell me that Veronica Mars was such an awesome show??? I watched it last night for the first time and could only think of how much I've missed. Although, there did seem to be an awful lot of bad-wig wearing, but I'll overlook it because of the fantastic writing. Also, there was a "Take Back the Night" campaign featured in the show, and I participated in one such march in college. Oh, the good old days, fighting for women's rights.

At my mom's house, Amanda was finishing telling me about something scary she'd seen on TV.
Amanda: Seriously, it was cricken freepy.
Me: *staring at her*
Amanda: What?
Me: Uh, you just said cricken freepy.
Amanda: I did?
Me: Yeah, you totally said cricken freepy.
Amanda: God, I'm a dork.

In kitchen with Grams as she's throwing away a container that had previously contained (haha) banana nut bread slices.
Me: You know, I didn't get a single slice of banana nut bread.
Grams: Well, it was there. You could have had some.
Me: Oh, so it's my fault, huh? It's always the victim's fault.
Grams: Yup.

At library, making my boss smell my perfume.
Boss: Mmm... That's nice.
Me: I know. I love it. It's Princess, by Vera Wang.*
Boss: It smells like Avon Musk from the '80s.
Me: *mouth open* What??
Boss: I like it. I always loved Avon Musk.
Me: *in shock, staring at her*
Boss: I mean... It doesn't exactly smell like it. It's a much nicer scent.
Me: Avon Musk?? From the '80s???
Boss: Well... Not really like musk.
Me: It'd better not be, or Vera Wang can suck it.**

*I didn't actually blow half my paycheck on a fancy bottle of Princess. It's just a lousy sample from a cosmetics counter.
**I didn't actually says "Vera Wang can suck it," although it does have a nice ring to it.

Ya here ta eat?

Sorry for the long absence. I've been both busy and lazy. It's a lethal combo.

Kristen drove down Thursday night because we were going to the Cranberry Fest in Warrens, WI on Friday. We spent the evening shopping, of course. What else? Bath & Body Works. Mmm...

Friday my aunt Barb and her friend Fern picked us up and we were on the road a few minutes after 5 a.m., arriving around 7 a.m. It rained all morning, but we were each prepared with ponchos. Although mine was just a blue, standard one-size-fits-most, it felt like an enormous tablecloth hanging around my neck. The wind kept making it billow out. Kristen said to me, "You're turning violet, Violet!" haha

We saw many a weirdo at the Cranberry Fest. We saw one older woman turn and glare at her companion, growling, "It's pouring!" I don't know if she was blaming her for the weather or for making her come. We also saw a blast from the past...an apparent die-hard '80s fan. The woman had fried red hair with gigantic bangs, fist-sized glasses, a beige Members Only jacket, stone-washed jeans with black felt hearts running down both sides of the legs and one black felt heart on the back pocket, and silver Reeboks. We stared in awe, our mouths hanging open.
Kristen: No. This isn't happening. It can't be real.
Me: Oh, it's real. It's very, very real.
Kristen: No, I can't believe it. It has to be a joke.
Me: Look at her hair. Who would do that as a joke?

There were some very annoying Girl Scouts who shrieked at passers-by to purchase their cookies. A woman in front of us muttered, "If I buy a box, will you shut up?" haha

As we walked past a booth that specialized in dog treats, Kristen cried, "Hey! Smokey beef knuckles!" I replied, "What did you call me?"

At a booth that was selling pretty crappy jewelry, the vendor hit on me. Kristen and I were trying on rings, not really seeing anything we liked.
Vendor: So, see any rings you just can't live without?
Me: Er, not really.
Vendor: Or maybe just a ring you can live with? You can live with me!
Me: haha...ha... Wow. ha Um, I don't hear that everyday.
Vendor: *acting shocked* You don't?

Then he started asking if Kristen and I were sisters. It somehow led to him saying, "You know what they say. Women always know if the baby is theirs. The men have to have faith." We laughed politely and finally got away. As we turned the corner, I looked at Kristen and said, "Damn my good looks." :D

I did buy myself a few goodies. I bought a small wooden star with a nativity scene carved out of it. Actually, Kristen got herself one, also. And I bought some delicious cranberry salsa, jam, peanut butter fudge, and trail mix. Mmm... What's a fest without food, right? Oh, and I bought this cute little ceramic vase that's cream and mauve with Japanese writing, and you pour scented oil into it for it to slowly release out into the room. I got a pomegranite scent. Kristen bought herself some jewelry from a really nice lady. We were about to leave without having purchased anything when the woman said, "We also accept charge cards." Kristen and I both whipped around, and Kristen replied, "Reeeallly? Well, that's a horse of a different color!" And since she was selling earrings for buy 2, get 1 free, Kristen let me pick out a sexy pair of Russian jade earrings. Yoink!

There may be more, but I forget. Anyway, we got home around 4:30 p.m. or so, and we were super tired and went to bed early. On Saturday we just bummed around. We walked to Jitters, a cute coffee shop, where I had a fruit-tea smoothie and she had chai tea. Then we went shopping in Rice Lake, where I got my brother a Christmas present. One down! And Kristen pointed out that Ghost Hunters Season 2 was out on DVD, though it was broken into two parts. I was mega excited because I am a super nerd. I bought part one, and Kristen bought me part two as an early birthday present. Love, love, love!!

On Sunday we wanted to have brunch before Kristen had to return home, so I thought, let's try a restaurant in town. I thought I'd impress her with a local place on the lake. We walk in and are informed that they aren't open yet (it was about 10:40 a.m.). They didn't have any hours posted and the doors were unlocked. Hello? So I took her to another place on the lake. We walk in, stand next to the sign that reads, "Please wait to be seated," and notice with some trepidation that it's sort of sporty/bar-ish. A teenage guy comes up and says, "Uh, ya here ta eat?" Customer service at its finest. I say yes, and he says, "Uh, just sit wherever you want. I'll let you pick." Must be a tough job. We ordered water, then decided to just leave. Lame.

I don't remember much else. I know we made up another hilarious song, this time about being childless, but I'll leave that for Kristen to relay.

Aaliyah has been taken to the hospital because of a high fever. We're not sure what's wrong with her, but she may be transferred to another hospital. Please pray for her. I'll update tomorrow with any news.

Update: Last night Aaliyah's temperature was 106* but it finally came down. However, the doctors/nurses still don't know what's wrong with her. She hadn't been eating and would scream every time she was put down. Her chest X-rays and urine and blood samples all came back fine. Although they had a hard time finding veins in her arm, so they drew blood from her forehead.

Aaron said the nurse tried 10 times to find a vein, despite how much pain she was causing Aaliyah. She also admitted to Aaron that they were supposed to stop after two tries. So they got some "specialist" to try and find a vein, and Aaliyah was screaming so much that Nikki went into the room to find out what was going on. The guy yelled at her to get the hell out of the room and walk further away from the room so she couldn't hear the screaming. Yeah, that sounds like great care to me.

Anyway, the temp is down and she's eating a little more, so that's good. That's as much info as I've received. Continued prayers would be appreciated.

Waiting on the world to change...

Wait a minute... What's this on the cover of my brand new issue of Rolling Stone? No, not Justin Timberlake. No, not how Bush is an idiot. There...right there. See it? JOHN MAYER: Rock's Hot Soul Man

That's right. Take that, bitches.

Conversations

Jersey: Watch Hungabungas?
Me: What?
Jersey: Watch Hungabungas?
Me: Um. What?
Jersey: Watch Hungabungas!
Me: Hunga? Bungas?
Jersey: Okay! *gets excited*
Me: (to Amanda) What the heck does she want?
Manda: She wants to watch Pocahontas.

Driving from McDonald's after Cara stopped to get Tyler a Happy Meal.
Tyler: Look at my toy!
Me: Yeah, cool.
Cara: Are you even gonna eat your Happy Meal?
Tyler: Yes.
Cara: Can I have some of your cheeseburger?
Tyler: Okay. *he hands it over*
Several bites later...
Me: Hey! I thought you were gonna eat some, not all!
Tyler: MOM! Give me back my cheeseburger!!
Cara: Fine. Here ya go. *gives back half*
Tyler: *starts crying* MOM! You stupid!!
Me: *turn quickly away so he doesn't see me laughing*
Cara: You said I could have half.
Tyler: *still crying* No, I didn't! You stupid! You liar! You cheater!
Cara: *laughing* Sorry!
Tyler: You stupid muncher!
Me: Yeah, you stupid muncher.

On the phone with Kristen:
Kristen: Hey, did you hear that Scott Speedman is dating Heather Graham?
Me: What?? Ugh. How dumb. Why can't he date a hot, smart girl? Like Scarlett Johansson?
Kristen: Mmmm... That's my fantasy couple.
Me: *laughing* You wouldn't know who to be jealous of.
Kristen: I'd ask to join in.

What a Girl Wants, Part 2

Total Bitch lip gloss in the color Sheer Madness. $12

Barbie Cameo Ring by Tarina Tarantino. $63
P.S. There are tons of Hello, Kitty! items on this web site for those of you who adore that sort of thing. Kristen.

Stacey G Gold Buddha Necklace, 17" in coral. $114

Tarina Tarantino Skull Heart Necklace. Crystal embellished enameled heart and skull pendant on 18" adjustable chain. $112

Bormio Makeup Bag in black, made of corduroy and features a section of embroidered zinnia in green, white, and black. Scalloped leather edge. $46

Makins Hats Ltd. Sage fur felt bubble cloche outlined in hunter soutache braid, button top and side loop trim. Colors: sage, black, berry, lt. gray, tan, salmon, turquoise, khaki, marine blue. $295

The lovely Jersey is wearing a denim knee-length dress with yellow straps and an embroidered flower on the front. She's eating shark snacks, and yes, she is wearing one pink glove.










Miss Jersey, being a monster. She's growling at you.












Here is Aaliyah, just a few days old. The pretty pink blanket is from moi.









Same cute baby, different angle.

What a girl wants...

Best. Perfume. Ever. Want it.







I'm So Sexy Lip Gloss. Obviously, I want it.








Tramp Lamp. Need it. Want it.









Yeeesss.... Want it.







Robot earrings. So cool. Want it.




Checkbook cover. Want it.








Pier One. Delicious. Want it.

"Well, I was mauled by a cougar, I didn't learn nothin' but racecar drivin', and my Crystal Gayle T-shirt is ruined."

The weekend was a blur of Will Ferrell quotes, road rage, and gagging.

Where to start... Let's see... Krista arrived first and visited me at the library, where I pointed out that Tony's dad was there. I think he knew who I was, but neither of us acknowledged the other.

Then Kristen arrived, and we headed to Nikki's to see Aaliyah. (I promise, pictures soon. Today Blogger was being stupid.) So they both got to hold her. Then we rushed off for some delicious drive-in food before a brisk walk (well, brisk for Kristen, with Krista and I slowly following). And...then we got some bakery goods. On our way home, I got to point out the cute Heath Ledger-type boy, and he waved at me. *blush* Anyway, we ended the night watching Dirty Dancing and Superstar. After Kristen made fun of Dirty Dancing throughout the entire movie, she goes, "I liked it! I think I'll buy it!" Oh, and Kristen had a bit of trouble with one of her bakery items. See her for details. Then point and laugh. Oh! And I also offered them cheese and crappers. Yes, I said crappers instead of crackers. *sigh*

Saturday morning, Krista broke my grandpa's recliner. hahahahahaha It was stinking hilarious. It wasn't really her fault. We'd known for quite a while that the back was gonna go, and it just happened to be Krista who granted us the priviledge of watching someone scream as the chair back fell off.

Then, Gagging: Part 1. I was eating some frosted shredded wheat, from a brand new box, when all of a sudden I tasted something nasty. I spit it out into the bowl, and whatever it was, was bright green-yellow and mushy. It looked like shit. I kept spitting yellow slimy stuff, and ran to the bathroom, heaving and gagging over the toilet. I can't even think of the cereal without involuntarily gagging. Disgusting. I will never, ever eat shredded wheat again. Ever. In my life. Ever. Eeeevvveeerrrr.

Later, after Kristen finally woke up, we walked to a few shops around town, stopping in at a coffee shop for breakfast. I enjoyed a wild berry fruit-tea smoothie blast with two cappuccino creme wafers. Mmm... We stopped at a shop that reeked of body odor, where I got Jersey a little beanie baby doll. She loves it, by the way. Then off to Eau Claire for fabulous shopping. And by fabulous, I mean I got a bottle of shocking magenta nail polish with a skull on the front, a bottle of 3-in-1 shower gel, shampoo, and bubble bath from Bath and Body Works, and a button that says "I *heart* being awesome." It's true. I really do.

Lunch at Garfield's in the mall (Redlaw and I ate there when she visited, too!), dinner at Taco Bell. Talladega Nights in between. Pretty funny movie, despite the clips of humiliating the elderly and an overly long kiss between Will Ferrell and Ali G. Movie quote: "The room is spinning! I'm getting dizzy from all the gayness!"

We did have one incident of road rage. Some guy on a motorcycle pulled out in front of us and was driving really slowly. He started to turn but didn't use his blinker or do a hand signal. Kristen let out several short blasts of her horn. The guy turned and stared Kristen down as she yelled, "Blinker! Blinker! Yeah, use your blinker!" Then he flipped her off. Luckily, it ended there.

Sunday morning, Gagging: Part 2. Kristen walked out of the bathroom with a disgusted look on her face. She says to me, "Remember your shredded wheat incident?" I gagged and nodded. She holds out the plastic cap to her travel toothbrush. It was filled with mold. Then she said, "And I already brushed my teeth!" Yuuuuuck.

So we went to Target to lovingly spend our money. I purchased Underworld and Underworld: Evolution. Mmmm.... Scott Speedman.... *drool* We also returned to the mall for lunch (I know that you need to know where we ate...it's very important). Kristen and I both had Arby's (I got the delicious roast beef meal, she got a salad.), and Krista had Subway. She got...er...a sub.

After a bit more shopping, we were forced to part ways. *sigh* Such sweet sorrow and all that. You know how it is. I spent the rest of the night napping through my Scrubs dvd (disc 1) and flipping between the Emmys and HGTV's Design Star.

"Nobody leaves this place without singin' the blues."

Today is my grandmother's birthday. I had a flower arrangement delivered to the house this morning. They're really pretty, light and dark pinks in a coral pink vase. I think she was a little disappointed, though, that they weren't from one of her kids instead.

Today a book was returned to the library, and the cover was hilarious. Although, probably only Krista will understand why. The cover picture was the inside of a room. In one corner was a wheelchair, and outside the window was a bird. The title of the book was "Petey." So. Freaking. Funny.

Last night Amanda was playing patty cake with Jersey, who wasn't really feeling well but insisted on playing. So Manda was holding on to Jersey's hands and making her do the gestures as she sang the song. She must have accidentally twisted Jerz's wrist or something, because Jersey started crying.
Manda: *kissing both of Jersey's hands and trying to soothe her* Whassa matter, Werz? Did you burn yourself on the patty cake oven?
Jerz: *sniffling, but feeling better* Do patty cake.
Manda: No. It's too dangerous.

I laughed till I cried.

And what's with these random guys from high school showing up and looking cute? It's seriously weirding me out. And I can't mention their names cuz Nicole will think I'm nuts. Unless she's currently having her baby. Nic? Are you still preggers or do you have a wee one finally? Anyway. The boy today was a year younger than me, but he remembered me. I never would have been attracted to him in high school, but now he has this Heath Ledger from "Brokeback Mountain" thing going on. Minus the homosexuality, of course. But you know, rugged, blondish, quiet manliness. Seriously. It has disturbed me.

Also, these boys are showing up only on the days I'm at my less fabulous (if you can believe it...haha). It's the Farmburger Conundrum all over again. Farmburger was the nickname we gave Krista's crush in college, for a more innocent reason than that he was meaty. Krista loved studying in the library because Farmburger normally showed up there. At one point, though, he rarely came at all. We had decided to go study at the library, but Krista was dressed in pajamas--too big flannel shirt and non-matching pants. She knew that Farmburger would not be in the library if she changed clothes and did her hair. She also knew that if she didn't do her hair or change her clothes, she'd inevitably run into the manly Farmburger. And since she'd rather see him than not, she went to the library in her pajamas and bed-head. Of course, there was Farmburger.

That's how I've been feeling these days at work. Do my hair nicely or put it in a pony tail? Put it in a pony tail, and here comes a hot boy. Have a face break-out, and here comes a hot boy. Take a bite of lunch and have Ramen noodles hanging down my chin, and here comes a hot boy.

Anyway, Krista and Kristen are coming to visit me this weekend, so it should be pretty fun. We're planning on drive-in food, window shopping, and Talladega Nights.

Ooooohhh.... Mommy like.... And by mommy, I mean me.

101'd!

So, I know most of you think that I'm like the coolest chick ever, right? (Ah, keep your wise-guy remarks to yourself, Eric.) Well, just so you all don't feel so bad about not being as cool as me, I thought I'd level the playing field by revealing some little-known secrets. I wasn't always this awesome, you know. To prove it, and to celebrate my 101st blog post, enjoy these little factoids.

Top 5 Dorky Movies In My Current Collection:
1. The Adventures of Pluto Nash, starring Eddie Murphy
2. Galaxy Quest, starring Tim Allen
3. Bowfinger, starring Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, and *gag* Heather Graham
4. Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, starring a lot of people who should have known better
5. Stealing Harvard, starring Jason Lee *love* and Tom Green, who eerily looks like my step-dad in this movie

Top 5 Dorky CDs In My Collection:
1. 98* Greatest Hits~I wasn't a very big fan of 98*, but I did often steal the single "Invisible Man" from my freshman year roommate.
2. Coolio featuring 40 Thevz, the single C U When U Get There ~ I believe the first time I heard this song was with Nicole, on our way to a 4-day Christian rock fest. hahahahahahahaahahahahahaha Best line: "I ain't tryin' to preach, I believe I can reach, but your mind ain't prepared. C U when U get there." Oh, Lord.
3. Chumbawamba, Tubthumper ~ Come on, like you didn't jam to it. I would like to add, though, that I did not purchase the cd myself. It was a Christmas present. :-D
4. Chris Gaines, Lost In You ~ It's just the single...to a movie that was never made because the song flopped. And yes, I do like the song.
5. Soundtrack to the movie Beaches ~ Um...I have no justification for this one. I'm just a dork.

Dorky Books I've Read:
1. Everything "written" by V.C. Andrews up until high school graduation.
2. A lot of Harlequin crap, I'm afraid. Long before college, though. I know better now.
3. Chick Lit. My name is April, and I'm addicted to Chick Lit.

My Girlhood Crushes:
1. Michael J. Fox, in his Family Ties days.
2. Joey Lawrence, in his "Whoa!" days.
3. Jon Knight, in his NKOTB days.
4. Balthazar Getty, in his Lord of the Flies days.
5. Michael Pare, in his Eddie and the Cruisers days.

Secretly Love These Hip Hop/Rap Songs:
1. California Love, by Tupac Shakur and Dr. Dre
2. Shake Ya Tailfeathers, by Nelly, P. Diddy, and Murphy Lee
3. Mo Money, Mo Problems, by Notorious B.I.G., Puff Daddy, and Mace
4. In Da Club, by 50 Cent (I actually love most of 50's songs...I have a mini crush on him.)
5. Gold Digger, by Kanye West and featuring Jamie Foxx

So, there you have it, my friends. Dorkery at its finest. Of course, just admitting all that only made me cooler than I already was. But don't worry, some day you'll be as cool as me. If you try really, really, really hard.

I thought bein' alone was better than...was better than...

Dear Library Patrons,
Take a shit at your own home. Don't wait until you get to the library, take a huge crap, and then leave the door wide open without even the fan going. And then don't come up to the counter later and say, "Hmm...it kinda stinks in here." Cuz it's your ass.
Love, April

Dear Idiot,
You are a waste of space. Stop breathing through your mouth, picking your nose, wearing the same clothes every day, and generally stinking up the joint. If you tell second shift one more time about how busy it's been when you've done nothing but sit on your ass, leave on your "break," or stink up the bathroom all day, I will rap you on your Jack Johnson....and/or stab your cheek with a ballpoint pen.
With Hate,
April

Dear Jersey's Dad,
How are you gonna be criticizing the cable guy, saying he doesn't know what he's doing? If you know so much, why don't you get a job at the cable company and start paying some damn child support, fool? I'm sure Jerz loves the Care Bear with the blueberry scented tummy, but being a daddy means more than the occasional present.
Love, April
P.S. How can you wear black velvet sweat pants in the middle of August?

Dear Mice,
Stay out of my car, if you know what's good for ya.
Love, April

Dear God,
I am sweet and loveable, as evidenced by the above letters. So where's my future husband? I'm not getting any younger.
Love, April

"No, I don't want a bite of your burrito, sicko!"

I got to see Aaliyah again briefly last night. I kept my distance because I've been battling a cold all week. She's still adorable. I'll post a pic next time.

By the way, the title of this post is a quote from my boss in response to the idiot she hired for the summer. He's the laziest piece of crap ever, and it continually pisses me off. He sits on his ass for hours at a time, reading, then gets up and says, "Well, I'm going on my break." I can't even look at him because I want to judo-chop his face off. Anyway, every day he goes to the store, buys 2 frozen burritoes, then lets them set out on the counter. After they've thawed a bit, he eats them, unheated. *shudders* He also goes to the bathroom about 8 times a shift, sometimes in there for 30 minutes at a time. So yesterday, he apparently asked my boss if she wanted a bite of his burrito, and that was her response.

I also had something bizarre happen at work yesterday. Before I begin, let me just have all of you who don't really know me, pretend that my last name is Smith, and also pretend that it's uncommon. (The rest of you can read along substituting Smith for my real last name.) Ahem. So, I'm working at the circ desk when this young woman comes in. She's very pretty, dressed all in black, with this charcoal gray houndstooth print hat. I ask if I can help her, and she says in this quiet, soft voice, "Yes, I'd like to use the computer." And I can hear an accent, possibly French. So I ask if she has a library card or if she's just a visitor.
Frenchy: Well, I'm with the Smiths.
Me: What?
Frenchy: The Smiths. You know, the Smiths?
Me: Uh, I am a Smith.
So I'm thinking she's staying at the house of some of my family members at first. Then I realize she means a band. And I'm also beginning to think that her accent sounds incredibly fake. Also, the entire time she's talking, it's like she's putting on a performance--elaborate gestures, cutesy expressions, etc.
Frenchy: Yes, we played in Rice Lake last night. And tonight, we travel to St. Paul to perform. But we'll come back here after that.
(Please picture every other word punctuated with a wave of the hand, a tilt of the head, anything theatrical you can think of...except no jazz hands.)
Me: Uh-huh... Okay, well...
Frenchy: I love it!
Me: Yeah, well, I'm sure... It sounds like fun, huh?
Frenchy: I have no complaints.
Me: Okay.
Frenchy: (leaning in super close, staring into my eyes) I have no complaints...at all.
Me: Er...you can go on a computer now.

I'm telling you, it was freaking weird!! Also, when I acted out this conversation to my mom and sister, and I imitated Frenchy leaning in really close for that final line, my mom insisted I never do it again because she felt like stabbing me in the eye.

I'M AN AUNTIE!!! AGAIN!

Aaliyah Kay was born at 2:27 a.m. Wednesday.

7.3 pounds, 20 inches long.

Apparently she looks like my brother. After work, I'm headed back to the hospital to see for myself.

The end of the weekend already? *sigh*

Thursday night, Nikki started going into labor, I guess. But Friday morning I was informed she'd been sent back home to let her cervix thin out some more. As of right now, 4:10 p.m. Sunday, still no baby. Although I did have a dream Friday night that she'd had a baby boy, whom she named Lance Reed. I assume my subconscious combined Lance Bass from N'Sync and Austin Reed from Days of our Lives.

On Friday, Kristen and I spent way too much money shopping in Eau Claire. I bought this tasty green purse with black skulls on it, for a clearance price of like $14. I tried to find a picture of it, but I couldn't find one. :( Trust me. It rocks. We also ate at Olive Garden, which was dee-lish-us. And we heard people at a table near us joking with their waiter, and then the waiter goes, "True dat." It was hilarious.

Saturday we had brunch at Perkins before heading out to Hudson to find our hotel, Best Western. Despite requesting an early check-in, our room was one of the very last to be cleaned. So we basically got into our room about 9 minutes before normal check-in. As we got ready, we were lucky enough to find that Lance Bass movie, On the Line, was on TV. It's as lame as you would expect. Then we headed to Stillwater, MN for Mike and Jolene's wedding, which took place on a riverboat. It was a very moving ceremony. Jolene was GORGEOUS. Oh, my gosh. Her hair was fantastic, the makeup flawless, and the dress. Oh, Lord. So beautiful. And of course Mike was very handsome in his tux. He even hugged me and Kristen. Awww...

Kristen and I were kept entertained by two of Jolene's other friends from college. They were party girls and definitely had some interesting stories. Plus being on the river was so cool. We hung out on the deck for quite a while, just soaking in the breeze and the beautiful surroundings. Jolene's brother made mix cds for the entertainment, and I was quite pleased to hear "Thriller" by Michael Jackson.

This morning we went to Mike and Jolene's house for brunch with some of their friends and family. Then the newlyweds opened their wedding presents. I got them this, while Kristen got them a set of ice cream bowls, all tinted a different color, and some ice cream toppings. I think Mike was quite pleased. Jolene's mom asked, "What's your favorite ice cream, Jolene?" And Mike answered, "Whatever's in the freezer." haha

So, now I'm back home, and I'm exhausted. Time to go take it easy.

I'm just saying, some people get knocked on the head and get super powers. Read a comic book.

Nothing special going on, I'm afraid. Here are a few snapshots of my life.

Aaron and Nikki got married on Monday morning. She's got a big honkin' rock on her finger. Hmph. My brother never gave me diamonds! Anyway, we'll probably have some kind of party for them later, after Nikki has the baby. And before you ask, no, we still don't know what she's having. Every time she has an ultrasound, the baby crosses its legs. I'm thinking, modesty? Must be a girl.

I was sitting in the library last week, just emailing and stuff, when this guy approaches me. He says hi, and I recognize him from when I'd interviewed at the newspaper he used to work for. Then he says, "You were at the Wilco concert a couple of weeks ago, weren't you?" And I'm like, "You bet your sweet ass I was!" (Or maybe I just said yes.) So he said he was a couple of rows behind me, which made me panic that he was going to comment on my grooving. But no. He just asked how long I'd been a fan and what I thought of the concert. We both agreed it was the best concert ever. Then he slipped me a little piece of paper with a link on it, and told me that he'd written a review of Wilco's concert because he's a freelance writer. I read it, and it's pretty dead on. Oh, and everyone I've told this story to has asked, "Was he single?" No.

In a series of emails to and from Kristen about our hotel reservations for Jolene's wedding, we've concluded that Best Western sucks. To sum up, despite Kristen calling to see if we could get an early check-in (before 3:00 so we have time to get ready for the evening wedding), BW not only already billed Kristen's credit card when we haven't stayed there, but also charged her for two nights instead of one. She called them about it, and their only form of action was to file a report that she's "disputing the charge." Unfortunately, the other hotels in our price range are fully booked, so we're stuck.
Kristen's email: No rooms available for the 5th, so I guess we're stuck with freaking "Best" Western.
April's email: Crap Western, more like, the bloody bastards. Let's plug up the toilet before we check out.
Kristen's email: Plugging the toilets. That shouldn't be too hard for us. ha ha ha. Can't. Stop. Laughing. Yes, we will plug up those babies real good.

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

So I know you're all dying to know how it went meeting Redlaw. She was awesome, as if you expected anything less. We met up late Saturday afternoon and went shopping, of course. How can we pass up a mall?

So, Redlaw found something that she just had to get for Metamorphose, and I found something that I just had to get for Jolene. It practically jumped into my hands. After a walk-through of the mall, we went to Garfield's restaurant, which is in the mall. Garfield's covers its tables in paper so that customers can color on it while waiting for food. So, our waiter comes up to the table, grabs two crayons and says, "I have to do our routine," which was to write his name on the table. Then, as if we couldn't read it, he says, "My name is Tony." I leaned my head back and sighed deeply. "Of course it is," I said. "Why wouldn't it be?" Then he didn't look at me for the rest of the meal.

Redlaw and I then went to Target to get munchies. Because who doesn't want munchies, right? She found a couple movies that she'd been wanting, and after purchasing them and the required chips and chocolate, we headed back to the motel. My aunt, who runs the motel, let us borrow her DVD player, so we watched Bridget Jones's Diary. It was excellent.

Oh, Redlaw also got to talk with Kristen on the phone, and about 15 minutes later, I got to talk to Metamorphose on the phone. It was fun.

Sunday was filled with Pier One Imports, Borders, Target, and lunch at Perkins. At Borders, I was sucked into their Buy 2, Get 1 Free deal. I ended up getting The Zombie Survival Guide (for my cousin, Justin, who wants to make films about zombies), Dogs of Babel, and The Man Who Loved Jane Austen. There wasn't much to choose from, unlike the selection for the Buy 3, Get 1 Free deal. Bastards.

At Perkins, our waiter kept flirting with us, but in a weird way. Like, he told us that he was going to be our waiter, then goes, "Is that okay?" We're like, yeah. He goes, "Are you sure?" *wink* It was weird. Then he kept coming back and saying things really quickly. We'd nod and smile, then look at each other like, "What did he just say?" Oh, and while Redlaw was in the restroom, I overheard a group of guys behind me quoting the new Will Ferrell movie and giggling excitedly. And by quoting, I mean word for word, including the part where old Will stabs himself and screams. It made me wish for a cute, funny-movie quoting boy of my own.

Then the day, and visit, was over too quickly. Redlaw (which I did almost call her one time) had another 10-hour drive in front of her. I was sad to see her go, but I had a great time. Plus, we quoted movies about a million times, and you don't find that with just anyone.

My life as a wet blanket.

Some minor irritations...and by minor, I mean knock it off or I'll backhand your face:

~People have been continually printing things from computers or making copies from the photocopier, then acting like it's a big hassle to pay for them. I mean, they'll specifically walk into the library to use the copy machine, and then say, "Oh, I guess I have to go get money? I don't have any money on me."

~They also like to walk in and just head for the computer. It has always been our policy (the same policy for any library with computers in the county) that you have to sign up for a computer. With as busy as it is in the summer, it's the only way we can keep track of how long people have been on and when we can get someone else on.

~No hello. No hi, how's it going? No good morning. It's simply, "I want a computer." Even when I say hello, just two feet away from them, they ignore me and demand a computer.

~There's one kid who comes in everyday to play Runescape. And everyday we have to tell him to watch his language, lower his voice, or stop arguing with whatever Runescape-playing kid is next to him. When his turn is over, he stalks out, muttering under his breath. Then an hour or so later, he's back trying to sweet-talk us. "I'd really like to apologize about my behavior earlier....can I go back on the computer?" I'm so sick of it. Even if I'm the bad guy and tell him no, someone else always undermines that authority and lets him on. How is he ever going to learn his lesson?

~On my last pay day, two guys who work for the city came by to drop off our paychecks. And he did something that took me right back to my retail days and instantly pissed me off. Instead of just setting the envelopes down or handing them to me, he flips them at me. You know, like you would a frisbee or when you're dealing cards. Why do guys always fucking do that??? I can't even tell you how many times I've been cut or jabbed from having to try and catch whatever object is being thrown. I think it's a jackass thing to do.

~There's a new kid working at one of the libraries. He's working under a different program. I think he's a little bit slow--like a learning disability, but he's capable of work and reading, all that stuff. Anyway. I think he has a crush on me. He's always standing behind me or just out of my peripheral vision, and he stares at me. I'll turn around, and there he'll be. With a little smile on his face. I'm awful, aren't I? But it irritates the hell out of me.

~My mom's boyfriend broke up with her. Again. I'm mad at him for treating her badly, but I'm irritated because I've been seen as, like, the bad guy. The first time they tried dating (and the second), he was an ass to her. So when they started dating again, I told my mom I didn't want to hear about him or see him, whatever. Not that she paid any attention. But it was always, "Oh, April. Why can't you be nice to him? Why can't see he's trying to change? Blah, blah, blah."

~One bright spot. After the article, read the first comment. I like the way she thinks.

"If we'd waited, we wouldn't have invaded. That's true cuz it rhymes."

I had dinner last night with Nicole and her husband, Allen. I'm jealous of their perfectness. We went to Adventure's in RL. After we waited for about 15 minutes or so, the high school-age hostess asked if we were "ready to be sat." haha

Somewhere in the middle of talking about our jobs, complaining about our families, and reminiscing about high school, I suddenly remembered a moment that made me realize that I haven't changed much since I was 17. I was explaining to Allen that one time in our senior English class, we were all supposed to fill out a "class poll," so everyone in the class would get voted into a certain category...most popular, prettiest, etc. Nicole and I tied for Brainiest, and we were both pissed off because we wanted to be Most Funny. It still rankles, cuz we were the funniest mo-fos in that class!

Anyway, I was lying awake in the suffocating heat last night when I remembered that I never wrote about the rest of my weekend in Superior. Of course, now it's been so long that I've forgotten quite a bit. Here are the highlights:

At Kmart, Kristen pointed at this picture of Bruce Willis and said, "This is your lover!" And it was funny and spontaneous, so I was startled into a surprised laugh, complete with projectile spit. It was altogether hilarious and gross that we were almost crying from laughing so hard. I mean, come on. Look at that mustache!

Kristen's parents also grilled out for us, either Saturday or Sunday...so long ago. Anyway, after the lunch, we were eating root beer floats out in the new gazebo/tent that her parents had set up. The 2L bottle of root beer was still sitting on the table, but I had replaced the cap. Then a really strong wind came up and the bottle began tipping off the table, between me and Kristen. Kristen didn't try to grab the bottle, but her eyes got really wide as she watched the bottle and screamed, "WaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaahhhh!" It was the most bizarre scream EVER. As she finally realized that the cap was on and no pop was spilling, her face turned red and we laughed until our backs hurt and we were crying. You know that kind of laughing? It's not attractive at all. And then as we're still laughing, another strong wind came up and blew Kristen's skirt up into her face. Oh, Lord. So. Freaking. Hilarious.

We also tried to stalk her crush at his church, but it turns out that he most likely doesn't even attend there. Which is good because the sermon annoyed me greatly. I did like the church itself, though. Very pretty. And I did get to finally see her crush at Kristen's library. Very cute. Looks a little like the host of "Cash in the Attic."

And that's about all I can remember. Which is good because my mom just called and offered me a delicious blizzard from Dairy Queen.

It's close to midnight, and something evil's lurking in the dark...

I have the stupidest ideas at 7:22 a.m.

This morning I woke up thinking that it would be hilarious if, at Jolene's wedding reception, everyone perfectly began dancing to the exact choreography of Michael Jackson's "Thriller," ala 13 Going on 30. This had me giggling madly for about 3 minutes, before I drifted back to sleep.

Isaac Hayden may have made me giggle like a schoolgirl, but Wilco rocked my face off.

So this weekend was about music. Most of it was actually good.

Friday I drove up to Superior to meet Kristen. We got ourselves ready for the Isaac Hayden performance later in the evening. We arrived way too early, of course, and roamed around a pretty ghetto Kmart in West Duluth to waste time. Then we set out for Beaner’s, hoping at least one of Kristen’s friends would decide to show up.

We talked briefly with a worker, perhaps owner? at Beaner’s about why we came to the show. Kristen filled him in on the Librarian’s Revenge and that Isaac (because we’re on a first-name basis now, don’t you know) was on the March mix. (Side note: Bless you, Redlaw, for the intro to his music.) The guy was really excited and encouraged us to email him whenever we found someone whom we thought more people should listen to. I’m thinking the Avett Brothers, but they’re probably already too big?

So, I saw Isaac tuning up his guitar on stage. He smiled at me. I quickly looked away because apparently kindness from hot strangers is more than I can bear.

Kristen’s friend Kelly arrived just after the first band started, a duo calling themselves E.J. Asher. One played guitar, the other electric violin. Don’t get me wrong…it sounds like it would be pretty cool. But everything sounded exactly the same. When about the fourth song began, Kristen leaned over and remarked, “Uh, didn’t we already hear this one?” What was hilarious was that Kelly had just come from a Pearl Jam concert, so she looked a little like we were nuts to be sitting in this café. But Kristen assured her that E.J. Asher wasn’t who we’d come to see.

Finally, after listening to the first band’s lame knock-knock joke, sermon on how we all have addictions, and an admonishment that Isaac Hayden somehow owed them royalties because they’d “invented” something, Isaac took the stage. Hallelujah.

He put on a fun show, though he looked a bit tired. Touring does that, I’m sure. I only drove 100 miles to get to Superior, and that was tiring enough. Anyway. Isaac Hayden was funny, talented, and mocked our northern accents. “How aboot some coffee?” He also made the audience participate in a song where he sang a line, and then we’d have to repeat it. But I don’t think any of us understood a word he said during that one, so we all sounded like idiots. And after he introduced a second song that he wrote “about a girl,” a girl in the audience asked if it was about the same girl.
Isaac: Which girl?
Girl in Audience: I guess not.
Hahaha

Afterwards, Kristen, Kelly, and I hung around until most of the place had cleared out, then we approached him to buy cds. Here’s where I turned into an idiot.

Isaac turned to say hi and thank us for coming to the show. I tried to avoid looking directly at him, lest my face burst into flames. Yes, he was that hot.

Me: Er, I’m gonna buy a cd.
Isaac: Okay.
He grabs his official cd, still wrapped in plastic, and then a bonus cd of him performing live in Utah.
Me: Do you autograph them?
Isaac: *looking surprised* Do you want me to?
Me: Well, I’m here. Might as well. (Could that have sounded any ruder? Yikes.)
So he rips open the plastic with his teeth, which was quite sexy and made me even more nervous.
Me: My name is April, by the way…
Isaac: *looks at me like he knows the name from somewhere* Nice to meet you. *shakes my hand*
Me: Yeah, I emailed you like a week ago…
Isaac: Oh, yeah! Right!
Me: The dork who emailed you.
And then, instead of laughing or mocking me, he takes a step back, puts one hand on his chest and says, “Oh, no. I’m totally a dork, too.”
So endearing. *sigh*

So then he asks how we heard of him, and Kristen explains again about Librarian’s Revenge and that he was on the March mix. He seemed pretty excited about it. Kristen bought a cd, too, and then we started heading out. I was ahead of the other two girls, and Isaac was still talking as I was leaving. I remember him saying something about how I should email him on his MySpace account…keep him updated? I don’t remember. I was trying to concentrate on not tripping or giggling like an idiot. So, with a nod in his direction, I said, “Okay, cool.” And walked out.

Out on the street, Kristen and Kelly were smirking at me. Before they could make fun of me, I’m like, “Yeah, I don’t know what happened in there. I’m a total idiot.”

But it wouldn’t have been an official April moment without making a fool out of myself in front of a hot boy, would it? And in case you’re interested, he signed the cd, “To April- Thanks. Isaac Hayden.”

Okay, onward Christian and/or unchristian soldiers. Skipping all other delightful weekend moments for a later post, let’s get right down to Sunday evening. Wilco. In concert. Rocked my freaking face off.

Kristen provided the tickets. I provided…er…myself. We had pretty decent seats, about 24 rows back but right in the middle of the row. Excellent view of the stage. We people-watched until the concert began. The audience ranged from like 9-year-olds on up to 60. Two guys in the row ahead of us looked like Philip Seymour Hoffman and Steve Zahn. Phil, who was wearing golf shorts that stuck to his butt each time he got up, asked me if I knew who the opening band was and if I knew much about them. I replied that they were called the Black Eyed Snakes, and I only knew that they were local. Apparently he knew all that and was just quizzing me because he then informed me that it was a “side project” of one of the guys from Low. I had no idea who he was talking about. But the band was pretty good. They used a distorted microphone throughout every song, so unfortunately, I couldn’t understand anything they sang, but the music rocked.

During their set, a group of guys behind us were trying to figure out what the seat numbers were for the six empty seats next to Kristen. She kept trying to tell them that the empty seat next to hers was #10, but they ignored her. So she kept yelling, “It’s 10! 10! This seat is 10!” I laughed a lot as she got irritated.

So, yeah, Wilco came out and kicked some ass. I only know one of their songs, which they didn’t play, but even so, it was an amazing concert. Everyone was singing along. The 13-year-old next to me who kept poking me with his tour poster even knew every word to the songs. And at one point, lead singer Jeff Tweedy said how much he liked Duluth. Then he goes, “I might even say you’re….Superior?” I laughed, but most of the audience groaned. He hung his head in shame as another band member made his guitar play the sounds “Wah…wah…waaaaaaahhh…” It was hilarious. Then Jeff Tweedy says, “Yeah, that’s why I don’t talk into the microphone much.”

Two encores, people. Two. That’s how awesome they were. Only downside was that everyone stood during the entire concert, which sucked because the floor was slanted and I was wearing sandals, which led to numb toes. Kristen bought herself a T-shirt and a set of tour postcards, and I also bought the tour postcards. They’re pretty sweet.

So that was my musical weekend. Other dorky moments will be documented later. For now, check out the Isaac Hayden and Wilco sites to add insane awesomeness to your day.

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It IS inappropriate. Much like your facial hair.

Dream Dictionary

Poker~ To dream that you are playing poker, suggests that a situation in your waking life requires strategy and careful planning. You need to think things out before carrying out your actions. The dream may also be a pun on "poke her." Are you trying to get a girl's attention?

Um. No.