Part Deux

So Monday morning I come downstairs, after sleeping off the headache from Christmas day, to find my grandpa gagging into the kitchen sink. Grandma and Don were standing there watching, and Don kept saying, "I told you! Go to the emergency room!"

See, Grandpa has this thing where, once in a while, he gets food stuck in his throat for a couple of hours. He usually can get it out, though. But at this moment, he'd had it since the previous day. As he said, "I don't know if it's turkey or a piece o' hog." Meaning ham, in Grandpa speak.

So I spent my last day of vacation in the emergency room in Rice Lake. Gramps had a minor procedure performed, which consisted of a tube being stuck down his throat and dislodging the offending morsel. Grams and I waited about 2 hours, her snoozing off and on, me growing more annoyed by the second at Soccer Moms. I don't even know if they were Soccer Moms, but they fit the profile. And by profile, I mean they thought the universe revolved around their children. "Can we hurry this up? My children are getting hungry." Listen, lady, it was 11:30 when you came in. Your son only has a sore throat. You think you could have fed your other kids before you came here? Other people have actual emergencies. Hence the name of the room. Bee-yotch.

So the doc finally came out and bellowed, "Yup, there was turkey stuck in his throat!" I giggled nervously, glancing around the room. We were then told of Grandpa's narrowed esophagus and how he should make an appointment to have it stretched. For the rest of the day, Grandma repeated, "You have to learn to chew your food better." Then Gramps repeating, "It ain't got nothin' to do with chewing! It's my 'sophagus!"

Oh, and Gramps told his nurse that she could put her shoes under his bed anyday. And no, he wasn't that drugged up.

I worked Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday was my day off, and I planned to do some extra work at the CH library so that I could get some holiday pay. But Gramps made an appointment to have the surgery on his throat, which means I had to drive him home. So we were on the road by 6:30 to make his 8:30 appt. in Hayward. I waited in the lobby while Grams went with Gramps to his room. Around 10:30 Grams came in by me. I started to get up, thinking he was out of surgery, awake, etc. Oh, no. They were just now taking him into surgery. Apparently there were two emergency operations the doc had to perform first. Not that anyone bothered to tell me the whole time I was waiting. Then we waited almost another 2 hours before a nurse came and got us.

So I drove home, Gramps telling me how to drive the whole time. *deep sigh* Then I got a quick lunch and went to work at CH. Need that holiday pay, ya know.

In other news:
~Cara went back to Texas on Tuesday afternoon.
~Kristen's not coming to my house for New Year's after all, so I'll be parking my ass at my mom's playing board games and drinking cheap wine coolers and being generally bitter about my single status.
~I've been listening to my Michael Buble cd nonstop. So hot.
~My uncle Brad got me the complete season of The Oblongs, which I'd never heard of. It's a deformed cartoon family who live in toxic waste. Watched two episodes last night. Very funny. Will Ferrell is the voice of the dad, Bob, who doesn't have arms or legs but is awfully cheery.
~Nikki got me the first season of Ghost Hunters for Christmas, so I'm going to let the family join in on my obsession. Steve...*drool*

Christmas vacation. Part 1

I went to the Packers game in Green Bay, WI on Christmas day. There were more than 69,700 fans in the stadium that day. It was crazy.

But, to begin, my Uncle Don and I were on the road at 9 a.m. Before we left the house, I'd asked my pink magic love 8 ball if a cute boy was going to flirt with me that day. It flashed me the "Yes!" sign, so I was happy as a little schoolgirl. Anyway, we were going to the game with Don's cousin LuAnn and her husband, David. They only live about 35 miles from Green Bay and had given us the free tickets. We arrived at their house between 12:30 and 1 p.m. Game time was 4:00. We had a quick meal of scrambled eggs and ham while waiting for David to get up from his nap. Apparently he needs a nap after church (he's a pastor). Then he finally got up, and they putzed and putzed before we could finally leave.

Now, call me crazy, but it stands to reason that if you're putting your life in someone's hands, i.e. in a car, that person should be able to see. Apparently David doesn't see well, yet there he was, behind the wheel, mildly cursing like only a Lutheran pastor can. He complained about all the traffic, he whined about the parking, he moaned about finding the right street, he muttered about the walk to the stadium.

Since he refused to pay much for parking, we ended up walking about 7 city blocks to the stadium. Not a bad walk, but it's off of Lake Michigan, which equals chilly.

After a gauntlet of drunken tailgaters, a mob of people scrambling to chug beer before it was confiscated, and a brief patting down to search for weapons and/or prohibited snacks and alcohol, we finally got inside the stadium itself. And were promptly rewarded with free Santa hats with a Packers logo on the front. I stuffed mine into my stadium blanket. We squeezed our way through the crowds and into our seats. Without exaggeration, I'd say within 5 minutes of sitting down, the game started. That's how freaking late we were because of the putz twins.

Now, LuAnn was very nice, a little ditsy perhaps, but sweet. Her husband... Well. Let's just continue with the day's events, shall we?

The weather was pretty darn nice for a winter's evening. The first half of the game I was gloveless and kept my jacket unzipped (cuz I'm saucy like that). It started to gently snow about 2 minutes before halftime, then quickly faded away to nothing. The second half of the game, I began to feel the effects of Bears vs. Packers fans. The woman behind me was a die-hard Chicago fan. And she was drunk. She kept screaming, "Wooooo!! Come on, Bearrsssssss!" I'll wait while you imitate her yourself. Don't forget to draw out the 's' on Bears. Go ahead.

Right. Try it? Annoying as hell, isn't it? Now imagine that Drunky Magee was screaming that every 3 minutes into your ear. Yes, a headache was born. Plus we'd had very little to eat all day, so I kept feeling more and more sick.

After the disappointing loss (but not wholly unexpected; Favre sucks), we briefly stopped in the gift shop, where I bought myself a Lambeau Field souvenir, a shot glass with "Curly's Pub" written on it. I collect shot glasses. But that's a different story. Then we marched all the way back to the car, bombarded by Bears fans shouting "In your face!" in our faces, and Packers fans chanting "The Bears still suck! The Bears still suck!"

There were quite a few restaurants open, but David didn't stop at any of them. He just kept driving, and any time LuAnn pointed out a place to stop, he'd act like it was too late to stop there. So by the time we were out of any traffic, we into parts of town that weren't open. LuAnn would tell him to stop and he'd say, "It's Christmas day, LuAnn. Everything's closed. What do you want me to do, LuAnn?" He spoke to her like she was a naughty 4-year old, and he said her name the same way you'd call someone a liar. And the worse my headache got, the harder it was for me not to punch him in his stupid head, pastor or not.

Anyway, Don drive us the rest of the way home. I mostly slept because I knew the alternative was puking. We arrived around 1:30 a.m. and broke out the Christmas dinner leftovers that everyone else had enjoyed at home.

I went up to bed and noticed my magic love 8 ball sitting where I'd left it. I glared at it and called it a stinking liar.

We both know you've got the worst reflexes of all time.

Someone found my page last night by searching the phrase "Ryan Reynolds shirtless." I aim to please. :)

Cara gave me my Christmas presents last night. She'd bought two old New Kids on the Block tapes and a T-shirt with an afroed karate man. The probably takes the cake for craziest presents I've ever received. So this morning while getting reading for work, I rocked out to "She's My Popsicle." It was hilarious. And a bit sad...cuz I knew most of the words.

Anyway, Cara finally got to see Napoleon Dynamite last night. I made her watch it. I knew she'd like it, but like I've previously stated, at my mom's house is the worst place in the world to watch a movie. We had Aaron annoying Nikki up at the table, and Mom telling him to knock it off. Then Tyler kept chasing Jersey around, and she was laughing hysterically (which was just cute). And every time there was music on the movie, Jersey would start dancing and then Tyler would, too. Except he stood right in front of the TV and wouldn't move. I had to rewind Napoleon's dance scene twice so Cara could actually see it.

And, in case anyone missed seeing SNL last Saturday, there was the funniest video ever. Chris Parnell and newbie Andy Samberg did a music video for the Chronicles of Narnia video. If you didn't watch it, here's a link for the video. Please enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/?v=zLElfJ9YCh0

'Twas beauty that killed the beast.

Cara made the trip up from Texas. Last night she and I, along with her step-sister Kelly and Cara's son, Tyler, all went to see King Kong. When we got to the theater, Cara jumped out of the car to run and get tickets for all of us while we parked. We soon followed her in the theater (after Kelly thought she locked her keys in the car). As Cara gave us each our tickets, I heard a sudden bongo-type drumming. Yup. You guessed it. It was LOGAN up at the counter. I knew he was like, trying to pretend that he didn't see me and was just non-chalantly practicing for his air band, but you can't fool this gal. Cuz I pretended like I didn't see him, either, which led to him yelling, "Hey, April!" Even when I'm a bitch, people don't get it. So I was nice this time. I mean, he's never actually done anything to me, even if Sharon hates him. (Sorry, Sharon.) So we chit-chatted, while Cara's yelling, "April, what kinda chocolate you want?" I fake laughed, like, "What is this chocolate you speak of, woman?" I'm pretty sure I fooled everyone...er... And later when Cara came back from getting napkins, she goes, "That guy was in the hallway. I think he was looking for you." But Cara also likes to say things that aren't true, which is why she's a pathological liar and I'll have to give her a stern talking to.

Anyway. King Kong. Very long movie, 3 hours. Excellent special effects. Jack Black was brilliant, very funny in an understated sort of way. Some parts were super gross, and people were literally shuddering and gagging in the audience. One academic fellow behind us said, "Really, now, that's just over the top." I laughed. And the title of this blog was Jack Black's final line, and although he delivered it well, I can't take him seriously. So even though it's supposed to be sad, I started snickering, which made Cara start laughing, too.

Tyler was a little friggin' terror, of course. Kept bouncing in his seat, spilling popcorn, talking loud, had to go to the bathroom twice (well, it was a long movie), and randomly said stupid things. What a 5-year old. :) As Kong walked away in one scene, Tyler yelled out, "I can see his butt!" Which made the teenagers behind us crack up. Not so much the old couple in front of us, though.

I didn't really get a chance to visit much with Cara, though. Just in the car to and from the theater. I had to sit in the backseat with Terror...I mean Tyler, who kept sticking his head in my armpit and telling knock-knock jokes. "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Chicken." "Chicken who?" "Pot pie." *laughs hysterically* "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Snowman." "Snowman who?" "Sunshine." *laughs hysterically*

On Saturday afternoon, Nikki and I went shopping for hooouuurrsss.... It was a lot of fun, though. She's so much more grown up than either my brother or sister. And I made her laugh a lot, which is really what I live for. She bought Jersey the cutest pair of hot pink jogging shoes. So stinkin' adorable!! We had dinner at Culver's. I asked her a question just as she took a huge bite of her food. She made a face at me, like Hold on... I pointed at her and said snottily, "Now!" So she started laughing. Then she chewed for like a billion years, and just as she was about to finish, I sighed really heavily, like I was pissed off, which made her laugh even more. :D And in case you were wondering, yes, we did have dessert. Strawberry shakes. Mmm... And if Nikki told you that the straw got stuck to my lip because I had to suck so hard to get the strawberries through, well, she's a damn liar.

Annoyed

Yesterday was my day off. I went to Rice Lake to have lunch with Sharon. For those of you who don't know her, she was my fellow proofreader at the newspaper, once upon a time. After I left that position, I was replaced by a dumb but very cute boy, Logan.

Anyway. Sharon and I ate at Applebee's. So good. Haven't been there in forever. But for some reason their front entryway always smells like a farm and I have to hold my breath. As we were driving there, Sharon was complaining about Logan. She doesn't like him, mainly because he thinks he knows everything. She goes, "You don't still have a crush on him, do you?" I laughed and said no. In a surly voice I'd never heard before, she goes, "Well, good!"

So afterwards we went shopping in the mall. The mall in Rice Lake sucks a lot. I mainly shop in Bath and Body Works. I purchased some holiday goodies there, including a bottle of pink sparkly nail polish that I didn't realize until later was $9! Yikes. When we left, I told Sharon I'd like to look around in Sam Goody's for a cd. We start to walk over when I stopped suddenly. Logan was working there! We couldn't believe it. (Because he not only works at the newspaper but also the movie theater, too.) So we go in, avoiding him and fending off four different associates who asked if we needed any help, and I found what I was looking for. Then Logan appears.
Logan: Hey, how's it going?
Me and Sharon: Hi. Fine.
Me: What the heck, you're everywhere.
Logan: (smiles) Yeah.
Me: *somewhat snarling* So, do you have like 5 jobs, or what?
Logan: No. Just three.
(pause)
Logan: So, are you looking for anything specific?
Me: *annoyed* Yeah. And I found it.
Logan: Oh. Okay. Well. Just come and find me. If you need anything.

I don't know why I'm a bitch sometimes. It's like....I just can't help it.

Sharon and I also went to Payless Shoes, where I bought a pair of ugly/cute shoes for only $2, and then on to Kmart. Of course, they only had one check out, which was backed up, so I went to the service desk to check out. The guy there was the slowest person ever. It took probably 7 minutes or so to ring up like 8 items. Then he slurred his words and I thought he said my total was $25 even. And it was actually $25.81. But he put my check into the check reader crooked, which jammed it, so he had to ask for my driver's license #, which is on the freaking check. Then it jammed again and he had to call someone over to help him. And all the while, he never smiled, just kept looking at what was going on around me, going as slow as humanly possible. I wanted to snap my fingers in his face and tell him to fucking pay attention. Ugh.

This morning. Was. Crap.

Okay, I've lived with my grandparents for how many years? And it still surprises them every morning that I'm a grumpy mo-fo who doesn't want to talk? Yet they still try. It's not even like it's regular conversation. It's asking me questions like I'm a 4-year old. Don't believe me? Here's a snippet:
I'm rummaging around in the cupboards trying to find something to take to work for lunch, minding my own business.
Gramps: What are you looking for?
Me: (silence)
Gramps: Why don't you have some cereal? There's some cornflakes on the counter.
Me: (silence)
Gramps: What are you looking for??
Me: (grabbing a can of soup) I'm looking for something for lunch!
Gramps: Well why don't you have some cereal?
Me: I don't want any.
(I prepare the soup and put it in a ziplock container, then put the bowl, a spoon, and napkin all in a plastic bag.)
Grandpa: Don't forget a spoon.
(5 minutes later)
Grandma: What's in the bag?
Me: Soup for lunch.
Grandma: Did you put a cover on it?
Me: *sigh* Yes.
Grandma: Did you dilute the soup first?
Me: *sigh* Yes.
Grandma: Did you put a spoon in there?
Me: *sigh* Yes.
(She feels around the bag.)
Grandma: *panicked* I don't feel a spoon in there!
Me: *head falls back, my eyes close* It's on top of the container!
Grandma: Oh. Okay, sweetheart. I just want to make sure.
(I head for the door.)
Grandma: Did you get crackers?

And so on.

At work, checking in books that have been returned by courier, I find a book called The Greatest Lover in All of England. The cover had a bare-chested man with flowing black hair and red tights. I laughed. A lot. Then I turned to the inside page where there was a passage from the book. For fun, I started to read the passage.
"Sir Anthony," she began.
He pressed his finger to her lips. "Call me Tony."
"Sonofabitch," I growled, flipping the book away.

Random'd!

On a Christmas card that came in the mail yesterday:
Merry Christmas, Palmer and Lorraine.
Me: Hey! What about me? What am I, chopped liver?
Grams: Well, they probably didn't know you live here.
Me: Yes, they do! I've been here 4 years!
(pause)
Me: Four years! No! Why, God, why?!
Grams and Gramps both stare at me.
Me: Uh, I mean, it's been great.

The other morning I was having a dream that I worked at a magazine, and some chick kept trying to tell me what to do. She had just finished giving me an order when my alarm clock went off. I stumbled over to my desk to shut off the beeping. Still annoyed by dream chick, I sleepily mumbled, "Don't try and give me an assignment. Bitchface." Then I went back to sleep.

Yesterday afternoon as I was preparing to leave for work, my grandpa stopped me to tell me about something he was going to purchase.
Gramps: It's a solution for the carbuerator.
Me: Uh-huh.
Gramps: Not the carbuerator...the engine...and it's a solution...that you put in, you see....
Me: Spit it out, Gramps.
Gramps: (continues to ramble on semi-coherently, then finally pauses and looks at me as if expecting a response.)
Me: I zoned out like 5 minutes ago.
Gramps: I know you did, but we talk so seldom that I gotta make it last.

At work, I was shelving some books when I heard a loud growling/roaring behind me. I looked over and saw a guy, a regular, stretching. He's a big, big guy.
Guy: Oh, that's better. I cracked my back.
Me: Oh.
Guy: My back always hurts. Even though I'm only 24.
Me: Oh.
Guy: But I suppose it doesn't help that I'm 380 pounds.
Me: Er. Probably not.
I despise small talk.

Last night in the grocery story, I was trying to squeeze past a fat couple who were taking up the whole freaking aisle. The man asked the woman something, and she sighed in exasperation.
Woman: I need to buy tater tots and mushrooms!
Man: (dramatically) Oh, boy.
The words "oh, boy" were said in such a manner that, if spoken on tv, they would have been followed by a comical "wah-wah-waaaahhh."

My mom sent a fake Christmas card to Aaron and his girlfriend, Nikki (yes, I spelled her name correctly this time), who both live in my mother's house. She put the card inside a bag, then tied the bag to the dog and sent the dog upstairs. In the card was written, "Merry Christmas. Final eviction notice. Have a happy new year...somewhere else. This ain't no bed and breakfast, bitches."

Jerzorama!

Here are a couple pictures I took of Jersey at Halloween. Isn't she adorable in that bumblee costume? I love the pic on the right. She looks so dang proud of herself.











Totally my niece. She headed straight for the chocolate. Good girl, Jerz.











Here she is in her pretty purple dress, sitting so nice for the camera. I think she may enjoy the spotlight.













She likes feet. I don't know why.














Sorry the pictures are in a strange order. This thing just doesn't want to work very well for me. Anyway, we took Jersey to get her picture taken with Santa on Thursday. I can't post the professional ones (copyright law, ya know), but my mom took pics with her camera, too. I'll see what I can do about that. :)

Ghost Hunter

His name is Steve Gonsalves. And I have the biggest crush ever on him.

He's on the show Ghost Hunters as part of an organization called The Atlantic Paranormal Society (TAPS). I've watched this show since the beginning, mainly because I've always been interested in the paranormal. I've had too many strange experiences to not be a believer.

This group, TAPS, investigates cases by request. They don't go in with some so-called medium who "senses" a presence. They go in with quality equipment and try to debunk claims of hauntings. Most of their cases can be explained logically, scientifically. But sometimes they do experience the paranormal. And that was why I got addicted to the show, their commitment to being real.

But then the more I watched the show, the more I started liking this guy, Steve. See, normally, I'd be frightened by the tattoos. I'd look at someone like him and think he was too tough for me. But through the magic and wonderment of television, I've gotten to see more than just the body art. Take a look at his picture again. Hot, right? But perhaps a little intimidating. Now, what if I told you that he's afraid of spiders? And heights? And flying? Does he seem more approachable now?

Okay, plus, he's a police officer. He's my age. And he had founded his own paranormal investigation group before he joined TAPS. Now I know he's more than someone who likes tattoos. He's smart, he's brave (fighting the unknown and common criminals!), and he's not a macho, tough guy.

Can you see why I have this massive crush on him? So before, I could have dismissed him as scary, if I didn't pay attention to the details. But now that I know more about him and am completely infatuated with him, I can see he's out of my league.

In conclusion, Steve: hot. Me: not. *sigh*

Loosey goosey, baby.

Okay, onto some lighter material.

I just rented a few movies for the weekend. Madagascar (it was okay, kinda cute), Sky High (really cute movie), and Land of the Dead. I only watched the first half of that one. I had a headache and went home (I was at Mom's). I bought a previously viewed DVD, The Amityville Horror. Because Ryan Reynolds is shirtless.

Mom and I went shopping Saturday after I finished work. That was pretty fun. It was nice to hang out as just the two of us. And then Sunday afternoon, Manda, Lil Jerz, and Nicky (Aaron's g/f) came shopping with me. We went to Wal-Mart. I know, I feel ashamed, but it's only during the Christmas season that I will shop there. My budget is tight. Nicky and I went into the mall to go to Bath and Body Works, too. I had a coupon to use, and damn it, I used it! :) Anyway, I'm pretty much done with shopping.

I also told Nicky all my ghost stories. She got really freaked out, so now she probably won't ever want to hang out with me again. :D

My Uncle Don was asked by another relative if he wanted 2 free Packers tickets. Which is a no-brainer since he's, like, obsessed with the Packers. The only thing is he had to choose between tickets on Christmas Day or New Year's Day. Anyway, my brother asked me yesterday who Don was taking to the game. Aaron wants to go since he's also a Packers fanatic. I didn't know, but Aaron is already going to a Vikings game soon. Then my uncle came to my grandparents' last night and stayed over. In fact, he got there like 2 seconds after I was done wrapping his presents (which are awesome! A blue fleece pullover {no, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!} and a blue Fantastic Four T-shirt). I told him he'd gotten there too late to sneak a peek. Well, I think he felt bad that I got him presents, cuz this morning (early! Hello, still in bed here!) he came into my room and asked if I wanted to go to the game with him. I said yes cuz I've never been to a pro football game. So I'm excited! I don't know which game we'll be going to, but it will either be against the Chicago Bears or the Seattle Seahawks.

Um... I just listened to a 30-minute lecture from a retired Vietnam vet who looks like Mad Eye Moody. He had a hook hand, false eye, and forehead plate. He quizzed me on Vietnam. I did a lot of shrugging. He regaled me with hospital stories. He named off "famous" Barron County vets. He told me dirty Ole and Lena jokes. I thought he'd never leave.

Losing my religion

I'm a pretty laid back person. Kind of a push-over, really. But I like to think that I'm also open-minded. When I meet someone of another culture or religion, I take in who they are. Whether I share their beliefs or not, I try to be understanding.

I've had a number of friends from different backgrounds than myself. Some harsher, some sweeter, some way more bizarre. But if they can accept me, who am I not to accept them?

Because these friends couldn't all possibly be Lutheran (such as me), I've found myself in numerous churches listening to lengthy sermons. The first I can recall is visiting a Catholic church with a close childhood friend and her parents. It was a large building, very dark. There was a lot of kneeling and crossing involved. Once when we went, the priest ordered me (ME!) to recite something from a page we were looking at in a book. Then he yelled at me to speak louder, then LOUDER. I was mortified. I think I was only 10 years old or so.

That wasn't my only Catholic experience, but it left it's mark. I've also heard sermons from the points-of-view of Baptists, Methodists, Apostolics, and so on. I attended a Baptist church for quite a while in college, mostly because they were so, so friendly and happy and welcoming. A lot of churches are condemning and too solemn. I liked the atmosphere at that Baptist church. About 2 years ago, some deviant set fire to the building, and the small congregation didn't have the funds to rebuild. It was a shame.

In high school, one of my very best friends was a Jehovah's Witness. Yes, I know, I can almost hear you booing from here. She was awesome. Very funny, nice girl, a bit too competitive with me, though. But if it wasn't for her, I'd never have gone to gym class. She was into sports, and she sometimes (okay, a lot) thought she'd naturally be better than me at stuff, which would anger me into participating in (ugh) sporty activities.

But Tab (that was her nickname) was very serious about her religion, too. She invited me to some of her meetings, and I went to a couple of them. I even went with her to some kind of Witness convention in Stillwater, MN. It was fun. I mean, I wasn't going for conversion. I mainly wanted to stay away from my own house, but that's a different story.

One day after school, two really hot boys knocked on my door. Since they were wearing nice suits, I assumed they were church boys. I pre-empted their speech. "Listen," I said, "My best friend at school is Jehovah's Witness. I've gone to some of the meetings. If I have any questions about it, I can just talk to her." The hot boys looked at each other. Then one goes, "Um, we're not Jehovah's Witness." I got annoyed because I felt foolish and snapped, "Well, then what are you?" They were Mormon. And they gave me their Bible. I think I still have it somewhere.

I've even gone to Seventh Day Adventist meetings. Those were pretty fun, actually. There was a Russian pastor who was so sweet and earnest. And there was a 30-year-old, somewhat mentally challenged, comic-book loving guy who kept hitting on my friend and wanted her to start a Christian singles club. That may have been the best part.

And not all of my friends have been Christian. I've known Muslims, Buddhists, so ons and so forths. I was actually told by a Muslim that I'm going to Hell. (Damn you, Usman!) And quite a few without any religious affiliation, some agnostics, some atheists.

Through it all, I've listened to their beliefs. Sometimes wanting to disagree, but that's not very tolerant, is it? Not that I've always been tolerant. Especially during my "New Christian" phase. That's pretty embarrassing, when I think back on it. I was very one-minded then. But I've loved discussing beliefs with people, loved the agreements and even the fierce discussions.

I haven't felt like discussing religion in a very long time. I'm kind of at an unknown stage. I've never been here before, and it's scary and lonely and depressing. Have you ever been so very sure about something, had the utmost conviction in it, and then one day, you're just not sure? Imagine yourself out on a cliff. You started out so convinced that it was strong enough to hold you, you didn't pay any attention to any other kinds of danger signals. So you make it out to the furthest point, and the ground just doesn't seem stable. Do you make your stand, confident in your earlier convictions? Or turn back? That's me. I'm standing there, unsure of my footing and wondering how I got there.

I didn't set out to be depressing. I just wanted to include more memories of friends. But I guess that's what happens. Open one door and find another...if you're in a place with a lot of doors... Er...

My days as a Mennonite...

I ate green beans last night. And it made me realize that I can't remember the last time I had vegetables. Besides potatoes. It's not that I don't like any veggies, it's just that I don't exactly have a well-balanced diet (to say the least). I normally don't sit down to eat with my grandparents, and if I cook for myself, it's just something quick.

I like green beans, I really do. When they're hot and crisp. Last night's GeeBees were reheated and soggy. Yuck. But then it got me to thinking about my life with the Mennonites. Oh, yes.

When I was a wee lass of probably 4 or so, my mother would leave my brother and I with a Mennonite family while she went to work. And every day when she'd come to pick me up, my hair would be in tight braids and I'd be wearing a dress over my jeans.

Since I was so young, I only have random memories of my time there. And a memory from my mom. She said that one day we went over to my grandparents' house, and as I was walking up to the house, I bent down and picked a plant. "Grandma," I said, "You've got chives." Then I ate it. My mom still is amazed. Today, I couldn't tell a chive from any other kind of plant. This is what I recall from my Mennonite days:

*We were not allowed to watch T.V., but I know the lady of the house watched her soap operas when we were supposed to be napping.

*Speaking of napping, one time I got up from my nap, sneaked downstairs, and went into their pantry. I snagged a mini jar of mustard and devoured it. I can't imagine why. But the thought of eating mustard makes me break out into a cold sweat now.

*I helped the mother and her children shell peas and other Mennonite-y things.

*My cousin Jenny was going to be dropped off for one day, and she tried to jump out of the car while it was still moving. She cut up her face, so her mom took her to Dairy Queen and she came back eating a Dilly Bar. I was jealous. Still am. A Dilly Bar sounds mighty fine right about now.

*The oldest son brought me and one of his sisters into the back of a covered wagon. He taught us how to smoke straw. Yeah. Straw. And I was what, 4?

Oh, those crazy Mennonite times. I'd look pretty ridiculous in braids these days.

Hodge Podge for $200, Alex.

I've been composing my annual Christmas wish list for my mother. I usually only write down one or two things. I can never think of anything to ask for. Mostly because I like to be surprised by what people think I'd like to have. But this year I've got a whopping total of 9 items. And I'm sure you already guessed that Bo Bice's soon-to-be-released album "The Real Thing" is definitely on the list. :-)

So, yesterday was hectic. Because of the rain and then falling temperatures, my car doors were all frozen shut. And I still can't get my key in the driver's side lock. I had to use a screwdriver to pry open the passenger side, then lean in and unlock the driver's side and push on the door. It still didn't open, so I had to take the screwdriver to that door as well. I was pretty panicked and didn't think I'd get to work on time, so I called the other librarian to come and open the library. I was only like 5 minutes late, though.

Question: Am I a complete loser for crying all through The Biggest Loser? Yeah, I thought so.

I had a dream about Jason Wade last night. The lead singer of Lifehouse? Anyway, mucho hot-o. Er, I guess that'd be mucho caliente. Whatev.

I'll have The Goblet of Fire and a side of embarrassment, please.

I finally got to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. My Aunt Barb took pity on me and treated me to a matinee showing on Saturday afternoon. It was packed, but we got there early enough to get decent seats. We sat in the very last row, up against the wall, so that we wouldn't have tons of people to annoy us. Excellent movie, very funny. I will go again to see it with anyone who'd like to accompany me.

Of course, the movie is 3 hours long. Now, I didn't get fidgety or antsy for it to be over. But when I shuffled out into the hallway after the credits started rolling, my eyes were completely unfocused. I vaguely saw the shape of workers standing there, waiting for us all to file out so they could clean up. One boyish figure raised his hand and said, "Hello, April." Now, let me backtrack and say that when I first learned I'd be going to see Harry Potter, I quickly changed into nicer clothes and into my skull and crossbones shoes. The former because I'd be out in public, and the latter because I hoped that if I ran into Logan, he'd be impressed with my footwear.

I don't think he noticed my shoes. Because after he said hello, I stared blearily at him until my eyes focused to see that it was, indeed, Logan (of the proofreading, cute boy kind). I smiled, we exchanged mild pleasantries, and I turned to walk away. Immediately I looked down towards the coolness that is my shoes....and instead noticed several kernals of popcorn on my shirt...on my breast shelf.

*sigh*

At least my pants weren't unzipped.

Didja hear the one about...

Ah, Thanksgiving Day. A time for annoying the crap out of family members.

9:00 a.m.
Gramps is rushing Grandma around, telling her to hurry with the potatoes, hurry with the turkey, hurry with the fruit salad. Even though no one else would show up until at least 11:30.

9:30 a.m.
Gramps walks over to where I'm sitting at the dining room table, wondering if I should make something else for the dinner, and if so, what? Gramps says, "You ever hear about ol' Thurry Green?" "Can't say that I have," I reply. In which case, I am promptly told in great detail the exploits of ol' Thurry Green and my great-grandfather.

10:00 a.m.
My grandma is grumbling about Grandpa rushing her. Still no arrivals to the house. I sit in a recliner reading a book and waiting impatiently for my mother to arrive. She is always, always, always late. She said she'd be there at 10. I call her. She says she'll be there at 10:30.

10:30 a.m.
Grandma has made her third phone call to my uncle Don, asking when he'll be arriving. Of course, his cell phone is off, so the voice mail picks up immediately, and Grandma thinks he can hear her and just chooses not to pick up. "Donaldo, this is your mother! Are you there? Pick up if you're there... Are you ignoring me? Okay. Call your mother."

10:35 a.m.
Grandpa calls Don. "Hello, Don. This is your father. I don't know if Ma called you or not. She says she did, but what kind of message did she leave? So. Are you coming? Make sure to get here at 11:30. Sharp. Bye." I am then exasperated by more stories of ol' Thurry Green. And my mother has yet to arrive.

10:54 a.m.
Mom finally arrives with a pumpkin pie, brownies, and Jersey. Jersey is wearing a black velvet dress with purple velvet pants. It looks kinda silly, but she's warm. I beg Mom not to let Grandpa tell anymore Thurry Green stories.

11:48 a.m.
Don finally arrives, not having turned on his cell phone at all to hear any of the stories. He plays them for us, and we laugh at my grandparents.

12:00 p.m.
We say grace and sit down to eat. Jersey sits on my lap and I feed her, though I make Mom give her drinks from her glass instead of mine. Gross.

12:02 p.m.
Grandpa starts telling more stories. Over. and. over. again. The same ones. I think he's finally cracked and gone senile. At his fifth telling of how Aaron had called from jail asking to be bailed out, I leaned over to my mom. "Is he drunk?" I ask. Mom nods once. "I knew it the minute I walked in the door," she says.

12:30 p.m.
Grandpa goes to sleep off his early morning drunk. Grandma, Mom and I play dice and chase Jersey around, until she finally falls asleep, too. Don watches football.

So, those were the main highlights. I later begged Grandpa never to talk about Thurry Green again. To which he repeated a story, and I was annoyed (and slightly amused).

Mom dyed my hair yesterday. The color is called chocolate caramel. Mmmmm... Oh, and we watched "Kingdom of Heaven" with Orlando Bloom. And he was mega hot in the movie. He was hot in LOTR, of course, and Pirates of the Caribbean. But in "Troy," he was so wimpy. Ugh. Totally manly and hotly in Kingdom, though. Wanted to scromp on him. But Mom and I agreed that the chick in that movie was completely skanky looking. She looked very dirty-ish.

And Krista sent me birthday presents in the mail!! She got me a heavy yellow Oriental-type picture frame, my own sunglasses, a pink "birthday girl" ribbon, and sillystring. But the best was a matted and framed picture of a pink water lily and pad on water. Very beautiful! I already have it hanging in my room, and it's going to look so excellent with my black and pink pin-striped bedding...when I finally pay off my layaway.

Finished watching the second season of "The Gilmore Girls." *sigh* I want more, now! The best part was when Jess said he was checking out Rory's book collection to see if she had "Franny and Zooey." So. freaking. hot! I had to rewind and watch it again. Then I paused it just so I could let the hotness settle upon me. Oh, to have a cute boy want to buy me "Franny and Zooey." So unfair.

It's like...why would that happen...in a world...

Yo-ho-ho, my head is a'killin' me.

I've had a headache all morning. Which led to me feeling nauseated and wanting to put up a "Stay Out" sign on the library door. I finally found some ibuprofen in the bathroom. Now it's a dull ache and the nausea is fading.

Must have been from headbanging to "Psycho Killers" this morning. Damn you, Talking Heads!

Well, my mom is coming over to my grandparents' for Thanksgiving tomorrow, but my brother and sister aren't coming. So Mom is cooking them their own turkey today. Aaron won't come because his girlfriend isn't allowed over. Oh, yes. You read correctly. The one who cheated on him, he went ballistic over, and spent close to 2 weeks in jail because of. (Technically, he'd already had a warrant out because of unpaid fines and that was why he stayed so long, but I digress.) And Amanda refuses to come over because she got into an argument with my grandparents a few weeks ago and is not allowed over until she apologizes for her behavior. She's stubborn and won't do it. Ah, sweet familial harmony.

This weekend I must get started on being crafty. No, not like a wolf, but like Martha Stewart. Minus the jail time.

Sonofabitch! Finally, a really cute guy walked into the library...and I saw the flash of gold around his left ring finger. Of course.

UPDATE: Cute Married Guy asked me if he could use the printer, and he caught me looking at Rachel's page, which, if you'll remember, has pictures of her with her mouth open. So I'm sure he thinks I'm a freak. Then he came back to pay for the papers he'd printed, and within the space of 1 minute, I managed to
1) Knock into the keyboard tray while getting up,
2) Kick into a box on the floor,
3) Hit my hand on the counter,
4) Drop his change, and
5) Struggled to form a coherent response to his "Thank you."

As if that wasn't enough, as he was leaving, I was about to fall against my chair when he suddenly turned, grinned, and said, "You're a life-saver." The words rolled around in my brain, trying to compute. I finally said, "Er, that's nice to know." Yes, that's all I said, though you'd think having an English degree would help a person with basic conversation skills. He smiled again and left. I'm an idiot.

I got the *doo doo* babysittin' blues...

Things that Jersey can now say:
* Grandpa (though it sounds like grumpa)
* Who's that? (along with "what's that?" and "where's grumpa?")
* Bye-bye
* Oh, see that?
* Mama, Dada, Deeda (which means Keesha, the dog)
* Hey, baby (she says it like, "Hey, baaaayyybeee." So cute!)
* And a variety of other things that I can't think of.

She also can get through the baby gate, point to her eyes, ears, nose, mouth and hair, and has two distinctive happy dances. She knows exactly what her shoes and socks are and will bring them to you if you ask nicely. She loves to share and look at books. Her favorite game is peek-a-boo, though knocking things over is a close second. She also knows how to turn the TV off (and she does it often).

************************************************************************************
We got brand new movies into the library today, so I snarfed them up before anyone else could. Well, the ones that didn't already have a waiting list. So I'll have lots to occupy my time over the Thanksgiving break. I have off Thurs.-Sun. One of the movies was Rodgers & Hammerstein's The King and I. I love that movie. My grandma actually saw Yul Brynner once at an airport. She and her sister were standing on the lower level, and my grandma looked up at the second level and saw him standing there. He noticed her staring at him, so he bowed to her in recognition. That is so damn hot!! Yowza!

I put up my little Christmas tree that I bought on clearance after last season. It's just a little tabletop tree with a silver bucket stand. I'd also bought a red and white tree skirt at the same time. I set it up on a little decorative chair I have near my bed, and it looks cute. I don't have lights yet, though. I'd bought some baby blue and silver ornaments and silver ribbons to hang them from, but the ribbons are too long. I'll have to go find some regular hooks.

45 minutes left of work. *whine* I wanna go home! These kids here are driving me nuts. I feel like a babysitter.

"He could sell a ketchup popsicle to a lady in white gloves."

I drove safely on Friday afternoon. I was in the minority. It was the opening of deer hunting season, so everyone was on their way up north to various cabins and hunting lands. And they were in a hurry. In fact, I saw 6 different State Patrol vehicles on the drive up to Superior, and 5 of them had someone pulled over. Actually, one part made me laugh. There was a guy who'd been on my tail for a long time, very annoying. He finally whipped around me and was gone in a flash. About a mile later, there he was on the side of the road, with a trooper behind, lights flashing. So excellent.

Jolene and Krista couldn't make it up to Superior, though. Krista's car died (actually a funny story, hope she blogs about it) and Jolene had a lot of other things going on. When I got to Kristen's house, she'd already bought Chinese food for everyone, including Krista. Since Krista was a no-show, we split her dinner. Hello, sweet and sour chicken!

We did a lot of shopping. And eating. And jamming to Rachel's November CD. (Very excited for December's!!) In fact, while we were driving, a particular song came on (I forget which one, Kristen would remember), and Kristen told me about rocking out to that song. Conversation as follows.
Kristen: I love this song.
Me: Yeah.
Kristen: On my way to get the Chinese food yesterday, I was listening to this CD. I stopped at Taco John's and got a meat and potato burrito, when this song came on.
Me: *looking at her strange*
Kristen: So I was just driving along, eating my burrito, and picturing myself headbanging to this song. *she starts laughing*
Me: *still looking at her strangely*
Kristen: What?
Me: Let me get this straight. You were on your way to get Chinese food?
Kristen: Yeah.
Me: And you stopped. At Taco John's. To get a meat and potato burrito.
Kristen: Yeah.
Me: On your way to get Chinese food.
Kristen: Yup! *keeps laughing*

I could only shake my head and laugh.

Saturday morning we were up by 7....er.... :30. And along with one of her friends who came, Bozidar (don't know if I spelled that right), we helped her parents move tons of furniture from their old house into their new house. We worked until about 12. Then we had lunch. Kristen's mom kept asking Kristen if she thought $50 was enough to give Bozidar for helping out. Plus, he was getting Kristen's old bed and 2 air conditioners from the old house. So Kristen and I folded our arms in protest, like, "Well, we helped out, too, what do we get?" So her mom gave us money for the Olive Garden. Which we went to on Sunday.

We also went to Catherine's in Duluth on Saturday. I haven't had to drive in Duluth in like a year or two, so I was nervous. For those of you who don't know, Duluth is very hilly. Very. So I was stopped at a red light, going uphill, and Kristen tells me to take a left. When the light turned green, I took my foot off the brake, and we promptly began a slight roll backwards. I panicked, jammed my foot on the accelerator, and squealed my tires as we jerked up and around the corner. Embarrassing, but oh so funny. People on the sidewalks were staring at me. They probably called me a crazy woman driver. Oh, well. And if you're wondering if I purchased anything at Catherine's, I did. I bought a little heart charm and a package of tomato- and barbecue-flavored nuts called California Crunchies. These two I'm sending to my uncle in California. I thought it would be funny to send him something from Wisconsin with CA on the label. I'm a dork.

Sunday was my birthday. Kristen refused to go see Harry Potter with me, even though I've previously gone to see The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl with her. Kristen's dad actually bought me a little birthday cake. It was very sweet of him. I think he did it because I laugh at his jokes. :) Kristen gave me a bar of Lindor chocolate. I ate almost the whole thing last night. And by almost, I mean I gave my grandma two pieces and snarfed down the rest. But I shared my birthday cake with her, too!

I got a lot of Christmas shopping done. Thank goodness for Target's $1 bins. heh heh But since I got presents for some people who read this page, I cannot reveal my bargains. I did buy myself a present, though. Tommy Boy, the Holy Schnikes Edition. I know you're all jealous. And I got Jersey a Christmas outfit to wear for pictures and holiday partying. It's a red sweater with a black fur collar and glass buttons, and a pair of black velvet pants with a red ribbon trim. I already showed Mom and Manda. They are going to buy her a matching pair of black "stepping" shoes. That's what I used to call my fancy shoes when I was little. Stepping shoes. Or tapping shoes.

There were other things that happened, but I'll leave them for Kristen to write about at her discretion. Or lack thereof. :)

Jump down, turn around, pick a bale of truth...

I have heard many strange things from people during my years of customer service. To my question of "How are you today?" I've been answered, "Well, I was diagnosed with brain cancer this morning." I've been screamed at because a woman wanted to buy a 36-oz. box of cereal at the 12-oz. sale price. I've had a package of batteries thrown at me. While working at Kmart, I've heard every sneery, condescending joke imaginable about Martha Stewart. One Christmas Eve at Kmart, one woman even threatened to slap me, due to my looking at her.

But never have I been told by a person that, due to medical problems, they have to manually use their fingers to stimulate their rectal muscles in order to force their bowel movements. Until now. Oh, the joy of being forced to be polite to random rantings.

In other news, my brother is out of jail. And in a stunning turn of events, he actually read a book. No, not just any book, my friends. My brother, whom, by the way, I have never seen read a book since probably 2nd grade, read the entire book, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings. I haven't even read that sucker yet!! And, what's more, he was excited about it, and even asked if I could get him the next book! You could have knocked me over with a feather, I was so astonished.

Also, while in jail, he beat up a pedophile. Now, it's nothing for me to say that Aaron was in a fight with someone. No big surprise. And I never approve. I always roll my eyes and wish that he'd grow up. But once he told me exactly why he beat this particular guy up, I cheered. I won't tell you the reason, as I'm already scarred by the things this guy said, and I wouldn't wish any of you to be haunted, either. Just know that if you did know what the guy said, you would wish you could have kicked his ass, too. But my brother did it for you.

Cara called me late last night. Of course, she called right when the second half of "ER" began, so I don't know what happened next. *$(%^#* Anyway, she was supposed to call at 4 p.m., but never did.
Cara: Sorry I didn't call at 4.
Me: It's okay. I guess.
Cara: I went to Red Lobster.
Me: OH! I see how it is. Hope you enjoyed their cheesy garlic biscuits, bitch!
Cara: I did.
Me: Hmph. *growling*

And apparently she still has not received any help from FEMA or Red Cross, the dirty bastards. And her ex-husband, Josh, is now working for FEMA. I almost gagged. He's so full of himself normally, I can only imagine how high his horse is now. Although it's pretty impressive just how massive his ego is, considering he's never kept a job longer than like 2 months.

Also, my cousin Hallie had her baby on Monday, Nov. 14. She had a little girl, Bridget Lea. I'm only guessing on those spellings, by the way. You never know these days, with all these crazy kids today makin' babies an' all their crazy spellin's. But the baby was healthy, 7 lbs. 4 oz. And so far they haven't noticed any of the abnormalities that her older sister, Brooklyn, has. Thank God for that.

Anyway, I'm heading up to Superior as soon as I'm done with work today. I'm having the other library worker finish up the afternoon shift so that I can start driving before it's too dark. Wisconsin + Snow + Darkness + Highways = Scary.

Horoscoped!

Immediately after publishing my last post, I checked my horoscope. Here's what the dang thing had to say:

"A voice from the past is due -- and you'll be downright tickled to hear it. Just don't let your delight interfere with that alarm going off in the back of your head. What didn't work once may not work twice."

Dude! I get it! I can't have a relationship with him! Sheesh. I'm not trying to. I wouldn't want one, honestly. Does that mean I can't be friends with him? Does it, oh mighty stars?

Today I came across a box of goodies from my high school days. Oh, the treasures I found. Jewelry boxes filled with the cheapest, crappiest "jewelry" one could ever find. The two frog figurines I'd previously posted about. Angel figurines from my late grandmother. Basketball cards--Muggsy Bogues! A pin-up of Brendan Fraser...yummy. A book of Dr. Seuss-isms, given to me by dear Nicolina. A story I'd written about a final hurrah with friends before heading to college. Totally cheesy, but, oh well. And a binder filled with the lamest poetry ever. Ever. So bad, in fact, that I destroyed quite a bit of it. And no, I won't regret it later, as some may try to tell me. But it was a fun trip back into my teen years.

A flash in the pan

I'm feeling rather melancholy today. I have no social life to speak of, which only drives the message home harder that I used to have so much fun.

Two years ago at this time, I loved a boy. We were great friends. We went to movies together, joked around nonstop, had the greatest discussions on books and movies. He sang "Love Me Tender" while looking into my eyes.

One year ago at this time, I was mostly over the hurt of Him with another girl, especially since they'd broken up. We could laugh again, hang out... He even watched Kristen and I do karaoke (a better version of "Karma Chameleon" you'll never hear).

And the friendship ended. Without my even knowing it for a while. I'd changed jobs, trying for a better life and career. The career didn't work out. And then the life slowly died away. All the friends I'd had at my former workplace didn't call me or invite me out like before. And He started dating someone new, which meant I could no longer be a part of his life, I guess. I felt like a leper. I still do. It's lonely in this town.

I wish I could say that I'm completely over him, but I'm not. I don't mean that I long for him, daydream about him or anything. I would never even want to have a relationship with him, too much has passed. But I miss him so much. We really did have so much fun. A guy who reads? And has no problem holding his own in a conversation? Who makes me laugh...a lot! Even with all his faults, he was such a good guy. And that makes me wonder, will there ever be another guy like him?

A couple of my friends don't like him. Jolene, for instance. And my sister. Yes, I know he wasn't perfect. I am not romanticizing the past. But some did. My mom, Cara, and Krista all liked him. Kristen didn't like him when she wasn't around him, but she sure warmed up when he was around. Because he was so damn charamatic. You couldn't help but like him.

There's not really a point to this blog. Nothing's changed. He's out of my life. So are all of my friends from that time. What do you call that? A flash in the pan? "Something which disappoints by being over too quickly." Yeah, that about says it all.

I'm just tired of the missing.

You may be surprised by...

Okay, this is kind of a generic post today, but it's passing the time at work. Today's post is just a couple of lists, so that you, dear reader, may better know me.

You may be surprised by...

Things I Hate
*People whistling, except my grandpa. It just gets on my nerves.
*Nicholas Sparks. Why anyone would want to subject themselves to his writing is beyond me. In Hell, I believe you are forced to read his sacchrine, poorly written books.
*The word "retarded." It really bothers me when people use the word to imply they made a mistake or did something stupid. I used to say it all the time without any kind of awareness of how rude it is. Until I met my friend Jess, whose brother is a special needs person. It hurt her tremendously to hear people say "retarded" all the time. I vowed never to say it again, and have rarely slipped up on my vow.
*My handwriting. It changes all the time, and I don't even mean for it to.
*My spending habits/lack of financial intelligence. I think I need a personal accountant.
*Living so far away from friends. College was the greatest time in my life. Period. And it really, really sucks to have friends so far away from me.
*Cleaning my room and/or washing dishes. Especially the dishes. HATE IT.
*Confrontation. I hate getting into arguments, especially if it's with someone I don't really know. (Like what JUST happened here at the library!) I feel my face get hot, my hands start shaking, and I just don't know what to do with myself.


Things I Love
*Jersey (of course!).
*Taking pictures. Spendy hobby, though.
*Leaf accessories. I have leaf things everywhere. I'm planning on one day, when I get my own place, an autumn themed bedroom. Either that or a pirate theme. Tough decision.
*Chocolate. Like you didn't know that one. But did you know Ferrero Rochers are my favorite fancy chocolate and that Take 5 is my favorite candybar? Ha. Thought so.
*Movie soundtracks. Most of my CD collection comes from some movie I was obsessed with. Yes, this includes the movie "Beaches." *blush*
*Short stories. I love reading collections of short stories even more than regular novels. In a novel, you can have like 200 pages to tell your tale. With a story, you have to be clever enough to have a plot, climax, and satisfying ending within a short amount of pages.
*Giving presents. I'm pretty good at it, too. Just ask Kristen.
*Eddie and the Cruisers. I can't help it. I've loved that movie forever and consequently, Michael Pare, Tom Berenger, and Joe Pantoliano.

Things I Miss
*College. This includes classes, homework, sparring with professors, making new friends, a sense of community, lots of events to attend, but especially all my close friends I made.
*My Uncle Brad. He lives in Palm Springs, CA, and I haven't seen him since last Christmas. He's so freaking funny, brilliant, and just plain fun to be around. Unless he's crabby, then you really want to watch out!
*Watching "Tommy Boy" and "Dumb and Dumber" with Krista, and all the long walks we used to take around Superior.
*My faith.
*Holding Jersey when she was so tiny, only 7 pounds. These days she breaks my back when I pick her up. :)
*Having guy friends. I used to have a ton of guy friends, what the hell happened? The last one was Tony, and we know how that turned out...bloody bastard.
*My great-grandfather. I don't remember why, but we used to call him Grandpa Hoo-Hooey. lol And when I was really little, he gave me two porcelain frogs from his enormous frog collection. I still have them.
*Writing. I used to write lots of poetry. I used to write short stories. I miss it so much. I wish I could do more than this whole journal thing, but I pick up a pen or sit at the computer and just feel tired.

Anyway, now you know me. A little.

So ding-dong, there's the doorbell. Hello, men in white.

I want the above song out of my head!! Dang you, Kristen!!

My mom is home from the hospital. Her surgery went fine and only took about 40 minutes. She recovered for about another hour and a half before I could take her home. She's been resting in her room. The hernia was a result from a weakness in the lining of her stomach wall, which allowed her intestine to push out. Gross. I think it's called an inguinal hernia. Or something.

As soon as she was out of surgery, they wheeled her back to her curtained "room" to let her rest. I stood next to her. She was awake, but still a little bit drugged up. She said she remembers saying to the doctors right before unconsciousness, "Jersey says 'Go, go, go!'" We laughed at that. Then she kept cracking jokes, but then every time she laughed, it hurt. The nerd. I told her to stop joking around. She goes, "Laughter is the best medicine," began laughing, and then promptly grabbed her side in pain. It was pretty darn funny. Like, when you're in church or a funeral, and you're supposed to be quiet and somber, but you get a case of the giggles? It was like that. But doubly funny because her laughing was hurting her, which sounds horrible, but she was laughing, too.

Her anesthisiologist was the same guy who'd performed Amanda's epidural....when I almost passed out and was ordered by a nurse to lay down on the floor. *embarrassed* He's a pretty good-looking guy. A cross between Kevin Costner and a slimmed-down Garth Brooks. After he talked for a while to Mom and left (before the surgery), Mom turned to me and said, "Now, what did he just say? I was too busy staring at him to listen." I replied, "I have no idea. I had 'Friends in Low Places' stuck in my head." :)

And while a guy was inserting the IV into Mom's hand, a nurse asked her if she'd brought any valuables with her. Mom said, "No, just my daughter." They nurse and guy-person (I don't know his title) both smiled, and the guy said, "Aw, what a tender moment." I responded, "Eh, it's just because I'm her ride home." They all laughed and left. I said to my mom, "Leave it to me to actually ruin a tender moment." Out with the sentiment, in with the funny!

There may or may not have been other funny things. I forget. I'm almost another year older, you know.

Birthday wishes and Joaquin dreams

The countdown begins. Less than 2 weeks until my birthday. So here's the plan:

Everyone write a letter to Joaquin Phoenix and beg him to come visit me on my birthday. Sure, he might be kinda busy with this whole "Walk the Line" film just out, but if enough people bombard him with letters, he's bound to notice, right? Don't say anything like, "She's your biggest fan," cuz he probably hears that all the time and may decide to quiz me on his numerous films. No, we need a different approach.

How about saying, she's not too bad to look at? Or maybe, she's good for a few laughs? Tell him I'm not requesting that he bring a present (though I wouldn't turn them away). I just want to make out, er, I mean talk with him. And he can sing like Johnny Cash to me. Actually, he could sing like Weird Al and I'd love every minute of it.

I'd even choke down meals full of tomatoes and onions (he's a vegan). For J.P., I'd walk the line. Oh, that was a crappy ending. Don't tell him I said that.

It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I allow this freakshow to continue.

My brother is in jail.

I guess he caught his girlfriend cheating on him. He went over to her house while the guy was there. I don't know any details yet, but I'm assuming he only started screaming because he was picked up on a disorderly conduct charge. If he'd hit the guy, it would have been an assault charge.

I don't feel bad that he's in jail because he needs to learn not to be so hot-headed. But I do feel bad about the cheating thing. The last three girlfriends now have all cheated on him, and all with the same guy. I'd want to beat the guy up, too.

In other news, the CA Library director has to have surgery on the 15th, so I have to start taking all of her hours. Now, I love getting more hours because I am broke. But I don't like being the only person working there. It just gets so hectic. I'm also going to be doing some painting for the CH Library after hours. I will be tired, but I must think of the money.

I was going to pick up the film I'd had developed, but if you refer to the previous line, you'll understand the dilemma. :( I want to see those pictures!!

I went to my Aunt Barb's house yesterday with my grandparents. We had lunch there, and I brought along a massive amount of crafting books to look through. Because of said dilemma, this year's Christmas presents will have to be homemade. I'm kinda excited about it, though. The CH director gave me a ton of things to work with, and I bought a few items at the Dollar Store which will lovingly be spruced up by my inexperienced hands. Hot glue, here I come!

You toyed with my heart....like it was a toy heart.

My mom has to have surgery on her hernia next Thursday morning. So she'll be off of work for awhile, up to 3 weeks. Her boss gave her a hard time because another lead person is also having surgery for her shoulder. The boss says, "Well, gee. I hope you're not both going to be gone at the same time." Sure. Let's just have Mom reschedule sewing up her lower intestine. Come on! And then he kept trying to get her to come into work today because all the other leads wouldn't come in. She told him no, she'd been working the last 5 Saturdays in a row, and she can barely walk because of the pain. What an ass.

Please tell me why I keep having 30+ year old men be all like...nice...to me. You know. Not nice, but nice. Prolonged eye contact, too big smile, accidental hand touching. *shudder* Maybe 38 isn't old, but it's too old for me!

And I was asking a lady at work about this really hot guy who always used to come into the library. He was very well-dressed, killer smile, friendly, and actually read books! I was told he moved to Detroit with his brother. I was annoyed, of course. Then she told me that he was mostly bald under his baseball caps.
ME: Good. That's what he gets for leaving me for Detroit.

Open up, Baby Bird, cuz Mama's got a fat nightcrawler of truth!

Monday night, Amanda and I took Jersey out trick-or-treating. I took lots of pictures of Jerz in her bumblebee costume, but have not yet developed the film. I'll post them as soon as they're ready.

Anyway, we got a heavy bag of candy. And not because of how dang adorable Jersey was. It's because my sister is so short and young looking, everyone assumed she was the trick-or-treater! They'd drop a fistful of candy into the bag, then say, "Oh, and here's one more for the baby." It was hilarious, though it embarrassed Amanda.

And I ran into Brad and his wife, Paula, as they were taking their son around the houses. That sucked ass. To update (quickly) those who are unfamiliar: B & I worked together one summer a long time ago. He was married to P, but I didn't know for quite awhile and we flirted all the time. I went back to college. B & P separated. B started calling me. Flirtation, but that's as far as it went. B & P got back together, and have been off and on ever since. They are officially divorced, but are currently seeing each other. P works with my mom. Mom previously disliked P as much as me, but now I guess they're buddy-buddy. *gag*

Updated? Okay. So, we're all trick-or-treating, and run into each other. All embarrassed. I say hi to them both, Paula giving me a frozen smile. Manda and I take Jerz across the street to a house. I turn and see Brad pointing in our direction, like, "Aren't we going to that house?" And Paula taking off in the opposite direction of me. I was simultaneously relieved and annoyed. I told Mom about it later, and she nodded sadly at me. Which immediately annoyed the crap out of me. (Mom has the habit of bashing people I like, and liking people I bash. Annoying, right?)

Mom: (looking ever so sad about poor Paula) Yeah, Paula and I had a talk about you last week.
Me: What?? What the hell did you say about me?
Mom: Well, she said to me, "I know that when your daughter worked at Smith Co. (yes, I just made up a corporate name), Brad had a thing for her really bad."
Me: (quite smug) Ha ha. What did you tell her?
Mom: I didn't lie. I told her that yes, he did. But then I told her that nothing happened between you. You have certain morals, and then told her what those were. She said that you were someone to be proud of.
Me: (annoyed) What morals?
Mom: Well, that you don't believe in sex before marriage.
Me: Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis? I'm not waiting for marriage. I'm waiting until there's someone who's not 20 years older and drunk.
Mom: Well, whatever.
Me: Oh, great. Now she thinks I'm some little goodie-goodie and a prude. *exhaling loudly*

So that whole conversation was annoying. Look, I'm sorry if her husband had a thing for me. I never so much as held his hand. Ever. And it's not my fault they keep breaking up and getting back together. It's not my fault he keeps screwing other girls. (Btw, I never knew he cheated on her until recent years. And I swear to God, I never saw him outside of work that one summer, except for a random meeting in Bargain Bill's, when I was with my uncle.) I'm not going to suddenly befriend her or feel sorry for her. She's the one who keeps taking him back. So there, Mother. Take your sympathies elsewhere.

I also kept running into former classmates taking their kids out on Halloween. That was also annoying. Yes, annoyance is rooted deep within me.

My mom got her test results back, but they couldn't find anything wrong with her. And neither of the two doctors could feel her Lemony Snicket. So she's going in for another consultation this afternoon, and talk about further testing and options. She stayed home from work yesterday and today because she doesn't feel good. And also because she caught her own philandering husband (separated for 3? years), who apparently recently told her that he "wanted to change and have a future with her," making out in a car with The Whore he originally had the affair with. So she's doubly depressed. (And I maintained the strength not to say, "I told you so.")

Oh, and one last thing. If there's one thing that I hate, it's when Kristen is right. I now love The Gilmore Girls. Dang it!

The humiliation continues...

Kristen and I normally have fun when we visit each other's homes. Oh, sure, there's the occasional argument over who won Connect Four, or who's right about so-and-so starring in such-and-such movie. Generally mundane interruptions in the funness. Until Saturday night.

Friday evening Kristen arrived while I was still working in the library. She brought in my (early) birthday presents. I received an assortment of pink-themed goodies, including a sweet book bag that Kristen had bought and decorated herself. It says "Word Nerd" on it with a fancy border. It's tied for first place with one other present...the blue and black crossbones Airwalk shoes I'd desperately wanted and couldn't find!! Woohoo! We then ate Chinese at Mandarin restaurant in Rice Lake. Pretty tasty stuff. Except I saw Cara's ex-boyfriend and I wanted to puke. But then we rented some scary movies (to be watched Sat. evening), and then went home. We had ice cream. And I watched my very first episode of The Gilmore Girls.

Saturday we were up bright and early to attend a craft fair taking place at my old high school. We didn't buy anything, and the high school had been remodeled, so it looked absolutely nothing like my memories. Kristen was also insulted by a vendor. But I'll let her tell that story on her own blog.

Next we drove down to Eau Claire to meet Jolene at our favorite place, The Olive Garden. I had the chicken alfredo, in case you're interested. After lunch, we drove over to Oakwood Mall and roamed around. The girls each bought a chocolate fondu set. Jolene went home, and Kristen and I roamed around Borders, wanting to buy books but lacking the money.

So then we went to my mom's house to watch the scary movies we'd rented. Mom was going to make tacos and desserts. But Amanda had already taken off with friends of hers, saying she'd be back soon. She never did show up, until apparently Sunday morning. Well, Mom, Kristen, and I started watching the scary movies and eating our treats. After the second movie, my brother and his girlfriend, Nikki, started arguing upstairs. They were screaming at each other. Nikki took off out of the house to go somewhere else. Aaron followed her, and they stood screaming at each other on the street. Surprised no one called the cops. Then Nikki came barging back in the house to tell Mom that Aaron was keeping guns in the house, and she described where they were being kept. (Upon searching, no guns were found, but I digress.) Nikki and Aaron went outside again, still hollering. Kristen informed me that she was leaving. I didn't blame her. But I didn't want to leave my mom and Jersey. So Kristen drove back to my grandparents' house (after remembering to grab her chocolate fondu set, of course), and I stayed to make sure things were going to calm down. I finally got Jersey to fall asleep and put her to bed. Aaron came home alone. Nikki walked to a friend's house. I got to leave (around 20-25 minutes after K left), and got home to find my grandma worried, my grandpa wondering if I'd brought home the ice cream (true story), and Kristen in tears.

Worst. Night. Ever.

People never truly understand another person's dysfunctional family, and usually that's fine. I was quite content with my closest friends not being a witness to the Cops worthy freakshow that is my family. But no. It was so humiliating for not only a friend to bear witness to the drama, but to have her frightened of it.

I would have bribed her with ice cream to not hold the experience (and psycho family) against me, but I'd forgotten it at the hell-house. And I was too busy walking as fast as I could in the dark streets and watching for attackers to remember the strawberry swirled goodness. Fortunately, I didn't need to bribe her because she is such a dear friend. And I hope she will not be scarred for the rest of her life.

I tossed and turned all night. I had nightmares about walking at night and fighting and worrying.

But today we tried to ignore the images of last night and had a nice lunch in Rice Lake. We roamed around stores, where I didn't buy anything. She bought herself two sweaters and a pair of pajama pants that highlighted her crotch and buttcrack. Pretty damn funny. And then off she went, driving home in the rain.

And now I'm off to wallow in the hazard wasteland that is my life.

The Legend of Zero

Nicole asked for awkward high school moments. And only because she is my friend, I will comply. But I must say, I hated high school. Hated.

1) There was a boy named Jake (H.) who I think had a crush on me. This was 9th grade. He'd always hang around me, once "accidentally" touched my boobs, and would stare at me. Finally, one day in science class, he put his hand on my knee. I angrily yelled, "Stop touching me!" and kicked him in the shin. That was the last time he ever spoke to me. *deeply embarrassed*

2) A guy named Kent. Ugh. Senior year in our criminalistics class, he would harrass me non-stop. Nicole and friend Christie would try to get him to leave me alone. One day we got into a highlighter fight. Which means he started coloring on my arm with a yellow highlighter, so I colored him back with green highlighter on his neck. So then he acts all angry and literally backs me into a corner. I panicked and kicked him in the shin. Hmm...sensing a pattern. I also had a huge crush on his best friend, also in the class, and he yelled at Kent to leave me alone. So did everyone else in the class, then Nic yelled, "You act like you're in elementary school...like the boy likes the girl so he hits her." Then Kent said something like, "Exactly." There was a silence in the room as we each deciphered his reaction. Then his face turned red and shouted, "No, I don't like her!" That was humiliating.

3) Oh, and this one smarts. Had a huge crush on a boy named Matt, who was a year older than me and was my next-door neighbor. There were many awkward moments around him (including when I saw his naked rump when he got out of the shower...although, he was the one who mooned me, so I shouldn't be embarrassed), but I'll choose just one. In chemistry, some senior walked in with extremely messy hair. He'd deliberately mussed it as much as he could, like he thought it would be hilarious. So Matt did the same to his hair. I ignored him like a good little schoolgirl, and continued to concentrate on whatever experiment we were conducting. But I could hear Matt still talking about his flipped out hair, and then he said, "Hey, Amber, do that to your hair." I kept work. "Hey, Amber." Still working. "HEY! Amber! Do that to your hair!" I finally looked up to see what all the shouting was about, and wondered what Amber was in our class. Yeah. Not only was he talking to me because I have such thick, curly hair, but he'd been shouting at me the whole time, not knowing my name, and the entire class had been watching me. Finally some other upper classman goes, "Dude, that's not even her name. It's April." Matt shrugged and turned away. (One more...in a different class, he also called my hair a brillo pad. Oh, the shame...)

Okay, enough. I can't deal with any more high school stories. There are probably worse that I dare not tell. *sigh*

To stave off depression, here is a list of Smartass, Funny Boys Who I'd Make Out With.
1) Jason Schwartzman
2) Mo Rocca
3) Zach Braff
4) Jason Segel
5) Topher Grace

And now out of nowhere, I talk about David Copperfield--as if by magic!

{Currently reading "My Sister From the Black Lagoon," by Laurie Fox.}

Apparently I'm into books about depression. I didn't even think about it when I picked up this book and the one before, "Girl, Interrupted." Hmm.

Yesterday at the CA library, I had to call up patrons who'd had their requested InterLibrary Loan items come in. On one call, a guy answered, and he sounded exactly like He Who Must Not Be Named. I almost dropped the phone. I kept looking at the name of the person I was supposed to be calling, like I thought maybe I'd unconsciously called his number. It depressed me.

And today at the CH library, my big fat stalker's brother came in. They're twins, so vicariously I hate him, too. He went to sit at a computer, and I suddenly had a vision of him coming up and touching me. Not even 30 seconds later, he was behind me touching my arm. I barely managed not to turn around swinging. He goes, "My computer's frozen." Well, duh, restart it. Any idiot knows that much. And besides, why'd he have to come to me, when I had my back to everyone working? There were two other librarians facing the counter and not doing anything! Ugh. I sighed deeply and decided to go to another room before kneeing anyone's groin.

Which leads me to a list for your enjoyment of my Most Awkward Moments With Boys, excluding situations involving crazies.

6) This one wasn't so much awkward as me being on the verge of committing homicide. I screamed at a guy in class. I hated him so much, and how fricken stupid he was, that I literally screamed at him in class...in college...with about 20 other people around us. But, in my defense, everyone else hated him, too, and were quite amused that I put him in his place.

5) Set up on a blind date with a guy named Justin. Within 2 seconds, I knew he was gay. I tried to remain jolly, but couldn't contain my resentment for the friend who set us up when Justin began singing every Madonna song he could think of.

4) In college, I was invited to my crush's graduation party, which was at his parents cabin out on a lake. Crush was tall, blonde, athletic, very hot. I was boggled by the invitation, but we were friends. Long before the evening was over, said crush got semi-naked 3 times, and fully naked twice! Seeing him on campus the following Monday, I...er...didn't know where to look.

3) My first kiss, at the tender age of 20 (yes, you read that correctly), was marred slightly by my sudden embarrassing bout of the giggles. 20 years old, people, and I giggled like a 12-year old at her first make-out party, which by the way, I've still never been to.

2) Once while house-sitting for a friend, one of her guy friends decided to come visit me at midnight. He didn't leave until like 4 a.m. Very annoyed. And, I don't even remember how this happened, but at one point, he had me cowering in a corner as he tried to get me to look at his nipples. No joke. My sister was there and can verify my story.

And now for the grand finale:

1) Three words. "Ice, Ice, Baby." No lie. On a date with a boy, joking around about Vanilla Ice, this guy didn't just stop at the first verse, but rapped the entire song. Needless to say, there wasn't a second date. Although I did run into him once at a comedy club, and he tried to stare me down. Thankfully, I was with a huge group of friends so I could pretend I was dating one of the guys.

Beat that.

One-way ticket to Blahville.

My mom has to go to the hospital for more extensive testing. So we're still not quite sure what her Lemony Snicket is, though I'm leaning towards a cyst on her ovary. The doc said it could also have to do with her bladder. Anyway, she doesn't go in until, I think, Monday. Will keep you updated.

Apparently the director of CA library may be having surgery soon, too, so I may have to work over here a lot more in the coming weeks. At least it'll get me away from the grouchy woman at the CH library.

Well, gotta jet home to watch "The Biggest Loser!" Hope it doesn't conflict with "I Love the 80s: 3D." Yes, this is my life. *whining* I want to have a crush on a boy!!!

Stay classy, San Diego!

{Currently reading "Girl, Interrupted," by Susanna Kaysen.}

My mom got a new car the other day. And by new, I mean old, but new to her. I don't know what year it is, but it's a deep-red colored Chrysler LeBaron. It's totally an old person's car, but it has heat and we live in Wisconsin, so that's all that matters. Anyway, Amanda and I were teasing Mom about her car, when Amanda asked what Mom was going to name it. Then before Mom said anything, Manda goes, "Name it Ron Burgandy!" (Will Farrell's character in "Anchorman.") So freaking funny. Jealous that I didn't think of it first.

I've also been nagging at my mom for about 2 months now to go to a doctor because she's been having pains in her lower abdomen. She admitted only a month ago that she has a lump there about the size of a lemon. She jokes around and calls it her Lemony Snicket (which is kinda funny), but I just get so mad at her about it. I told my grandpa (her dad) about it, because I knew he'd make her get to a doctor. So she finally agreed to make an appointment today, so I'll let you know what happens. And if you're wondering why she didn't go earlier, it's because she thinks she can't afford any more bills. :(

I talked to Kristen last night on the phone. I need her mom to do some sewing for me. I had bought a matching valance that coordinates with the bedding set I put on layaway. In the middle of the valance is a cute little box pleat, but it's sewn so that you can't even get the curtain rod all the way through! I thought maybe there was a defect, so I returned to Kmart and exchanged it for a new one, but it's the same thing! I need Kristen's mom to rip out the seams and re-sew it. I'd ask my grandma, but more and more she forgets things that used to be second nature to her.

Kristen also mentioned that when she comes to visit this coming weekend, she's bringing my birthday present (even though it's not 'til next month). She wanted me to guess at first (because Kristen doesn't like to keep surprises).
Kristen: I got you something that you really wanted for your birthday.
April: Mmm... Joaquin Phoenix?
Kristen: No, but close!
April: Er....you didn't purchase it in an adult store, did you?

So, I still don't know what it is, but she swears I'll never want to take it off, won't make me look fat(ter), and the theme is pink rocker. But not Pink, aka Alicia "Let's Get the Party Started" Moore.

And finally, two poems that I found and liked. The first one is kinda cheesy, and I've never heard of its author, but it was cute. The second one is just two verses of a poem from a book of poetry by Arthur Rimbaud, and I think it's hot.

Inscriptions of a Lipstick
Oh, innocent victims of Cupid,
Remember this terse little verse;
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
To let a kiss fool you is worse.
~E.Y. Harburg

(I forgot the title of this poem...oops!)
.....
I'd whisper into your mouth,
Put you to bed,
Your body curled like a baby's,
Drunk on the blood

That flows, blue, beneath the softness
Of skin like snow;
Whispering about those shameless
Things... You know...
~Arthur Rimbaud (meow!)

Mr. Furious: After all, I am a ticking time bomb of fury.

Let me tell you a story, boys and girls, about a nice girl working in an evil place.

At the beginning of 2005, I started working full time at the newspaper in Rice Lake as the circulations assistant. I was immediately overwhelmed, but I kept at it because I felt guilty that I was given the chance to work there full time. I had more responsibilities than I had ever imagined possible. I was not only a back-up for the receptionist and responsible for customer service and telephones, but I was also in charge of all newspaper subscriptions and customer accounts, taking ads over the phone, running about 5 computer programs, payroll for carriers, mailing labels for all people who had their papers mailed to them, assisting bundling of papers on publication day, and smoothing over all complaints related to subscriptions, plus whatever complaints came in by phone or at the counter. Busy, right? Oh, that's not all, my friends.

I also had to measure each advertisement in the paper, create postal reports, price every ad in the paper, compare prices against copy, mail out "thank you for renewing your subscription" freebies, stuff envelopes for billing at the first of the month, color code mailing labels, attach tearsheets to invoices, file... And then, after I finally started to get the barest grasp on that, then I had to learn two more computer programs--typing in all the classified ads, posting them to two programs, print them for proofing, make corrections, re-post the ads, print again, and then cut and paste them onto giant paper. I ended up only doing the latter a couple of times.

I complained to the publisher and one of my supervisors that I was overwhelmed. I was working roughly 60 hours/wk, taking home work to finish it... I was exhausted. Barely any sleep. Depressed. And the headaches! Oh, God. I think I can safely say without exaggeration that I'd go through about one bottle of Excedrine a week.

Did they help me out? Oh, they sure thought so. They took away my filing duties, which normally took me about an hour, including attaching the tearsheets. They gave the filing to the receptionist. In return, they took away one of her "little" duties to give to me. So instead of an hour of filing, I ended up getting her duty of calling back all the people whose classified ads had ended that week to see if they wanted to rerun the ad or start a new one. An added 5-6 hours a week. What a big help.

I tried it. I honestly did. I did my best. But I was miserable. An in addition, my female supervisor, Mary Kay, talked down to me. She treated me like I was stupid and she gossiped more than any person I've ever met. So I made another complaint about how overwhelmed I was.

Within the week, I was hauled into the office and Mary Kay said, "You have a lot more to learn, so if you can't handle it, you'd better let me know now so I can hire someone else." Then the publisher tried to soothe me by saying, "We've been really impressed and grateful for all of your hard work." But the bottom line was, I had to suck it up and do it all or leave. And they specifically said that hiring another person for a few hours a week to come in and help with things was out of the question. Oh, and I should mention that there used to be another person whose whole job was taking care of those classified ads! But, since I couldn't get any help, I felt my only option was to leave. I put in my notice, stuck around 6 more weeks for them to advertise, interview, and finally hire a new person for my position. I was told my last week that I wouldn't have to do anything but catch up on old work, and my two supervisors would train the new person. But of course they didn't. That was left to me to do, also.

I made it a full 5 months there. And now, ladies and gentleman, 5 full months after I've left, there is a new ad in the paper. A posting that there is an immediate opening for a part-time office assistant to help with computer programs and customer service.

Gee. I wonder what that means. Oh, wait! I know! The woman who took my position hasn't been able to miraculously to the job better than me, either, and she also needs some help. But gosh, I thought they said that hiring a little helper was out of the question.

I was so pissed when I saw that ad. I can't even begin to tell you how angry I was. If my grandparents hadn't been there, the walls would have been blushing because of my foul mouth. I went up to my room and was literally shaking with anger. I could have cried. I was absolutely miserable because of all I'd had to put up with there. I was forced to leave. I was unemployed for the entire summer, without compensation because apparently the only reason I could get unemployment pay is if I had been counseled to leave by a physician.

I can't even say anymore. I'm so, so, so angry.

Read on if you're bored. But don't expect to be entertained.

Blood-shot eyes. I look like a drunk.

My uterus (or whatever it is that I hurt yesterday) kept me in pain all last night. Every time I turned in bed, I felt a combination of cramping and stabbing. I'm mostly fine today, excluding the red eyes from a lack of sleep. But at least they match the red jacket I'm wearing. I totally know how to coordinate.

Why do so many creepy guys come to the library?? Can't they just have their own little clubhouse or something, where they can just creep out and annoy each other? This one guy always comes in to use the computers (of course), and every 2 seconds he's picking his nose. I'm not exaggerating. He's at warp speed doing it, too. And you know, a guy who isn't shy about picking his nose in public isn't too shy to eat the fruits of his labors in public. *barf*

Well, now that I've grossed out all my faithful readers... heh heh

I was going to try out that Special K diet starting today. You know "2 bowls of Special K + 1 regular meal a day + 2 weeks = 1 pants size!" Sounds good, right? I tell you, I was SO going to start that today. But then I slept too late because I was extra tired from not sleeping well, and then I noticed that there were burritoes in the freezer.... It was a hard call. But someone has to eat the burritoes, and it's not going to be my grandparents. So there you go. I ate the burritoes. Guilty as charged.

Yes, another post. Deal with it.

Okay, I saw this on my friend Nicole's blog. Since hers turned out funny, and I'm sitting next to a bookshelf, thought I'd try this, too.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fourth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

Okay, here's mine.
"In cash? Come on, lady..." --Criminal Intent, by William Bernhardt

P.S.

I think I just strained my uterus. Oh, the pain. I've been hobbling for the last half hour. Hobbling! Which makes me think of medieval times, when old cronies in drab clothing and witchy hair creaked along cobbled streets filled with garbage and human waste. Is this what I've become? One month before my birthday? Will I soon be speaking lines of "When I was your age...?"

Word Nerd

For lack of any fun stories or exciting news, I thought I'd write my "To Read" list. I'm always looking for a few good books. I've requested a couple of them already, but I'd welcome any suggestions.

* My Sister From the Black Lagoon, by Laurie Fox
* Boy Still Missing, by John Searles
* The Known World, by Edward P. Jones
* Will They Ever Trust Us Again, by Michael Moore
* The Drowning Tree, by Carol Goodman
* A Separate Peace, by John Knowles
* The Crimes and Punishments of Miss Payne, by Barry Jansberg
* Shoot the Moon, by Billie Letts
* The Ice Queen, by Alice Hoffman (LOVE her books!!)
* Never Let Me Go, by Kazuo Ishiguro

Yesterday at the CH library, I was trying to suggest some books for a patron to read. She said she only reads mysteries, and they can't be spooky or gory. Also, they couldn't take place in England. "What?" I asked. "Why not?" She goes, "Because they're all like, 'Oh, you know, uh, I'm English. Oh, looky. I'm in England.'" I was startled into laughter. It was so ridiculously funny. Then as I was suggesting Haunted Ground, by Erin Hart, she worried that it was spooky. I assured her it wasn't. "It takes place in Scotland, I think," I said. "Or maybe it's Ireland." "Well," she said. "That rules that one out." It's an excellent book! What the heck is the problem? Because someone may be named Cormac or Ringo* instead of John or Billy? Give me a break.
*I've never actually read a book with a character named Ringo. I just couldn't think of anything English-y.